Not telling children about danger, in case it tempts them

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Have you ever made a point of not warning children about something dangerous, in case it tempts them to try it, making it forbidden fruit, or to avoid frightening them? It does of course depend on your children’s personality, and if they are likely to take risks.

My dad recently told me that when I was eight or nine, a holiday cottage where we stayed had deadly nightshade berries growing in the garden, and he decided not to warn me about them, in case it tempted me to eat them. (He did warn me about plenty of other mortal dangers, though.)

No.

I think what your father did wasn't taking responsibility for a 8yo.

Oh yes with my son especially, if you draw attention to something then he becomes fixated on it. Best off not mentioning it

It depends, if you were never likely to eat the berries then no point putting the idea in your head. There is definitely some kind of psychology in the idea of not pointing it out. I once had a work pass that came with a warning not to use a hole punch to make hole in it. The thought of doing that had never crossed my mind, but I became incredibly tempted to do so because of that warning.

It depends on the child. If you were the type to never go in the garden and explore, then why mention it? He could have spent your childhood telling you about all risks and you’d end up anxious as hell.
I had two DC’s who never went looking in cupboards or drawers in the house so I never put child locks on them. It wasn’t a risk I needed to manage. Some of my friends had everything locked up like a maximum security prison but tbf their kids needed it or they would have drunk bleach. I just kept things on a high shelf.
You’re alive so he can’t have done that bad a job keeping you safe.

I was brought up in an age when Sex wasn’t mentioned in case we became insatiable nymphomaniacs and shamed ourselves and our families. I don’t remember any of us becoming insatiable nymphomaniacs so presumably it’s a strategy that works.

Indeed. At school, I remember thinking “why would I even want to play with matches?” when we were warned about this. My parents warned me about what they thought was important, and nothing else. Because I was brought up in this way, I tend to sneer at the safetyism which is so prevalent nowadays: I’ve almost had to learn to be fearful (or at least mindful) of what we now consider to be a danger.

Depends on the child.

I have a theory that this is why DM told me absolutely nothing about sex - several of her aunts on her DM's side were what might be politely described as generous with their favours when it came to the men. Perhaps she thought I might follow in their footsteps if I had a modicum of information.

My sex education at home consisted of 'don't think you can bring your trouble home' (that well known contraceptive advice) and 'you'll end up on the streets if you're not careful' (very helpful as regards practical advice, not).

All of which was handed out to a gawky nerdy 14 year old more interested in books than boys.

We have a lot of woody nightshade around where we live and I've taught my daughter which berries are safe to pick and eat and which aren't, because we pick a lot of blackberries etc and it would have been ridiculous not to teach her.

I never put safety locks or anything on cupboards etc because she never wanted to go in them.

I told my Cub Scouts to leave their lunch boxes inside, rather than in their tents, as they can attract animals like foxes.

A few hours later, we had an eight year worried a fox was going to get in their tent.
They wouldnt have even thought about the wildlife if I hadnt explained that rule!

(And yes, animals do sometimes go after food in tents. Very rarely.)

There was a lovely film called “Eskimo Day” in 1996, in which an anxious mother lists the things she has never warned her son about when he goes to university, such as slicing his finger off from opening a tin of corned beef.