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I hate upsetting people and now oim catastropising

12 replies

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 18:22

So today I think I upset someone at work today and I genuinely feel awful. I have a good banter with a colleague we have a laugh and take the piss all the time at each others expense. We always so sometimes it can go a touch too far sometimes we can laugh it off.

this colleague by rank could be considered at my level ish I come with a little more experience than that have and ive done their job before. I was chosen to deliver some info about key agenda items to a few teams. We were say in our team when I was asked. He said something to me and I felt it was in an abrupt manner something sarcastic about why I was chosen and another colleague said yeah didnt they fancy choosing insert other colleagues name. So I do say “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as ive done this before does make sense.” Colleague then said “not a d* measuring competition” and eye rolled at me I then said i feel you tried to undermine my intellect. I really didn’t mean it to come across badly at all but he sort of just closed th office door later and didnt really say much to me after that and normally we head down in the lift after work and they just left.

I genuinely don’t ever want to upset anyone. Have I done wrong because the anxiety is actually eating me up.

OP posts:
JustWalnut · 16/10/2026 18:23

It was a bit of a pompous thing to say tbh.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 16/10/2026 18:27

'Dick measuring' is a good description.

From what you've said, I think that's how you probably came across.

KilkennyCats · 16/10/2026 18:28

Undermine your intellect? What possessed you to say that?

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 16/10/2026 18:30

Also, how much intellect is required to deliver some info?

I'm sure they weren't thinking about your intellect at all.

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 18:31

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 16/10/2026 18:30

Also, how much intellect is required to deliver some info?

I'm sure they weren't thinking about your intellect at all.

so in this instance the colleague was annoyed I was chosen and not them and when a comment was made it seemed like they were attempting to put me down in front of th group

OP posts:
SaffronsMadAboutMe · 16/10/2026 18:35

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 18:31

so in this instance the colleague was annoyed I was chosen and not them and when a comment was made it seemed like they were attempting to put me down in front of th group

What does that have to do with intellect?

You're just delivering info.

sherbetlemonade · 16/10/2026 18:36

Actually I think it was an indirect swipe at women being chosen for roles because the boss fancies them, and you were absolutely right to answer back and shut that nonsense down.

Good for you.

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 18:38

sherbetlemonade · 16/10/2026 18:36

Actually I think it was an indirect swipe at women being chosen for roles because the boss fancies them, and you were absolutely right to answer back and shut that nonsense down.

Good for you.

I was direct not intending to be horrible. But it upset me when I was ignored after. We usually always have a laugh and joke and I felt I was about to be spoken about or moaned about

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 16/10/2026 18:40

Just apologise then. You don't need to say much, just say sorry for the choice or words and tone earlier.

Yewlez · 16/10/2026 18:41

Your colleague was absolutely undermining you and you said nothing wrong. He's pissed off you were chosen instead of him but he shouldn't put you down over it.

Pumpkindoodles · 16/10/2026 18:45

They were rude asking why you’ve been chosen. You explained 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don’t know why pp think you were in the wrong. You just listed your qualifications in response to a question. It’s not like you just unprompted, started blabbing on about why you’ve were better than everyone else in the room.

GrillaMilla · 16/10/2026 18:58

I can't see that you've done anything awful.
You could have said a lot worse!!
You were sticking up for yourself, good on you!

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