Am I lazy?

[LazyRivers5]

I am 40, 2 primary aged kids and a full time job. Apart from a sports hobby twice a week, I have no energy to do anything other than keeping work, kids and house running.

I do feel like I have spare time and should be doing something productive. I have the luxury of working from home (though I go away for work a few weeks a year), kids that sleep pretty well, school on doorstep so schoolrun isn't stressful.

On the other hand, DH's work means I do a lot of the work/childcare juggling, mental load of sorting house and meals, and we don't have any family help so the first few years after DC were born were quite hard going. Maybe I have run out of puff.

Now they are much easier and I do think I have more spare time, but I have less energy than ever. I spend my evenings watching crap TV or youtube, putting off admin jobs and the likes.

Am I lazy or is this normal-ish? I don't like it though and wish I could get out of my slump as mentally it makes me feel pretty blah too.

Grateful for any perspectives!

It's totally normal to feel this way. It's easy to feel stuck in a low energy cycle and if your body is asking for rest, listen to it. But I also think energy creates energy, and getting out in fresh air or moving gives you energy to do more of it. Maybe start with a walk, if it's too dark in the evenings could a sunrise walk work before the school run?Seeing a sunrise/set is good for the soul. Also eating well makes a big difference

You work full-time, have two DC's and a hobby. You're not lazy.

Maybe you need HRT

Thank you! I definitely think it is a vicious cycle. On the days I exercise I do have more energy. It takes a lot of discipline to make it through winter working from home, I think I am already feeling the effects of summer being over.

I get lots of sleep and still wake up tired, DH usually does the kids' breakfast and I go back to sleep for 30 minutes every morning and I fall asleep instantly. I do have an ongoing issue with very low iron which is probably compounding the issue.

Read your first line- very difficult to be lazy in that scenario!!!!!

Sounds totally normal to me, just enjoy the slower pace of life you have now and don’t worry about it.

Any admin jobs that need doing of an evening can be shared with your DH.

That describes me perfectly, when I had a full-time job and two primary aged kids.

My feeling is that some people really are just bundles of energy and are content with this full of a schedule and handle it well. But I'd wager more, if not even most, of us are just like you.

It's just... a lot. If you can find ways to cut corners or cut back or if exercise or anti-depressants or therapy or build in a daily short nap time or whatever else helps (and isn't self-destructive), that's great. Otherwise, please just know you do a LOT. So it's only natural and to be expected that you're tired. Best wishes.

Have you thought about being acessed for adhd? I've just been diagnosed and have been called (and felt) lazy my whole life.

Thank you, you are making me feel validated!

Some of my friends are constantly on the go, some have 4 kids, or care for elderly parents, or have children with complex needs, or long commutes, or useless DHs, and I just don't feel legitimate!

What I do do, I try to do well and invest a lot of energy into to be fair (parenting, healthy cooking, house is clean and tidy-ish, working late as needed during busy periods) but still. I think because things are finally easier I feel like I don't have any excuses anymore and should be stepping up!

I don't do cleaning, gardening, cooking, i don't have a job and all my kids have grown up. I sometimes got up the road for a coffee. Thats lazy! (I'm disabled).

You're not lazy, it's just that your brain never gets the opportunity to switch off. Even when you are doing nothing, you are carrying that mental load around with you the entire time, and that's why you feel too tired to do anything.

Might I suggest a few days away, entirely by yourself? You need the three R's - rest, regroup and recharge.

This!