What age would you leave children overnight while working shifts?

[LostMyTrainOfThought]

What age would you leave your children overnight whilst you go to work.
I'm a single parent with no regular overnight childcare, and a night owl, I currently work 9-5 but I would like to apply for a job that is shift work, some of those shifts will be overnight.
My oldest is 15 but has SEN (ASD/ADHD) she is perfectly safe at home alone but not as mature as a 15 year old without SEN
My youngest is 11 and will be starting secondary school September 2027 and is very mature and sensible (no SEN needs) but possibly has ADHD.

I thought maybe 14 and 18 would be sensible but I would really like to hear other parents experiences.

If they get along and would look after each other 14 & 18 sounds sensible.

It completely depends on the child, so no one here can really answer for you. And it's pretty much impossible to predict when they will be comfortable with being left alone overnight. Depending how well they get along, 13 & 17 might be fine.

I was left home alone overnight from about 15 I think, possibly a bit younger, and I absolutely hated it. But I would have been fine if I'd had an older sibling in the house (who was nice to me, etc).

16

I started to leave mine overnight during my night shifts when DD was 16 and DS 13. DD was extremely mature and capable of getting help if any problems and lots of family close by.
DD went to Uni last year and DS has been left overnight from 16, He is fairly mature for his age and is comfortable being in the house alone.

I’m going younger - I think 12 and 16 is fine.
I have left my 15 year old overnight alone, and she was perfectly happy, in fact enjoyed it. I find this subject interesting because what level are you waiting for them to reach? Would she get out in a fire? Absolutely, yes, straight out since about 12. (Younger than that and they used to talk about saving the hamster first).
would she be able to fight off an intruder? Absolutely not, but neither would I, neither would my Nan who lives alone.

I think it depends on the children. Mine wouldn't have got themselves up for school at that age, their ability to sleep through multiple alarms was astounding.

Can't parents be charged with neglect if they leave a 16 year old home at night? Theoretically, under the Neglect law? And doesn't the NSPCC say under 16s shouldn't be left alone?
Yes, I know a lot of people used to babysit alone when they were well under that, before anyone says. But OP's asking.

Only if they're at risk of harm.

This really depends on the children and the circumstances. I would happily leave my 16, almost 14 and 12 year olds overnight together as they're all sensible, get along well enough and have grandparents available near by.
If they weren't as sensible, were likely to fight, didn't have anyone to call in an emergency etc then probably 16 minimum.

Thanks for the comments. I do understand it depends on the children but I guess I'm trying to figure how you decided they would be ok. Honestly, I feel like I would always worry about my children (age 13 or 30!)
My girls get along well, ironically that is mostly when im not at home but when do you go from leaving them in the daytime to overnight.

This is how im thinking, I have taught them what to do in a fire but what if they didn't remember or panicked. I would probably get into trouble for leaving them alone..

I was left alone at 14 with 4 younger siblings but when I look back was I lucky nothing happened? or could I have dealt with it. I tend to think the latter but I really cant be sure. Which is why im posting this question.

Don't be ridiculous I'd moved out at 16

I wouldn't. It has been shown, time & again, that teens do not wake up for fire/smoke alarms, which makes them vulnerable if there is a fire. Their immature brains still rely on an adult to wake them.

I’ve never heard this. Surely most teens are not still woken up by parents for school? I can’t remember when dds started setting their own alarm but it definitely wasnt older than year 7.

What will you do when the 18 year old wants to stay out/sleep at a friends? Shift work could happen at weekends too. You don’t want to make them feel responsible for having to come back to stay with the younger one.

I have read this too, something in their brains doesn't recognise the alarm sound. Not just fire alarm but clock alarms too.
DD could sleep right through it when she was a teen.

I guess with this then that parents know their teens, and whether they sleep through alarms or not. You’d find out mom-Fri every week.

Completely depends on the child. My eldest would have been perfectly capable at 15 … my youngest, who is 15 now would freak if anything went wrong. So only you can judge.

And of course it’s whether they feel comfortable bring alone.

My 16yo gets himself up each morning with his own alarm. He doesn't snooze it. He's very responsible.

This is a valid point. DH works shifts all through the week. Weekdays and weekends. You can't pick and choose not to work weekends so teens can go out with their friends on a Friday or Saturday night...

My concern would be them not waking for a fire alarm. My children sleep through when our burglar alarm goes off full volume, they’ve slept through the fire alarm before, they’ve slept through my husband using an impact driver drill which made the whole house reverberate and I wouldn't have classed them as particularly heavy sleepers.
there are definitely studies out there that show children don’t hear and wake up to alarms in the same way that adults do. So that would be the main concern to me.

The youngest would have to be 16 for me. The eldest (if like my family member) would be capable, but the ADHD would affect their decision making process in an emergency. There is nothing wrong with telling an 18yo they have to stay in 5 nights a week for the benefit of the family.

I think your plan to wait until they are 14 and 18 sounds very sensible, particularly given your eldest’s additional needs. Every child is different, but overnight care requires a different level of confidence and responsibility than being left alone for a few hours during the day.

I would quite happily leave my 14 year old during the day but not overnight as I doubt he'd get himself up on time as he can sleep through anything. In fact he once slept through the smoke alarm so I wouldn't for that reason alone! 14 & 18 would be fine if the 18 year old was always there, but what if they go off to uni etc.