Share your best insults

[MadMAGA]

A FB post by Fran Whinge Whinge Got me laughing today. It included the insult, "A brain parasite would starve in your head."

I always think of these things after the moment has passed. Any to add to my collection for next time I need one? A colleague has volunteered "Wisdom is chasing you, but you are faster".

Are you Fran by any chance?

If his brains were chocolate, he wouldn't fill a Smartie.

I hope your next shit is a hedgehog.

Where were you when they were handing out the charm? When someone is just blatantly rude...

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

I will not have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than what you've just said.

Describing someone who is dim....The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

I am not. I haven't even liked her post, just pirated her content.

More suggestions from colleagues on our group chat:

Is an echo when you think, since there's so much space in your head?

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

I’d call them a cunt but they lack the warmth and depth

“what your daughter lacks in looks, she makes up for in stamina.” (Paul Calf)

A classy one best delivered in your best low but controlled voice:

"I can explain to you but I can't understand it for you."

Not quite an insult but a good cutting remark, perhaps.

I could agree with you but then we’d both be wrong

Someone having the IQ of a Jaffa cake

He fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

It's not big or clever, but tbh, neither am I 🤷‍♀️

"And your dad sells Avon"

I missed out a word.

"I can explain IT to you but I can't understand IT for you."

Which is why I am not a very good insult thrower. I call my mum, "No punchline Valerie" sometimes but I'm just as bad at getting flustered and not delivering the killer blow.

Oh this made me laugh! Yep, you say your first version and all the person would do is look very quizzically at you!!

He is someone who cannot be underestimated

Same, which is why I need a store to practice beforehand.

You're a waste of a perfectly good skin...

You are so narrow minded you could look through a keyhole with both eyes simultaneously.

Silence.
Then turn back to the people you were talking with, and carry on your thread of conversation.

Some nice ones here, very funny and/or classy.

Another FB find: When I type 'WTF' but it autocorrects to "Verily, I hath witnessed a spectacle so witless, mine very soul hath packed its belongings and fled mine body. 'Tis as though reason itself hath tripped over a turnip and perished."

God wasted a perfectly good arsehole when he put teeth your mouth

He/She has the perinalty of a Snow Drift and a brain to match.

Used by New Zealanders

Sorry. Should say personality Over anxious spell checker

“Less use than Anne Frank’s drum kit” made me laugh today