WWYD? Should I tell a mum about her son’svile comments?
Went to a women’s football match today with DH and DS who is 11. When we got to our seats we had some spare seats either side of us and DS spotted someone he knew. He came over and asked if he could sit with us and we said he could.
I don’t know this child very well but I know he’s year 9 at school. His sister was in the same year as DS in primary so I know the mum. We had a few chats at the school gates and are Facebook friends.
Anyway this boy, let’s call him James, started taking about the women playing. He was saying they were rubbish, he’d rather be watching the men play, he would run faster, shoot better, clear that better etc. DS to be fair to him did say “I’ve seen you run. You wouldn’t match her pace” at one point but apart from that just ignored him. I asked him to either stop being so negative or go and sit somewhere else. He said he’d stop.
He then commented on their appearances saying how they were ugly, had no boobs, were probably all lesbians anyway and DH said “You’ve been warned, stop that or go away.” He said sorry and that he would definitely stop.
Then James said he would “cock slap” one if she shouted at him like that when a player shouted at another one.
At that point I saw red and told him the way he was talking was absolutely disgusting and he needed to go back to his seat. I told DS that what he said was completely unacceptable and that he isn’t to hang round with James. I went up and his dad was there so I told him what he’d said and the dad just brushed it off saying he was just showing off and told him to apologise to me. I said I didn’t want an apology but wanted to make him aware of the disgusting comments his son had made. He just said he’d talk to him and I walked away.
Now, James’s sister plays football for a local team. She’s been playing all through primary and she used to be in a mixed team that DS played against a couple of times. Unfortunately she had to leave that team because of the attitudes of some of the boys. This was when they were playing under 10’s football if I remember correctly so the boys were around 9/10. I spoke to the mum at the time and she was so upset for her daughter. She is a really good player and was being treated badly by the boys in her team and opposition teams too. Also parents and coaches made comments to their boys about not letting a girl beat them and other awful things like that.
I’m so shocked that knowing how his sister was treated he would still say these things and go a step further with even more vile things. But I know that James has a different dad and I’m wondering if mum will be told about today by his dad. If that was my DS I would want to know what he’d said. Would you message the mum to tell her?