Anyone else feeling meh?

[Toodaloos]

So, I appreciate this is not a first world problem and there’s a lot worse going on in the world. I feel a lot of empathy for what people are going through but I just can’t put a finger on what is going through my brain at the moment (actually probably for the past few years). It’s also not a stealth boast, I am just reaching out to see if others feel the same.

So the crux of it is that I just always feel rather ‘meh’. Not depressed, not anxious, just feel a bit bland. On paper, all good, healthy, finances ok, good family, not unhappy….. we have a holiday a year but I still feel tired when I come back. Very few family arguments so no issues there. Just wonder why I can’t feel absolute joy at my lot, I appreciate I am privileged to be in this position.

I do have a very busy life with full time work and kids but just sometimes feel I am going through the motions and life is passing me by a bit in a grey blur. But I work flexibly so it isn’t really passing me by. It’s such a contradiction.

Please don’t get me wrong, I do get joy out of things such as spending time with my children, it’s not all bad!

Just wondering if anyone felt the same and if you did, how did you snap out of it?

The reason time feels like it's passing you by is because routine does that to our brains. The best way to fix this is to do something different every day.

Go a different route to work, vary your routine, change things around in your bedroom or lounge. The more you can surprise your brain from what it is expecting the more you will notice your surroundings and make new memories and feel less "meh".

Its not necessarily going to be comfortable or easy because mixing things up can feel annoying when you're got into a routine of doing things a certain way but it will shock your system into viewing the world in a different way and it might even jump start some new ideas for you of things you can add to your life to improve it

A bit bland- that’s life isnt it? What’s really wrong with that?

At best moments of joy with a lot of hard work and blandness most of the time ? the current ideas where every moment has to be full and fulfilling is unrealistic. You see those who have everything, children of the really wealthy , still it is not quite enough , they still want more, the seek more thrills

sometimes you need to make downtime too - when was the last time you were properly bored with nothing to do ? Avoid switching on the tv or reaching for the phone

and the age of kids and work is quite a hard time to navigate. You have to try and hold onto you - what you would want to do if you could - for the day they leave or you retire

at your life stage - it’s smaller things that can lift your spirits - a walk outside and a nice meal at home with the family together ( one that you make together not just eat together )

I think you’re right, it’s the routine. I am lucky that we go try to break the routine by having days out, with kids, without kids, on our own, with family members and think this is what I am struggling with. I get like a temporary joy. I enjoy the moment but then back to the drudgery. Maybe I need a reset on my mindset.

Book something to look forward to and be grateful that you are happy healthy and secure?!

@Toodaloos no- you need to vary the routine daily. Going out once a week isnt enough. It doesnt have to be dramatic - just do something differently to how you would normally do it every day. I think you'll be surprised by how different you feel

Maybe I am being unrealistic. It’s like to tell my kids, SM is giving us all these unrealistic views of how we think people live. I see these people having super fulfilled lives and mine seems boring in comparison even though I am doing well.

I also wonder, I don’t hate my job, I don’t love it either, I find it unfulfilling. I’d be mad to change roles though as it’s well paid, low stress, and flexible. I do wonder if changing that would make a difference (but tbh not feasible right now). Then I remember since childhood, I’ve never felt drawn towards any specific career, so I am happy to do anything that earns me a wage, so I might be looking in the wrong area here.

I note what you are saying by ensuring we have our own lives for when the kids grow up and I agree, myself and my husband are very much on the same page with this, we spend a lot of time together having our own days out etc and still haven’t killed enjoy being with each other. One aim is to extend our friendship groups. We are pretty reliant on each other and really have a small group of good but unreliable friends who cancel on us a lot.

I agree. I do this a fair bit, but it feels like a temporary fix.

Please also don’t misunderstand that I am not grateful for my lot. I know MN can be a bit toxic sometimes hence my diatribe at the start at how appreciative I am of having this as my problem (and how it’s not even register for some) and appreciate that it might not be relatable to those with bigger issues.

I try. It’s just difficult with working long hours from home whilst also raising children. If I try to take more time for myself, then my husbands time to himself suffers as we equally work/parent so I am aware of that too…. (Might be projecting and he doesn’t care!)

I think you might benefit from reading How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. I read it based on a recommendation on MN years ago, and it changed my mindset and my life. Not everything will apply - it's a collection of strategies - so take from it whatever feels most relevant and useful to you.

Thank you, I will look it up now