Given up on men due to long term lack of appreciation and general roving eye

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

I've had 3 long term relationships. All 3 have eventually drifted into a lack of appreciation of me. The last one, we even discussed why I'd ended relationship number 2. Valuing friends more than me, taking me for granted and just generally never showing or expressing any appreciation for me. And then within 3 or 4 years, number 3 was doing the same thing.

I think I'm pretty loving in my relationships. Expressing my feelings, showing them how I care about them through affection and passion, and also through my actions. But eventually my partners have all just kind of dropped me down their list of importance.

And then, lo and behold, when I dump them, they express massive grief, love and regret and beg for reconciliation.

WHY THE FUCK do they do this? I thought I'd circumnavigated this with number 3, through the discussion we'd had about it, but no.

Are you discussing it with them when it starts happening, as opposed to letting it simmer and then dumping them?

DP and I can both be guilty of this on occasion. It's inevitable when you're in a long relationship. Life gets busy and your partner becomes the person you live with and see in between ding with everything else. Sometimes it takes one person saying "I'm feeling a bit neglected" and then a proper effort to spend quality time together.

And then, lo and behold, when I dump them, they express massive grief, love and regret and beg for reconciliation.

I think what they probably don't like is that you've cut off their access to sex and domestic comforts.

How old are you OP?

Agree. By showing them how I care about them through affection and passion, and also through my actions I presume you cook for them, do the laundry, housework like changing the bed, etc? Unfortunatley they do take advantage of this and of course will kick off when their free ride stops.

I'm older now, but this goes back to being in my 20s.

I have let them know how I feel (in all 3 relationships) but it more or less was dismissed. Might change for a day or 2 but never really any longer.

I was never the full on domestic goddess. I do like a clean and tidy home but I've been a major and equal contributer financially so wasn't able to offer the full whack of household comfort.

Ironically, my 1st ex, is now singing my praises to his current wife. Apparantely I didn't just heat up food (burgers, chicken kievs etc), I did proper cooking. Which I did, BUT it would have been once a week or so. His new wife is much more the domestic ideal but doesn't bring in equal money so now he's unhappy again.

It's either me picking shit partners or it's something about me that makes them think they can dismiss me.

If you do have another relationship stop being so available to them by that I mean have your own friends, social life, go out and do your own thing, gym etc. Maybe they need to miss you a bit more and feel they need to make more of an effort to keep you x

Obviously this is just conjecture as I don't know you! Just from what you said ... This approach works for me!

Always have done. I'm staying single from now on. A partner should enhance your life and if they're not doing that, I'd rather give it a swerve.

Good... Well I will adjust my comments to say that as well from my own experience that a lot of men just aren't worth making the effort for. The effort into the relationship is often different in that different is being provided from both sides but the effort should be equal if that makes sense and if it's not then that's the answer sorry op x

It's either me picking shit partners or it's something about me that makes them think they can dismiss me

Well, a man who, at some point, thinks it’s ok to start dismissing their partner and not treat them well is a bad partner. I’m not saying that to be a smart arse. It’s because I think giving thought to who you are choosing is better than sliding into the kind of low self esteem that might make you believe there is something in your character that would make someone disregard your feelings and your worth.

Maybe you are choosing too soon. It’s easy to get carried away in the exciting rush of a new relationship. But it’s a good idea to remember you’re not seeing the whole, real person during that heady phase.