How do I snap out of this awful anxiety with money?

[Handlepop]

Objectively, I know I’m in a fairly good position.

I think because I dropped to working part time after having kids, when before kids I was working full time and earning well, I’ve developed this complex with money.

I am 30, married happily, have 2 toddlers.
I have a good pot invested (£45,000) and a good pension plan and have a small mortgage left on our 3 bed semi.

I work 3 days and am still able to save each month along with my husband. I have a budget for spending freely too.
I’m picking up a couple of extra shifts and going to put half of the excess money into savings and half on treats for me or the kids or us as a family.

I just feel disconnected and don’t even feel real happiness in my savings or spending.

I don’t know why, any advice?

I'm not surprised you feel anxious, your salary has almost halved. And it can be hard to do a job only 3 days a week.

The question is what do you want to change? Spend money and not worry?

I worked 3 days when mine were little and we massively felt it but I look back and my own view is that I had that “time”.
I could always go to the assemblies, school events, help on school trips and volunteer at school, get them to appointments, pick them up and drop off a couple of days a week to be able to see the teachers if needs be. My kids are aware of this and my son who is 14 said to me last week about me being on a school trip with them and then my younger 7yr old said “yes mummy is coming with us too” and they like that.

I think it sounds like you’re in a good financial position and you say you can still save? We definately couldn’t when I was doing that and we can’t always do that now!!

I think you have to be at peace with it, mine are now 14, 10 and 7 and I work full time compressed into 4 days a have some flexibility each week on my “day off” and this works for us.

Different things work at different stages. My partner is a shift worker but they’re quite flexible, my sister and her husband both work 4 days a week (he does compressed hours and she does 30hrs) but we help each other out a bit too.

The other thing to consider is the cost of childcare. As toddlers they’ll get funded hours but when they start school they’ll need wraparound care and holiday cover (unless you’re a teacher and don’t work the holidays!)

Why do you need money for 'treats' though when you have a budget for spending freely.

Because humblebrag 🤷‍♀️

I find it odd that your expect to find happiness in spending or saving. Isn't money a means to an end? Or do you mean you don't find happiness in being able to buy the kids an ice cream at the park or going on holiday with them? You have free spending money and extra shifts cover treats (I struggle to see the difference if I'm honest)
We don't have a lot spare. I guess I don't focus on money. If we have no ey left we might go to the pub and have a pint. If we don't, we'll stay in with friends and drink tea. For me happiness comes from spending time with people but generally not in an expensive way. A walk in the woods, a cuppa at the kitchen table etc.