I'm all hormonal - please share your experience of how breastfeeding was actually very boring/fine but nothing to write home about/ just ok, so I can feel better?

[SarahAndQuack]

The long and short is, I'm in that horrible hormonal stage when you're stopping breastfeeding and I feel awful. I am fully aware this is kindly Mother Nature's way of guilt-tripping you into carrying on, because until very recently, if you couldn't breastfeed a baby, that baby would be in serious trouble.

My baby is just fine. He is a healthy, huge chonk. But I feel awful.

I have no issue with formula feeding. Would totally happily go over to full-time formula, except 1) those bloody hormones and 2) he really minds. He often makes a huge fuss about getting formula, and recently when he had a cold, he totally refuses it. I burnt through my entire stock of expressed milk and he was feeding all the time. On the rare occasions he does manage to latch on he is so pleased with himself, and when I feed him expressed milk in a bottle, he is delighted.

But ... he's 3.5 months old and he's had some formula almost the whole way through. We've had various setbacks - I lost 1.2 litres during birth which delayed my milk coming in (during the heatwave, so he really needed fluids); he's a very big and hungry baby; he struggles to latch (I've got very flat nipples and he can't find a comfy position). We have tried all the things - counsellors, support groups, nipple shields, blah blah. I express, and I am expert at popping him on the boob when the milk is in full flow. But it doesn't work for him, and I can't get my supply up enough with expressing, and I'm on my own and just struggle with getting time to express. Basically, what I'm saying is, I don't think there's much we've not tried. We've just run out of road.

I think the one thing I can work on now is the hormones. So, if you can, please tell me how boring breastfeeding was for you? I really need stories of how it was no great shakes, and you did it dutifully for a year but you hated it/ you breastfed one baby and FF another and you can't even remember feeling any difference/ you did it but so many other things felt more important.

I am struggling so much to remind myself that this is just a tiny stage in his life, and it won't feel important when he's older.

I Bf my first child for 3 months and hated it. Didn’t even try with my other kids. All kids have grown up to be kind and healthy and are well educated in professional careers. You can’t tell the difference!

I understand that breast milk is the perfect food, but a happy and content mother is important too.

I have a slightly unusual angle on it that I couldn't make BF work at all with my first but I did with my second. The main thing I'd say is well done on making it 3.5 months in what sounds like difficult circumstances. With oldest DC yes, I found it boring and relentless, I felt glued to the sofa, they didn't seem satisfied and we both were much happier with a bottle.

There is absolutely no difference in outcome attributable to feeding between both kids - their immune systems are fine, FF child is not overweight and is in fact the one who has done amazingly at school, albeit that's only because DS (who was BF) has raging ADHD but they're both lovely and health teenagers.

Well done to you for doing 3.5 months. I very much only breastfed when it worked for us. My girls got 2.5 years and 15 months, but my boys got 4 months and 8 weeks because it wasn't working. Now they're older you would not be able to tell in any way, shape or form. No difference in our bond, their health or intelligence. In fact, the one that breastfed for the longest has the lowest academic achievements.
The hormones will fade and you will both be fine.

I breastfed for 6 months and I should have stopped earlier. Small boobs, feeding every 90 mins, bloody hated it. But the “guilt” wouldn’t let me stop earlier. Now DS is 9 and I look back and think what a bloody idiot 😂. I should have stopped when I wanted, not when I thought I “should”.

I ff one, Bf one and struggled every day and destroyed myself feeding a third. Absolutely no difference now. I also had one nightmare stopping feeding and one dream - or so I remember. Sure reality might be different. I remember bits about breastfeeding but to be honest they usually have more to do with me than us. If I think of us- me and my baby- feeding is rarely a cherished memory. Although I did love it, it just doesn't make top moments of my memories with the kids, not like them laughing, or enjoying books, or watching them sleep.

Okay feeding went well for me but please please ditch the guilt. My daughter is 9 years old and in a class of 22 i have no idea who breast or bottled fed. Your child is thriving. Please look after your mental.health. its going to be okay. You matter too

Breastfeeding is only great if it’s easy and you both like it. I’m not sure how common it is to have both those things.

I bf for quite a while but at times I felt like a cow and like DD only wanted me for a free dinner and I could jog on otherwise. I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did, now I look back.

Oh and we co slept. She could sort herself out feeding in the night which meant I got a bit of sleep. That was the main perk, I think.

