Ideas for a ‘project’ for elderly parent

[Wetwindyweekend]

My dad is in his mid 80s and likes to have things to look forward to and little tasks or projects to keep him occupied. He’s become less mobile in the last 2 years and now that the weather is changing he’s less likely to be doing little jobs in the garden etc so I’m trying to come up with some ideas for something he could potter away at in his own time.

He likes word games (watches Countdown avidly, does anagrams and things) and has had puzzle books in the past. He loves sport. He’s not keen to learn something new (I’ve suggested learning a language, taking up drawing or similar but he’s not too interested).

he’s relatively tech savvy and has an iPad.

it would need to be something he can do at home and without too much movement. And I live overseas so not something we do together in person.

A number of years ago he was given a device to digitize all his photos and slides and he loved that. Something along those lines would
be great - it was quite a big job but not too taxing and had a finite end.

I wondered about Storyworth or similar.

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

My Dad got quite into Ancesrty/family tree stuff (he has dementia now, so finds it too difficult to navigate the app etc)

Duolingo has maths and chess programs, which are both great.
I now know that i am absolutely god awful at chess!

Crossplay is excellent, too. It’s Scrabble, basically; and he can play both the computer, and you as well.

Wordle and Connections are also good.

My 92 year Dad has written a book about his life! In reality it’s anecdotes about his life growing up. He writes little pieces on his lap top and did self publish a few years ago. He did it a few years ago in his 80’s but now enjoys reading it back as it reminds him of things he’s forgotten. He has also done a lot of work on ancestry too creating a family tree.

When my dad had to give up a life long hobby we suggested he write his memoir. I typed it up for him and he got a few copies printed and bound for close family to read. I’m really glad we did it.

How about a kitchen windowsill with herbs and things like a chilli plant, he can still enjoy the fruits of his labour. It’s just a water a day and a quick check.

What about words with friends it’s a free online scrabble game. You two can have a game going over a few days if you’re busy, that’s a nice way to connect. I used to play with my mate in America, I was still working then so games could last a week.

I was going to suggest this! Even if it's just little snippets about how life used to be. It's so lovely to read, especially if his personality is clear in his stories!

What about learning how to play bridge? He could learn online and play online too once he’s got the hang of it.

lots of good ideas here, thank you. I think he’d love the scrabble type things as we always play together in person.

I’ve suggested memoirs before and he dismissed it hence my hesitation over storyworth. But I think it could be a good project.

I’ve also suggested he compile all his best jokes (the ones I’ve heard a million times!) but he thought that was daft too. Sigh.

A number of years ago he was given a device to digitize all his photos and slides and he loved that. Something along those lines would
be great - it was quite a big job but not too taxing and had a finite end.

Build on this. Tell him you want the best of the photos put into a book for the family to keep - look up companies that publish a glossy hardback book of your photos that you design and do the layout.

My DM did something like this - she has a house full of various ornaments and souvenirs, some are very nice and some are antiques or heirlooms. I told her that when she goes we will have no idea what any of this stuff is. She took photos of each thing, and got them published in a photo book with a paragraph about each one, the story behind it, where it came from etc.

Ornaments and heirlooms may not be his thing, but does he have lots of photos of his holidays and travels? Or lots of photos of extended family that have now died? Tell him you want to know about the family tree.

What about the NYT puzzle app, it has lots of daily games to play, I also do the daily quordle and Octordle

He sounds like a lovely
old chap!

@Wetwindyweekend can you remember the name of the device please?
I immediately thought of something like a family tree

Building on the digitised photos can you get him to write the names of the people/ details of the events and holidays etc. we have a lot of FiLs photos and it is so frustrating not knowing who the people are. I wish we’d gone through them with him while he was alive.

There are a few drawing apps online..... like painting by numbers. Would he be interested in that?
The guardian has a good puzzle section too

Lego? There are some lovely models geared towards adult builders these days.

If you think Scrabble is of interest, try www.playscrabble.com. You can play humans or a machine. There are also some daily “challenges”, but I don’t think they are in UK English yet.

