Friend friends with friend with benefits!

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I have a sexual arrangement with a male friend. This has happily gone on for a few years but is entirely secret. I have told literally nobody and i have no reason to think my friend has either.

A female friend of mine has become increasingly friendly with my male friend. There is nothing sexual to it (she is happily married) but they are seeing more and more of each other, with me as part of the group. I feel slightly dishonest in not telling her the extent of my friendship with my male friend. He and I are obviously intimate in more than just a physical way, and whilst it's not a bf/gf relationship it is nevertheless more than she realises. When she mentions him I often know more or differently to what she says etc.

I don't like keeping things from her. She is a great mate. If she ever found out second hand it wouldn't look great and I would feel sad that it had happened that way. But on the other hand I don't want anyone to know about my arrangement. What would you do? I am tempted to keep quiet and risk it.

“If she ever found out second hand it wouldn't look great”

you don’t owe it to anyone to discuss your private life

How would she find out second hand if neither of you tell anyone? Nobody needs to no about your sex life

I get that. But it's a bit of a sin of ommission when female friend is talking about male friend and I know different because of an aspect of my relationship with him she knows nothing about. It's annoying that this has happened as we don't have other mutual friends.

I suppose the more she is friends with us both the more chance there is of it happening somehow. I dont know how, but it might.

Looks like you're worrying about nothing.

So what?

No-one needs to know about your private sex life.

None of us can say if your FWB is going to tell her. He might, given they are hanging out more. You say there's nothing going on between them, but it's also true this guy likes a roster of attentive females meeting his needs.

it's up to you whether you tell her, it's not something you control entirely though and that's just the consequence of the situation where you are secretly sleeping with another member of the group!

Does she know you know him? Surely if you know more/differently you just don’t say anything - it’s up to him what he shares with people, no one ever has the whole picture so just smile and nod.

“But it's a bit of a sin of ommission when female friend is talking about male friend and I know different because of an aspect of my relationship with him”.

no, it’s not

This guy might also be telling you one thing and her another thing. What makes you think you have the full truth?

I know you say she’s happily married, but if she’s getting closer to your FWB, is there maybe a tiny bit of you that wants to tell her to mark your territory?

No idea why you'd want to tell her if no-one else knows. Are either of you in a relationship with someone else?

Maybe ask the guy what he thinks

Say nothing, if you must you will have to warn male friend what you are going to do. You will have to be extra careful if you don't want her to find out, no secret touches or knowing looks. Assuming you are both single she may wonder why you aren't together though.

I had a friend actually fall out with me and never speak to me again in a similar situation. She felt like as my friend, she had a right to know. It was bizarre. Made me realise that she wasn’t a friend at all in the end. Good riddance. Not her business, neither is this your friends business.