Life is too short. Once you’re the other side and see nothing terrible had happened (or even changed) from stopping you’ll settle right down.

I found the whole baby stage terribly boring and still don't see the attraction of it 30 years later!

I breastfed my first for 8 weeks. I didn't regret stopping at all. In fact I was relieved.

I'm still breastfeeding my second at 18 months. I wish I could fully stop but she co sleeps and convincing a toddler not to night feed it nigh on impossible when you're a buffet next to their nose. I stopped day feeding as I got sick to death of being attached by the nipple for every single inconvenience. Bored? Nipple. Tired? Nipple. Teething? Nipple. Sat down? Nipple. My poor nips went through some shit 😂. I don't particularly enjoy breastfeeding, I find it very overstimulating, I get touched out but it's handy and it saved money in formula and bottles. Truth be told, if she didn't have issues with dairy I'd have bottle fed her around the 4 month stage. She never would take the dairy free stuff, I did try!

I'm very close to my eldest, it hasn't affected her or us at all. I don't even think about it.

You need to do what's best for you at this time. The baby will be fine breast or formula fed. They need you to be mentally healthy. It's not always possible for various reasons as you know, it's not your fault, you are not failing him and you will both enjoy it more when feeding is not a constant struggle for one reason and another.

DD1 - breastfed for 5 weeks.
DD2 - breastfed for 3.5 years

Now in late teens they are literally THE SAME! No discernible difference, we joke about how similar they are… they even got exactly the same GCSE results 2 years apart!

Right now it feels like the end of the world, but in the bigger picture it doesn’t matter. Same goes for when they learned to walk/ said first word/potty trained… it matters not 💐

There's actually little point people telling you it's crap because some day v soon you'll see or hear something about BFing being great and you'll be back at square one. It can be wonderful but it's not for you. I spent years tying myself in knots about childbirth after two emcs, convinced I'd failed and feeling physical pain and desperation when people described the joy of natural birth. And I tried so hard to give birth naturally. Sadly, it went wrong and I needed a lot of intervention. Ultimately I realised that my path wasn't other people's path and emcs for me was the guarantee of safety and health and a wonderful solution to something I could never have done. Formula is the same for you. Do you wish you could bfeed easily? Of course. Can you still be a bloody brilliant mother and everything your dc needs without it. Of course!

BFing is wonderful. Natural birth is wonderful. But the alternatives are wonderful too.

You've done a fantastic job to persevere as long as you have.

DS1 breastfed for 3 months, mixed fed for 3 more months (to make myself feel better - the bf was morning and evening and I’m fairly sure all his nutrition came from the formula) and FF after that.

DD2 BF for 8 months

Both in their twenties now and of course you’d have no idea which one had the longer bf.

Breast feeding DS was very stressful - he just didn’t put on weight well enough and everyone was very concerned. When I switched to mixed feeding his weight whooshed up the charts. I enjoyed having a bit of flexibility and the fact that he wasn’t permanently attached. I remember telling DH I wish I could unzip my boobs and leave DS to feed!

DD was a completely different experience and I don’t really know why, except for the fact she got the hang of it really easily and fed well so I enjoyed it more. It’s all very much the distant past now, despite it feeling like the most important thing in the world at the time!

Do what works for you both OP.

Most things about motherhood make you feel guilty in some way, feeding is no different. If you’re not feeling guilty about something for the majority of the time before they get to university then you probably aren’t doing a very good job. Get used to it!

In France Drs routinely say breast is best for baby and bottle is best for mum.
baby can’t be happy if mum is stressed, depressed, not coping with breast feeding.
i have had four kids. I bf my first 2, the contractions with 3 meant I gave up (you get contractions when you bf with later kids). I was in agony, baby was distressed. Dr sat me down in hospital and said babies are like radio frequency detectors. Do not go on like this.
there is no better feeling than handing the bottle to dh and saying your turn.
Also you can’t tell the difference between 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. There’s a joke they all end up eating McDonald’s chips off the floor no matter what you do. It’s true

Fed four children for ten fucking years on the trot. No break. At the time the advice (here, and elsewhere) about the benefits was absolutely militant. I felt so much pressure.

Honestly I wish I hadn’t bothered. I didn’t get a wink of bloody sleep for nigh on a decade and I felt like my children would starve every time I left the house. Not a single one slept anywhere but on me, including in a pram or cot. I think it all contributed to quite severe, untreated PND in hindsight. I wouldn’t do it again.

