How to explain loss of a pet to a toddler?

[FettleOfKish]

Posting in chat as it doesn’t seem appropriate for bereavement, but our lovely old 16 year old cat had to be PTS today while we’re on holiday. We have a nearly 2 and a half year old that loved him, and I’m just looking for advice on how to broach it with him. He knows Mummy has been a bit sad today because the cat was very poorly, but I don’t think he’ll understand until we get home and he’s not there, so a few days to prepare.

I may be overthinking it but I don’t really want to say ‘he was very poorly’ in case that worries him when people he loves are poorly, or that he’s having a long sleep, or lie that he’s gone somewhere else. He’s a bright kid that picks up on and remembers stuff, so just looking for any advice really. Thanks in advance.

Literally just say the cat died, his heart stopped. Honestly. They take it in their stride

There are some books to help with this such as: www.amazon.co.uk/Over-Rainbow-Bridge-Noel-Fitzpatrick/dp/1398549975/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=BHO5SW8O56NL&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.6-aCUW53fpumEEaQcVSS8kuKhiRaytn9FepeZlomFVsOuHpbutqez-SrX0fbqK-SPQa7-NKwz_yXMoVJKC3nCAc6ioEy1brMwmG0Yzp0bj3evyMtJyFTc4HT7hCQ3Do1-D0_hR75IgGI0gh7DnTeE0tTswW2VAnjYuO9fXlNz2rsBdZilsOf1BZrr_MglvT6BdRpL1Lz6_kbOMzauibeCQ.HrHoD_HIf2vlA1IOmRFJbRGc1sL2OPTxfInFDuL3Nvw&dib_tag=se&keywords=rainbow+bridge+book&qid=1792180082&sprefix=rainbow+bridge%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-1

We told our toddler - years ago - that he was a bit “done” (translating here) and the vet came to help him. We obviously avoided any mention of illness or sleep.

As the years passed we were able to elaborate further.

At times he was sad and I said things like, I’m sad too, I miss Cat.

Very small children tend to be quite matter of fact about death, as PP have said don’t use euphemisms like ‘sleep’ etc. Work out what you’d want to say if they ask about what happens to the body.

There are quite a lot of stories which are helpful to read to them - when we had an old uncle die when DD was about 3 she asked several times for ‘Badger’s parting gifts’.

There’s Goodbye Mog by Judith Kerr.

Thank you. Ours was a black cat like Mog so I’ve ordered it x

I found that my children were pretty matter-of-fact about the death of pets - sad of course, but took it in their stride.

You should simply be honest with him and say the cat has died. Be clear that he cat will not be seen any more.

I think that when we broach these things with children we extrapolate to human death or their death, when in fact they often just deal with the bald fact in front of them (cat has died) and do not branch out into anything else.

You do not have to go into detail about the cat's age or illness or the manner of the death. In a way it is like talking to children about where babies come from - as soon as they ask we race on in our minds when in fact at this stage they might simply need to know a baby grows inside its mother.

Be very careful with goodbye mog - the premise there is that Mog goes to sleep and doesn’t wake up. It can be confusing for kids, or even make them scared of going to sleep which is the last thing you want.

I agree with PPs that you need to be very literal. Explain that she was old, so her body stopped working and she died. That means that we won’t see her again which is sad.

Don’t expect long-lasting sadness that you would get from an adult. You’re more likely to have lots of questions which I think you should answer in an age appropriate or honest way.

Euphemisms protect adult feelings, but confuse little ones.

I should have mentioned that we definitely did use the word “died” - the bit about being “done” was how we explained that. It all happened quite quickly when DS was already asleep which is why we explained that the vet had come over to help DCat. All true in case that wasn’t clear!

Thank you @Aaloyisha. I’ll read it myself before I read it to him. There has already been discussion with him (we’ve been to the vet often recently) that cat was very very old, much older [in cat years] than Grandma & Grandad etc. I probably am much over thinking but it’s very fresh for me and he does remember things and recall them quite vividly.

We asked our (bright) 3 yo to say goodbuy to our 16 your Kitty. We said he died (put to sleep) because he was very old and it's life. And he was buried in Nan's garden. No more questions asked. Just be honest.

My daughter is 4 and recently heartbreakingly her friend died. We were told by nursery that it’s important to use the correct terminology. It felt so wrong but it’s important they understand that it’s final j guess. Sorry for your loss x

That's the other Mog! JK's is tabby with a white bib
But the book is good. Sad but good.
Young children do usually take it in their stride, although you might have to reiterate that death is permanent.

"Gone to heaven" while looking up to the sky. Sorry for your loss x

2.5yrs olds don’t care about death. Tell him the cat died. Whatever you do don’t say ‘went to sleep’ or ‘has gone to heaven’ ffs

I’m so sorry for your loss. We explained that the cat was very unwell. The vet couldn’t make them better and so they died.
Any mention of heaven, put to sleep or the vet helping is just confusing for very young children.

So sorry about your cat. But echoing what others have said- the cat was very old and very sick, the vet couldn’t make him better and he died. Absolutely do not say anything about sleep unless you want to never sleep again.

My son wasn’t in the least confused by what we told him about the vet. And I did say that it was a TRANSLATION.

How else were we meant to explain the cat’s body seemingly disappearing in the night (without lying)?

i wouldn’t say the vet “helped”. That could make the child anxious next time a pet had to go to the vet.

My daughter - a bit older - asked if I would die too. I said, yes but not for a very long time. She accepted the matter of fact answer. 25 years later, I am still here.