Also have a look to see what web facilities/e press/ebooks/audiobooks his local library offer. He might have access to Ancestry.com without needing to visit the library. Also he might discover a local online reading group. Mine can’t be the only one that decided to stay online after lockdowns.

Thanks everyone, lots of great ideas and things for me to look at.

He isn’t at all interested in family history; in fact he’s actively disinterested in it. It’s a shame because it would be exactly the right type of thing that he could get stuck into online.

I’ve suggested drawing and Lego before and he wasn’t keen. I think he has in his head he’s not artistic.creative. He does also have a little trouble with his dexterity in one hand following a stroke a number of years ago so Lego might be a bit fiddly for him anyway.

@Nomdeplumeforthis1 I don’t know exactly what it was, I’m sorry. It must have been at least ten years ago and maybe 15 so I expect things will have improved since then anyway.

Hi Wetwindyweekend, this really resonated — especially the part about him dismissing the big, formal-sounding ideas. If he loves word games and his iPad, and you live overseas, I would keep it small, playful and finite, and never present it as a big life-story project at all.

One idea that often works in exactly this situation is a 12-photo, 12-week project. You pick 12 photos together — or he picks them on his iPad, one at a time, with no pressure to get them in any order. Then, once a week, you send him just one small question about that week's photo, from overseas, by message or email. Not a list, not homework, just one question.

Keep the questions word-game friendly and light, for example: What word would you use to describe the day this photo was taken? What was the first thing you remember eating or hearing that day? Who in the photo would win at Countdown, and why? He can answer in his own way, and a one-minute voice answer on his iPad is plenty — often the voice, with its pauses and laughter, is the part families treasure most later.

The key, I think, is the clear end: tell him from the start that it is 12 photos and 12 weeks, and then it stops. That finite shape is very different from an open-ended project that feels like it will never be finished, and it gives him something to look forward to each week without it taking over his days at home.

At the end you will have 12 photos, 12 short answers and 12 little voice clips, all tied to dates and places he chose. You can simply keep them together in a folder, or print the photos with one line under each one. Nothing needs to be polished, and nothing needs to be called anything grand — it can just be your weekly photo chat, with a definite finish.

If a week is busy, skip it and carry on the next week. The point is a small, enjoyable thing to look forward to, in his own home, at his own pace, with you involved from overseas without it feeling like a chore for either of you. I hope you find a version of this that suits him.

Hi Wetwindyweekend, coming back to the Storyworth part of your question, because your hesitation makes complete sense — and I think it is actually the most useful clue here. If he has already dismissed the idea of a memoir, a service that sends him a big, open question by email every week and asks him to type an answer can easily feel like the same thing in a new outfit: homework, with no clear end, and the pressure to write something polished. That is usually where these projects stall, however good the intentions are.

It tends to work best in a much narrower case: when the parent genuinely enjoys email, likes answering in writing, and looks forward to the prompt itself. It tends to work least well when, like your dad, someone prefers word games, short tasks and a finite job, and when the person asking lives overseas and cannot sit beside him and nudge things along gently.

So before committing to anything, I would run a tiny test of your own for four weeks. Send him one short question a week by message or email, in the style he already likes — not “tell me about your childhood”, but something small and concrete, for example: “What word would you use to describe the day that photo was taken, and why?” or “What was the first thing you remember eating or hearing that day?” Let him answer however he likes: a sentence, a voice note on his iPad, even a single word to start with. Do not tidy his words into formal prose; the pauses, the exact phrases and the jokes are the part families treasure later.

If he replies eagerly three or four weeks running, then a prompted-question format probably suits him, and you will have learned what kind of questions he enjoys. If he stalls, forgets, or gives shorter and shorter answers, that is also an answer — and it points back to what he already loved: a finite, photo-based project with a clear finish, like the digitising job, rather than an open-ended life story. Either way, keep a date and a place with each answer. A short answer with a date on it is worth far more, years from now, than a long polished chapter that never got finished. I hope one of those two paths gives him something to look forward to each week without it ever feeling like a chore.