I can't stop daydreaming

[sosomewhereelse]

from going down far too many internet rabbit holes, what I'm doing apparently has a name, it’s called 'maladaptive daydreaming'.

I feel like it’s getting to the point where it takes over my life. I have people I love, a job, a partner and a child who I absolutely adore. I’m not unhappy with my life and I don’t think I’m doing it because I’m bored or dissatisfied. I’ve done it for years, even when travelling the world and doing things I was genuinely excited about. I genuinely think I have an addiction,

I know some people will probably think I’m strange, deranged, pathetic or whatever, and tell me to grow up and just stop fantasising and they're right.

I know it’s not real im not confused about that. I know I should just stop and I really do try. I do know (or suspect) where it started though. I had a difficult relationship with my mum growing up and as a child I started putting myself into scenarios before bed as kind of an awake dream , usually involving TV shows and characters I liked. There was often a female character who would become “my” mum in the daydream. I think it was probably some kind of coping mechanism.

But I’m an adult now. I’ve done a lot of work on my relationship with my mum and all the “mum issues”, including therapy. I have a partner and a child I love dearly and a life I’m genuinely grateful for, and I STILL do it. It happens when I’m alone but also when I’m with people, even when I’m doing things I should be enjoying. Sometimes I’d genuinely rather be in the daydream, which makes me feel awful. I don’t even consciously decide to do it half the time, it just sort of invades my brain and I get completely lost in it. It’s so vivid like waching a movie but with vr , I have proper emotional reactions to things that aren't even happening.

It’s starting to really bother me because I don’t want to spend my life escaping into my own head when I actually have a life and people I love. I especially feel guilty when I’m with my child because I want to be present and enjoy those moments, not secretly be somewhere else in my imagination. I can't tell anyone because I think it would hurt them (rightfully) to know I’m mentally somewhere else when I’m with them.

I know how pathetic that probably sounds and I feel like I should just be able to stop. I really do want to. I don’t really know why I’m posting this, I think I’m just fed up with myself and needed to say it somewhere.

I've had this all my life OP.
It has had a big impact on my ability to function. But it wasn't until I saw a thread about it a year or two ago that I found out that this is a recognised condition and actually has a name : Maladaptive Daydreaming.
I read about one person who actually gave up working so she could spend her whole time daydreaming.
I used to try and control it as much as I was able but it definitely impacted my ability to study and do exams and even read. I used to try and make myself confine my day dreaming to when I was in bed . These days I lead an isolated life so I give into it a lot more.
If you Google it you can find out about the condition.

I know I day dream too much but it takes me out of the horror that is my reality. It does worry me.

Yes, I;ve been doing a lot of googling.

It's a little frustrating as the little that there is on it from proffesionals and psychologists and the like is about how it 'should' be recognised as a condition with focused research and treatment, but at present isn't, which feels a little frustrating/hopeless .

Thankyou for sharing about yourself though, it helps to hear i'm not alone

Hi @sosomewhereelse mine really kicks in when I'm walking or running, or dancing which feels rude towards my dance partner!
I have inattentive ADHD and I've been on medication for nearly a year now, it's definitely cut out some of the daydreaming so I don't know how much mine overlaps with ADHD rather than just being a thing on its own.
I really don't understand anyone who can sit without external stimulation and not daydream.
You are not alone.
Do you also experience limerance? I sometimes wonder whether the two are linked.

Your subconscious mind, which controls your imagination, creativity, memories and emotions devised this strategy to protect you when you weren't able to deal with the mum issues as a child. It hasn't received the memo that that strategy is no longer required. It's the sort of thing I (and my colleagues) work with; updating the internal operating system to reflect who you are today, not who you were.

This might sound weird but I'd recommend watching 'Drop Dead Fred'. The Phoebe Cates character has the same problem but frees her younger self from the tyranny of her mother. Plus it's very funny in parts!

Thankyou for your response!

Yes I do/have experienced limerance or 'favorite person' (although only really with non romantic relationships ).

I don't love to say it (not because there's anything wrong with adhd but people roll their eyes at the number of people who 'suddeny' say they're undiagnosed), but, yes, I probably am but haven't been diagnosed.

There do seem to be suspected comorbidities (which makes sense )

Thankyou for the reccomendation!

I'll check it out.

I daydream a lot, always have done. At times I have been a bit of a fantasist. Maybe that’s why I became a writer. Maybe writing or some other form of creativity would be a good outlet? Then you can channel it into something fun and satisfying.