Can't stop having sex...

[YouToMeAreEverything]

...with my ex-husband.

Backstory - I divorced him after his addiction issues came to light. He's now in recovery, and will be for life.

I don't feel emotionally attached anymore but my sex-drive is off the charts. And he's there and willing. So we have. Several times. And it's insanely good. My sex-drive was basically nonexistent during the latter years of our marriage but he's now actually responsive, is present, is genuine. I've expressed on many occasions that we will not be getting back together and this is merely sex. Benefits for both of us. He agrees to my terms. And we're at it like teenagers again!

I don't even know if I have a question I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not absolutely insane and sooner or later my sex drive will calm down and I'll become rational and sensible again!

I want to be single and live solo and have no interest in the dating apps; a brief foree ended in me deleting tinder after 24h as it was just overwhelming and not at all what I wanted. Whereas this is safe and secure and easy, he knows what I want and I enjoy it a lot and he leaves when the job is done. I then go about my day/night feeling satisfied and sorted.

Is that absolutely awful?!

Obviously I've tried toys but they don't work like this does!

It’s fine. Have at it.

As long as you are sure you aren't at risk of ending up back in a bad relationship with him, then if it is working for you, why not?

Well you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. As long as you don’t end up pregnant I don’t suppose it’s hurting anyone. Like you say it’s safer and more familiar than some rando off a dating app. Make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea about getting back together though, things could get messy.

Well you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. As long as you don’t end up pregnant I don’t suppose it’s hurting anyone. Like you say it’s safer and more familiar than some rando off a dating app. Make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea about getting back together though, things could get messy.

He's in recovery, I don't think this is fair to him not particularly healthy for either of you.
Find another FWB

I will get flamed for this but I keep wishing my ex was a decent person as I’d absolutely still sleep with him if he was! No idea why women would want to meet random men for sex. I don’t blame you id love a fwb with my ex.

I would. I've been with DH so long that just the thought of having sex with someone else makes me feel sick. As you say he is safe. You know him. The bond is there just not the love any more.
Are you his only sexual partner like he is yours or does he see other women?

I'm sure the familiarity must help too.

You already know each other so well .

Someone gonna end up heartbroken here .. things too good are often just that

Sounds absolutely ideal!!

Not good for someone in recovery. It’s an emotionally complicated time in his life and you don’t want to become his crutch or feel responsible for his recovery.

It’s kind of a step backwards, he can obviously meet your physical needs but not your emotional. At some point it’s going to go wrong if one of you meet someone else.

Thanks for all the replies.

To answer a few questions: no, I won't end up pregnant as he's had a vascetomy. That's a big fear of mine with someone new as it was always very easy for me to get pregnant and given my very clear ovulation signs, still is.

No I'm not seeing anyone else and neither is he.

But I've cooled things off as he's told me he's still in love with me. Obviously I was thinking this was a friend's with benefits situation but maybe not for him.

Obviously there are some feeling there for me, but these are not love. I can see he's becoming a person I can be around and he's a better father to our children than he's ever been, our co-parenting relationship is easier as he's actually a team player. But I have absolutely fallen out of love with him after the horrendous things he did whilst we were together and I absolutely will never get back together with him. And I am fully aware that he wouldn't have gotten clean had I not left him. I have been very clear to him about my situation and that I will never take him back.

Still sucks when I have needs and he can, and wants to, fulfil those needs.

If you're still shagging him, you're still tied to him. If he was awful as you say and you don't see a future with him, in the long run you might be better moving on.