I'm all hormonal - please share your experience of how breastfeeding was actually very boring/fine but nothing to write home about/ just ok, so I can feel better?

[SarahAndQuack]

The long and short is, I'm in that horrible hormonal stage when you're stopping breastfeeding and I feel awful. I am fully aware this is kindly Mother Nature's way of guilt-tripping you into carrying on, because until very recently, if you couldn't breastfeed a baby, that baby would be in serious trouble.

My baby is just fine. He is a healthy, huge chonk. But I feel awful.

I have no issue with formula feeding. Would totally happily go over to full-time formula, except 1) those bloody hormones and 2) he really minds. He often makes a huge fuss about getting formula, and recently when he had a cold, he totally refuses it. I burnt through my entire stock of expressed milk and he was feeding all the time. On the rare occasions he does manage to latch on he is so pleased with himself, and when I feed him expressed milk in a bottle, he is delighted.

But ... he's 3.5 months old and he's had some formula almost the whole way through. We've had various setbacks - I lost 1.2 litres during birth which delayed my milk coming in (during the heatwave, so he really needed fluids); he's a very big and hungry baby; he struggles to latch (I've got very flat nipples and he can't find a comfy position). We have tried all the things - counsellors, support groups, nipple shields, blah blah. I express, and I am expert at popping him on the boob when the milk is in full flow. But it doesn't work for him, and I can't get my supply up enough with expressing, and I'm on my own and just struggle with getting time to express. Basically, what I'm saying is, I don't think there's much we've not tried. We've just run out of road.

I think the one thing I can work on now is the hormones. So, if you can, please tell me how boring breastfeeding was for you? I really need stories of how it was no great shakes, and you did it dutifully for a year but you hated it/ you breastfed one baby and FF another and you can't even remember feeling any difference/ you did it but so many other things felt more important.

I am struggling so much to remind myself that this is just a tiny stage in his life, and it won't feel important when he's older.

I Bf my first child for 3 months and hated it. Didn’t even try with my other kids. All kids have grown up to be kind and healthy and are well educated in professional careers. You can’t tell the difference!

I understand that breast milk is the perfect food, but a happy and content mother is important too.

I have a slightly unusual angle on it that I couldn't make BF work at all with my first but I did with my second. The main thing I'd say is well done on making it 3.5 months in what sounds like difficult circumstances. With oldest DC yes, I found it boring and relentless, I felt glued to the sofa, they didn't seem satisfied and we both were much happier with a bottle.

There is absolutely no difference in outcome attributable to feeding between both kids - their immune systems are fine, FF child is not overweight and is in fact the one who has done amazingly at school, albeit that's only because DS (who was BF) has raging ADHD but they're both lovely and health teenagers.

Well done to you for doing 3.5 months. I very much only breastfed when it worked for us. My girls got 2.5 years and 15 months, but my boys got 4 months and 8 weeks because it wasn't working. Now they're older you would not be able to tell in any way, shape or form. No difference in our bond, their health or intelligence. In fact, the one that breastfed for the longest has the lowest academic achievements.
The hormones will fade and you will both be fine.

I breastfed for 6 months and I should have stopped earlier. Small boobs, feeding every 90 mins, bloody hated it. But the “guilt” wouldn’t let me stop earlier. Now DS is 9 and I look back and think what a bloody idiot 😂. I should have stopped when I wanted, not when I thought I “should”.

I ff one, Bf one and struggled every day and destroyed myself feeding a third. Absolutely no difference now. I also had one nightmare stopping feeding and one dream - or so I remember. Sure reality might be different. I remember bits about breastfeeding but to be honest they usually have more to do with me than us. If I think of us- me and my baby- feeding is rarely a cherished memory. Although I did love it, it just doesn't make top moments of my memories with the kids, not like them laughing, or enjoying books, or watching them sleep.

Okay feeding went well for me but please please ditch the guilt. My daughter is 9 years old and in a class of 22 i have no idea who breast or bottled fed. Your child is thriving. Please look after your mental.health. its going to be okay. You matter too

Breastfeeding is only great if it’s easy and you both like it. I’m not sure how common it is to have both those things.

I bf for quite a while but at times I felt like a cow and like DD only wanted me for a free dinner and I could jog on otherwise. I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did, now I look back.

Oh and we co slept. She could sort herself out feeding in the night which meant I got a bit of sleep. That was the main perk, I think.

Life is too short. Once you’re the other side and see nothing terrible had happened (or even changed) from stopping you’ll settle right down.

I found the whole baby stage terribly boring and still don't see the attraction of it 30 years later!

I breastfed my first for 8 weeks. I didn't regret stopping at all. In fact I was relieved.

I'm still breastfeeding my second at 18 months. I wish I could fully stop but she co sleeps and convincing a toddler not to night feed it nigh on impossible when you're a buffet next to their nose. I stopped day feeding as I got sick to death of being attached by the nipple for every single inconvenience. Bored? Nipple. Tired? Nipple. Teething? Nipple. Sat down? Nipple. My poor nips went through some shit 😂. I don't particularly enjoy breastfeeding, I find it very overstimulating, I get touched out but it's handy and it saved money in formula and bottles. Truth be told, if she didn't have issues with dairy I'd have bottle fed her around the 4 month stage. She never would take the dairy free stuff, I did try!

I'm very close to my eldest, it hasn't affected her or us at all. I don't even think about it.

You need to do what's best for you at this time. The baby will be fine breast or formula fed. They need you to be mentally healthy. It's not always possible for various reasons as you know, it's not your fault, you are not failing him and you will both enjoy it more when feeding is not a constant struggle for one reason and another.

DD1 - breastfed for 5 weeks.
DD2 - breastfed for 3.5 years

Now in late teens they are literally THE SAME! No discernible difference, we joke about how similar they are… they even got exactly the same GCSE results 2 years apart!

Right now it feels like the end of the world, but in the bigger picture it doesn’t matter. Same goes for when they learned to walk/ said first word/potty trained… it matters not 💐

There's actually little point people telling you it's crap because some day v soon you'll see or hear something about BFing being great and you'll be back at square one. It can be wonderful but it's not for you. I spent years tying myself in knots about childbirth after two emcs, convinced I'd failed and feeling physical pain and desperation when people described the joy of natural birth. And I tried so hard to give birth naturally. Sadly, it went wrong and I needed a lot of intervention. Ultimately I realised that my path wasn't other people's path and emcs for me was the guarantee of safety and health and a wonderful solution to something I could never have done. Formula is the same for you. Do you wish you could bfeed easily? Of course. Can you still be a bloody brilliant mother and everything your dc needs without it. Of course!

BFing is wonderful. Natural birth is wonderful. But the alternatives are wonderful too.

You've done a fantastic job to persevere as long as you have.