Are you good at keeping promises to yourself?

[TheoreticallyAdult]

I let myself down so often. I make promises to myself and then break them sometimes the same day.

For example, I’ll say that I will only spend 30 minutes doom scrolling on Mumsnet a day and there I am 2 hours later still reading.

I keep all the promises I make to others, I don’t even think about it. It’s not hard. Keeping promises to myself is almost impossible.

If you’re good at keeping promises to yourself please share the alchemy! How do you do it?

"If I still like that bag tomorrow I'll buy it"
I can keep that sort of promise easy peasy.

I'm not good at it either, and I also keep promises I make to others.

I think it's accountability. Maybe if I told someone else about my promise to myself I might keep it.

You're probably an 'obliger' in this framework - you find it easier to keep commitments if you have 'outer accountability' i.e. you have promised someone else or made a public commitment, or have a buddy to keep you on track.

https://gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies/

@Kensingtonbuns It doesn’t work for me and I end up feeling worse because I think they’re judging me. They’re not but I can’t help feeling it

@Mandarinaduck outer accountability doesn’t work for me either. If it’s for me it’s impossible to stick to.

In some things, but not in all. I write novels for a living, so I have to come through on that, meet deadlines, produce actual books, bounce back anfter rejections and shit reviews etc. But I have a tendency to neglect my health, self-care etc.

Yes @Velveting thats exactly what I mean. Health, wellness, gym frequency, eating well. I just can’t do it for myself.

With the gym and exercise I use apps that need to tick off after each session. For some reason this really works for me and tbh I treat the exercise like a job in that I don’t really think about it I just do it.
Doom scrolling however is something I really need to get a grip on. Was thinking of trying the ‘brick’ I see advertised.
On the whole my self discipline is much better than it used to be. Start with one small rule for yourself, something really easy, it really helps your confidence grow.

I don't make plans that require me to carry out a great act of will. I try to just observe myself without loads of judgment. So, I'll be more like, I see I am scrolling a lot of the time and that's not making me feel very happy. What are the triggers for me to do that. What changes can I put in to divert myself into something that makes me feel better. I might do something like set a timer to alert me when 30 minutes have passed, or set up my browser to redirect the url to something else after a time limit.

In general I sort of run on autopilot, so I find it's easier to change the environment than myself. If I'm with friends who exercise, then I do it. If not, I don't! So I join groups for things like exercise because that's my nature. For things like giving to charity, I set it all up on my bank app once so I know that's just happening automatically. I used to get a meal box delivered, but I grew to resent the meal box as the real problem with cooking was that I work long 12-14 hour days and my frail heart wants to be cared for by someone else cooking for me. It was all mixed up in my head and couldn't really be solved with a meal box. So sometimes it's just noticing what doesn't work, again without judgment.

Each year I make three resolutions just for me and I nearly always keep all of them. They are usually quite big things like "buy a house" or "get a new job", but they are always concrete and limited objectives. Last year it was: start a new company, lose 20kg, build a patio. I think of them as quests, not obligations. I do play my life a bit like a game, I think. I don't game but my BFF does and it seems like there are similarities.