Really lost my confidence with work/colleagues

[HoldingOntoTheEdgeOfMySeat]

Hey,

I came back from maternity leave around 10 months ago. Whilst I was away most of my old colleagues have left, but a few remain. The team has changed. Not everyone was best friends, but generally everyone rubbed along. But, amongst the new team there's a lot of cliqueyness/bitching.

A while ago something happened at work, accusations were made about one of my colleagues, which were untrue. Multiple complaints were made about this person and everyone in the team were questioned by management. I told my manager the truth, I didn't think that there was anything in the issues that had been raised and it was not my experience of this person. To which she agreed with me, but obviously she had to investigate. This person then was off for a while due stress.

Some of those who made the complaint asked what I thought about our colleague being off and I kept it very short and just said if I was in the same situation, I wouldn't particularly want to be at work either and left it at that. I try to keep out of work politics, but I can't stand by bullying.

I get the feeling that a couple of those people do not trust or like me. Probably as a result of me speaking honestly and not agreeing with them.

The other day one of my colleagues texted me and asked if I was coming out for drinks on such and such night. I replied and said no one had mentioned it, but I may come. I thought I would wait to see if the organiser(s) would say anything to me. No one said anything, so I didn't go. I'm pretty sure it was one of those who aren't so keen on me who organised. I think there may have been a couple of others not invited, however I can't be sure. I could have gone, but tbh it feels deliberate, so it would've just felt awkward going.

It sounds pathetic but it's really thrown me. I try my best to be polite to everyone, keep my head down and get my work done. I avoid drama. I have never found myself in this position. I feel pushed out. Dynamics in the team have changed and definitely not for the best. I don't like everyone I work with and I know I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that. But the feeling of being pushed out/excluded is horrible. I've never had issues with my colleagues, always got on well enough with most people, gone for the odd Christmas dinner or after work drinks.

I'm not going to go moaning to management, that's not my style at all.

It just feels shit.

Hmm. Sounds like you are getting caught up in it. They are colleagues. You have a family

Aw I’m so sorry to hear this. I have been through this when you come back and the whole world and political landscape have changed. It’s very sad when you used to get on with the people and it was a nice team.

If I were you I’d just keep your head down. There’s obviously some kind of power shift and you don’t want to get caught up in it. Do your job, say as little as possible and keep half an eye out for other openings or roles externally.

It's sad, but so many people are saying workplaces have changed like this in the last decade or so. More about the in-group (you're in or you're not), ways it is organised meaning some people see each other all the time, others don't, less support, people leaving more quickly, bad management...I'm sure it doesn't apply to all workplaces, but many friends in different fields are saying thing similar to this.
It's all very well saying leave work at 5pm and focus on your family, but most people used to be close with workmates. My parents' age group seemed to stay close with ex coworkers and keep friendships long into retirement, and why not? You spend a lot of time at work, and presumably have a lot in common if you chose the same career.