Is it weird for a couple to be together for a long time and to not be engaged or have kids and hardly have sex?

[GreatestStar2]

As this is the case for me and my girlfriend who have been together for over 7 years. We’re both neurodivergent at the age of 33 and she has learning difficulties and I have autism. We both work full time too and have recently both bought our own house.

However we haven’t got engaged and we both want children, but haven’t yet due not having much if any sex, financially not sufficient enough for kids and working full time!

Looking at social media I particularly feel behind in life and also a loser too. I feel that there are societal expectations and that it’s making me feel like a failure.

We’ve also recently just came back from a holiday and saw a few young families on the plane and at the hotel and it’s making me feel like shit!

What are your thoughts?

You shouldn't worry about societal expectations. It is often the case that relationships slow down after a few years. Normal doesn't exist as everyone has their own idea of what it is.
Maybe talk to your gf about how you feel?

As long as you're both happy with the way things are don't worry what anyone else thinks! If you're not both happy, work on things together so that you are.

I will have chat about this tonight with her

Have you talked to her about this? Does she want to get married and have children?

My thoughts are you’re both doing better than the majority of couples your age if you’re working and have bought a property.
comparison is the thief of joy, as the saying goes.
30’s is a common age to start all the marriage/family stuff. Remember that half of those marriages will end in divorce.

You do you at your own pace and maybe reduce your social media use.

It really is just full of young performative ‘look at me’ types. Everything is treated as a tickbox exercise.

I say this as an autistic old woman with an autistic son (like you has a job flat and GF) and he tends to avoid social media but his GF is addicted to TikTok and it has really affected her ability to appreciate what’s good about her life (but she is getting some coaching for her ADHD now so things are better).
How does your partner feel about the kids issue?
Are you able to talk to her about it?
You could always try therapy to explore things (often helps to talk to someone outside the family).
my son has been doing it for 18 months and said it’s the best choice he’s ever made. I wish you well.

You’re the bus driver aren’t you, you need to focus on what you do have and stop comparing yourself to other people. You’ll never be happy if you constantly compare. You have a full time job, you have a girlfriend, you have your health, you’re doing a lot better than many others.