How to tell 2 friends I don't want to exchange birthday presents anymore

[BG2015]

I retired last year. I'm fine for money but buying gifts is just an expense I don't want anymore. Even my mum and I decided that we would stop buying birthday presents and just send cards.

These are 2 ex colleagues who I'm friends with and who I socialise with now.

I just don't know how to word it. My birthday is next (in February) so I need to do it fairly soon.

"Hi both, since retiring I've been looking at my budget and and I've decided from now on I'm only going to exchange birthday [and Christmas if applicable] gifts with close family. I wanted to let you both know before you started your shopping. Look forward to catching up soon!"

My friend sent me almost the exact same message last year and it was absolutely fine.

This is difficult. We have a friend who clings onto present giving - 3 of the 4 of us are over 70. DH’s obviously do no shopping or giving! It’s just a habit for her and it’s done to make her look generous and kind. It’s all about image! So the words suggested above are great.

I have done this with a couple of friends and just said let’s just meet up with no need for gifts. They were delighted!

I’ve recently done this with family and friends. I’ve even gone as far as saying a WhatsApp Happy Birthday is sufficient, all have been fine about it apart from one sister in law, and to be perfectly honest I wouldn’t pick her as a friend in every day life, so I don’t care, she’s a little shit stirrer 😝

Perfect

Thanks that's great.

My group of friends did this a few years ago. If we happen to be out on someone’s birthday, I might bring a card - but that’s it. It’s very freeing!

In my mum’s circle of friends one is more wealthy and gives more expensive presents. But the other friends usually give plants or something similar in price. My mum does the same back. So never more than eg £20 max.

Perfect, why would anybody not be fine with this?
gifts for adults with their own money is just an unnecessary massively hassle. The nicest thing you can do is meet up an enjoy one another’s company.

I had this problem. Two old colleagues who live near each other and see each other in work too. I live 30 miles away and am retired so we don't see each other often. They started the present giving a few years ago and I just went along with it. A while after I retired I said Let's just do cards from now on. They were both fine with it and not at all offended. One takes offence easily so I was wary!

it's easier since your birthday is next and it wouldn't be looking as if you're trying to opt out from getting a gift for someone. just say it the way it is, you really appreciate the effort and enjoy the tradition but you've been careful with your budget recently and you would like to stop with the gift exchange. suggest sending each other cards or birthday slideshows as an alternative, or could be a meet-up if that's what you usually do. I think they'll understand where you're coming from and not having a gift exchange is fairly common anyway, I think they might even be happy to stop doing so themselves (not saying they don't enjoy it now though!)