I’m not looking forward to Christmas at all

[IMissFruitClubs]

I know it’s only October so maybe there’s time but I’m feeling so meh about Christmas this year. I’m not a tree up in November person, and I roll my eyes at mince pies in the shops already but in general I do love December, all the lights and the music and the markets and all that shebang. This year it all just feels so lacklustre. I know it’s maybe in part that my parents are away for Christmas this year (I don’t blame them), so I’m facing Christmas Day with just my husband, daughter and his mother (who doesn’t like me). I don’t have any other family that live close by and anyway they’re busy with their bigger family gatherings and I’m sure friends all have busy christmases too. Same with NYE, we never go out because we end up surrounded by big family and friend groups and feeling a bit awkward as a group of 2 or 3. I don’t know, just the reality of life but I’m sad that it all seems so unexciting.

Well it is a bit early and still quite mild in many places, and with Halloween yet to come bit early to get in the Christmas spirit. But not sure why having a small family has any thing to do with it. My DH died when my kids were little and half the time it’s just us three (the other half we go abroad to visit family, but missed four years of that during the pandemic). We always have a lovely time and I almost think the kids prefer it rather than the odd extended family get togethers we’ve attended in the past. large family things can be fun but it’s also overwhelming and full of compromise.And it’s exhausting! Be grateful for what you have and give it a few weeks for the Christmas spirit to descend!

It sounds a bit as though you've fallen into the mindset of Christmas/NY as portrayed by the glossy magazines/TikTok/influencers. It's not like that for most people.

It's a shame you have to be with someone who doesn't like you. Have you spoken to DH about how he can protect you from that on the day? But otherwise what you're describing sounds like a perfectly normal time for the vast majority. Not hoardes of people round the table or quaffing champagne in large groups.

There's no need to feel uncomfortable at parties - your family is what it is. Don't feel that somehow you are failing that you're not bringing a large group. Be yourselves and enjoy it.

It sounds a bit as though you've fallen into the mindset of Christmas/NY as portrayed by the glossymagazines/TikTok/influencers. It's not like that for most people

I very much agree with this. And the thought of being in a big group, with everyone having their own ways of doing things etc, might sound fun for a couple of hours, but the reality can be bloody exhausting and it’s like a military operation for whoever is doing all the donkey work.

I think that the way to enjoy Christmas is to get into the right mindset. It’s 2-3 days with your DH and your DD. Two people you love very much. You get to choose what you do, whether that’s going ice skating or to a museum or for afternoon tea or to a comedy show. You can make it as exciting or as relaxed as your budget allows. You get to choose your favourite foods and drink. You get to what your celebrations look like between you. It doesn’t have to be a big party; there’s room for families of all sizes.

And yes, you might have to spend it with your MiL too, but get her some sherry, keep her glass topped up and whack the heating up. She’ll have nodded off before you know it.

My mum has a few weeks left on the planet due to cancer.

Work is a nightmare for both of us right now.

I’ll spend Christmas cooking for the in-laws who are part nightmare, part deaf and zero fun. Keeps DH happy though.

The kids are grown up and will vanish to their rooms to study for post Christmas exams or out to work at all hours as their jobs revolve around Christmas.

we don’t do presents, we do holidays. The current one is under threat due to when Mum might depart us.

Would you like to swap?