I breastfed my first for 6 weeks and then 6 weeks of mixed feeding before going fully onto formula. I had awful mastitis and felt so unwell, was very weepy and guilty about stopping feeding! He took to the bottle very enthusiastically and stopped wanting to breastfeed which felt to me like a failure on my part 😕 but honestly, he was fine, a very healthy child and hardly ever ill - now a hale and hearty 36 year old! I wish I hadn't beaten myself up with all that guilt, it was so unnecessary!

This is my exact experience, and it completely ruined my boobs 😂

Ds1 bf for all of my maternity leave. Tried expressing; didn't work. He was well into weaning then (a long time ago)so a natural halt.
Twins-i tried. I really did, but 3 under 2 was brutal. Lovely health visitor suggested to move on.
Dd-until she was 18 months and almost bit my nipple off. An abrupt end to our bf journey.
And you know, they are all strapping adults with few health concerns. Did I feel guilty? A bit, but when they are eating ok, sleeping through and thriving, that goes. Be gentle with yourself op.

Thanks all, so much! As you can imagine, I posted that and the baby woke up, and I've only just got back through the cycle to get him down again for tonight!

You are all so kind.

@somanychristmaslights and @Livelaughlurgy, I'm sorry you had it so rough and wish you'd stopped/felt destroyed!

@ShowOfHands - oh no, this thread with people telling me how it is, is exactly what I needed! I know exactly what you mean (and I'm sorry you have the same experience with birth). But I really value MN threads for giving those details that stick with you and therefore make it sink in more than a generic 'u did so good hun!' response.

@JaniceBattersby, blimey! That sounds very hard.

@whippersnapper55, oh, you poor love! That's definitely hormones, isn't it, when you feel terrible they won't feed.

I feel a lot better for reading this. I was a bit more firm today about the formula and he hasn't had a single breastfeed or expressed breastmilk. I'm a bit achy (which surprised me as I didn't think I was expressing enough to need to taper off), but I feel ok about it.

I tried for more than 4 months to keep breastfeeding going, chucked loads of money at it and everything. I was devastated when he then went on a full on nursing strike and we had to switch to bottles. But 5 nights of 5+h sleeps later... I felt much less devastated 😂 I look back now 2 years down the line and regret not stopping earlier tbh

Fed first baby for 22 months. Gave up as I had one UTI after another (not his fault!) and each course of antibiotics I took gave him the shits.

Fed second one for 2 years but only once a day towards the end. He was never a good feeder and needed constant adjusting for the whole 2 years.

I've honestly never missed it or even through about it since then.

I was in the marriage from hell then a women's refuge during all that feeding so I wonder now if I kept going because I couldn't influence anything else.

Oh, goodness. I hope things are much better now!

Late to the party but in case anyone’s still watching I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. I’m also in the process of stopping breastfeeding at 8 weeks. We only ever managed partial breast feeding and I was also expressing milk trying to get my supply up. Lots of challenges, lots of pain and bleeding for me and ultimately I’ve given up because I have to go back to work in 4 weeks and could only continue then if the bf were easy and stress free. Seems little chance of getting to that point so better to focus on all the other lovely things about having a baby. I also could really do with starting some medication that’s not compatible with breastfeeding. I know it’s the right choice for us to stop but it’s so sad because when it does go well we both really enjoy it. Even when there’s only a little bit of milk there it still calms her down. Anyway, very helpful to hear the other side of it and remember that it is very unlikely to result in any discernible difference long term. OP I hope it’s going well for you and feels more positive a couple of weeks on.

That sounds so hard and you've done so amazingly well. The bleeding sounds awful.

I know exactly what you mean about it being sad because when it works it is good. Same!

I did limp on with a bit of breastfeeding; he suddenly seemed to get over the issues with latching and position, but it was just too late, and my supply was pretty much gone. So we got to four months and I think the last proper feed was last Thursday (he's had the odd go since). So I think we're done.

It is really sad as he still does that thing of cuddling in hopefully and trying to latch on through my clothes, but I don't think there's anything there any more and now I've stopped pumping, it is actually easier to get him to accept formula.

I hope it will be ok for you. Word of warning - I thought I wouldn't possibly get mastitis because I had so little milk and I'd stopped so gradually, but I did get it on one side, even so!

Thanks so much for your lovely kind post - I hope you're soon enjoying all the guilt-free snuggles!

Thank you ❤️ and I’ll watch out for mastitis, that really would be the icing on the cake.