Tell me nice things about being a SAHP

[hedgerow8]

I’m into my 2nd year of being a SAHP, daunted by the prospect of doing this every day but trying to reassure myself that it’s what I want! DH works full time and we can live on one salary fortunately.
Mum friends have all gone back to work and I’m secretly quite jealous of the grown-up time they are getting. They all say they feel happier now.

if you were or are a SAHP are you happy with the decision? What are some of the best things about it do you think. I need some positivity!

Is it what you want, though? It doesn’t sound like it from your post…

Loads of things but is this what you want? I love it, but at times it’s lonely. Just because you have decided something it doesn’t mean you can’t make a new different decision.

I’m absolutely not happy but my child has severe special needs and this is where we are.

You have a choice and if it’s not working for you, you can change your mind.

It’s what I want. It is challenging though!
I feel like the time is going so fast, I don’t want to miss these years.

I also feel like having one parent at home does make things run a bit easier for the household overall, less catching up with chores out of working hours and at the weekend etc.

Saying that, some days it feels relentless and like the hardest job in the world…
and I feel like my brain is totally fried.

one of my biggest worries sometimes is the long term sacrifice I’m making to my employability. I love my family but it’s not lost on me that if my DH upped sticks id be a bit in the shit whereas his career is going from strength to strength.

I’m just hoping and praying that my child is getting a lot out of his time spent with Mummy ❤️

Going out to toddler groups etc everyday and making friends, it was one of my most social times of my life.

Doing all house stuff during the week so weekends were filled with fun activities.

A very stress free life.

No disadvantages at all for me.

The main positive for me is that I don’t have to worry about my autistic 3 year old coping with full days at nursery. He does 2 1/2 hours a day in a school nursery which works well for him but he’s ready to come home afterwards. If I had to put him in full time nursery I’m sure I would be getting calls most days to pick him up because of how his behaviour gets when he’s had enough.

The obvious pros are being around for school drop off and pick ups every day and being able to attend frequent assemblies, school concerts, sports days etc, able to have DC's friends over for playdates, able to take DC to clubs & activities, plus no stress of arranging childcare and associated costs, and potentially dashing from work to collect from said childcare, and freedom to do as you please with your time when kids are at school.

Having said all that, if you're not enjoying it you're not obliged to be a SAHP and there are also options of working part time, working from home, doing voluntary work for adult company and so on.

Is the plan to return to work at any point? I knew I wouldn't be returning to work ever due to disability which is how I became a sahm in the first place. I was working part time before that.

Yes there are many times it is hard but I would not trade that in for anything. I loved it. However, I had a pension that Dh paid into and he was a full hands on Dad which meant when he came home, he made me a cup of tea and then I had 30 minutes alone whilst he played with Ds. He also had a lie in on a Saturday but I got the same lie in on the Sunday. He would often take Ds out by himself, it was never all 3 of us all the time so I got alone time plus time with my friends on any evening I wanted to go out.

That balance of us both getting alone time, lie ins, feeling like we are a team and in it together meant I felt good about it. If the house looked like a bomb had hit it there was just tidying done by both of us, no comments on how untidy it was because Dh understood what it was like to try to tidy with a toddler behind you making more mess. I also went away for weekends to see friends so he was solely in charge of Ds and then both children when we had a second child. If I was ill Dh also took a day off work or worked from home way before working from home became the norm. It depended on how ill I was and how much I could or couldn't do.

Yes it can be very lonely at times but this is what playgroups, library reading times and any toddler groups are good. Plus friends who work in the day are available at night.

The benefit of being a sahm is most useful when they start school and you don't need to worry about sorting out childcare. Most parents return to work at this point. My children are now adults but there is only one other friend who is also a long term sahm like me.

Doing what every day? The stuff you’d do on top of work otherwise? The perks are you don’t ever have to rush home from work to pick the kids up before nursery closes. You don’t have to worry they’re being raised by someone else. You see every milestone and you don’t have to go talk shit to Jane from Accounts at 9am on a Tuesday after you’ve been kept awake all night.

Obviously you have to make sure your children are fed, clean and happy but beyond that the best thing about being a SAHM is you can spend your day pretty much doing what you want.

I’m also a SAHM and my little girl is almost 2. I plan to stay home with her until school / maybe beyond but I’ve also thought about home education recently.

i used to work in corporate and also started my own business but I didn’t get it off the ground before I fell pregnant.

I do find it lonely sometimes but slowly building up a network has helped. I think the toddler years are really hard anyway so hoping once I’m through those then it’s easier to spend time with friends when you don’t have to worry about the illnesses, potty training times, coordinating nap times etc.

my parents were both fairly absent, I feel so happy to be able to be around for my girl growing up, and be there when she needs me. I do worry about the money side of things but think I married a good guy!

We actually both took time off work with my last child. It was genuinely lovely and really special, I wish we could have done it with all of them. For me the main perk was I didn’t miss anything like first steps or first world. I love my job but it was also nice to have a bit of a break.

I was a STAHM for 11 years and loved it and then only went back to work P/t around school hours. I know some may disagree but we both genuinely believed and still do, that children particularly pre-school benefit from having a parent at home and life was generally less stressful. For me it was just being there for them. OH worked away regularly so it was good for them having the stability of having a parent who was present. I was never bored.

You don’t have to listen to twats during pointless meetings.

Being an SAHM, allows good control of the house, admin, meals and day to day finances and household rhythm.
IMHO some part time employment along with mainly SAHM is better long term MH and financial; even if as minimal as 4 hrs a week.
Good example for the kids also.

You'll have all that time with your kids, without feeling guilty. I hated how much I've missed with mine. And friends who work in relevant professions say the kids with one primary carer at home are often the loveliest, most secure ones (obviously that doesn't mean none of the others are, I hope mine are!)

A lot of rows between couples are because they're both so busy and tired, and feel they're letting the kids down. You'll be able to prioritise each other, and can go for date nights while the grandparents watch them maybe (I'd feel guilty asking for that if they're already doing babysitting while I'm at work).

You'll be able to do all the reading, get all the costumes ready, go to all the activities, and make friends with other parents. Some of these mums stay friends for life. I always feel like I'm chasing my tail arranging meet ups.

You can prioritise your health, exercising etc. There's quite a few older women at my gym, and the ones who didn't work tend to look younger and be healthier, because they got to exercise more, sleep more, and didn't feel stressed/guilty/had fewer break ups.

I'm not jealous, honestly. I know I'm luckier than some, and we all can only do the best we can in our own situations.

I was at home for the first eight years of my daughter’s life. Financially, it was a huge struggle amd it was very very difficult to make ends meet, but it was the most worthwhile and rewarding period of my entire life. I decided not to have a child until I was older and we thought thst we could scrape by with me not working, and it was always our intention that I would stay at home for as long as we could manage. I took the view that it was my choice to bring a child into the world and I wanted to spend all day, every day with her, watching her grow and helping her to learn and develop during her most formative years. I loved every second of being at home with her and the other sacrifices were a small price to pay to be able to do this.

You need to make sure money is going into a pension for you.