Curfew for 16 year old

[Florabella]

I’d love some opinions on this as I am really unsure of what is reasonable. My son is 16. There have been a few occasions where he and his friends have been hanging out late at night outside open areas on the outskirts of our town. A couple have been parties in this field with others in 6th form college. About a 30 minute walk though town (a relatively safe town). I know they have been drinking (he has had a few beers courtesy of his Dad). In my situation, what time do you think is reasonable for me to say he should be home by? My ex and I have very different views

I should say he is generally a really good, responsible kid. However we did agree a time last weekend, but he was 45 mins after that (judgement clouded by the beers)

What we did:

school nights 10pm
weekends generally 11pm

parties by negotiation (usually sleepover or about 2am)

10pm on school nights (but not every night; if it isn't naturally self limiting you might need to say max two school nights) and midnight Friday and Saturday.

Oh and I agree with Octavia that there can be negotiation for later one off parties when you know where they are, at a fixed location you pick them up from. Not every week!

At 16 I was going to pubs and clubs at weekends. I never had a curfew as such probably 2am after the clubs shut my parents would expect me to come home. My mum preferred that I come home with my friends at 2am than leave by myself earlier.

Parents happily letting their 16 year old go clubbing (to regular 18+ clubs not under 18s nights) on a regular basis is somewhat questionable IMO.

Curfew is silly. Home time should be by negotiation by 16.

I didn’t really have one. My son worked during college and didn’t really go out weeknights. Weekends I just asked he give me an approximate time and to call me if late. Often he’d crash at a mates house. My DD didn’t go out much in the evening so not an issue.

I was the same as you, but I was working full time at 16 so I think a curfew would have been very unreasonable. I was always happy to let my parents know where I was going and rang them if plans changed. When my daughter was that age, I usually expected hwr to be home at 10.30 during the week or midnight at weekends, with parties by negotiation. I tried to remember how I felt at that age, and to be as flexible as I felt was reasonable, but the only non negotiable thing was that I always picked her up at whatever time we had agreed rather than making her own way home late at night.

We always negotiated by event rather than had a fixed time. It would be much later if at an actual location than just kicking around the park/streets, and going out late on school nights would probably be an exception.

Middle child was the most likely to be late but got into a habit of messaging or ringing that he was on his way home at the time he was expected back so we probably adjusted times to take account. We tell him events are half an hour earlier than reality now he's a grown up as time keeping isn't his strongest suit.

DD is a responsible 16 year old and after GCSEs asked not to have a curfew any more (before then it was by negotiation but generally 9.30pm Sun-Thurs). I agreed after talking through what that would look like but generally she has chosen to be home by 9pm school nights, and lets me know where she is and approximately when she'll be home on the weekend. It's working well and I haven't regretted letting her have a bit more freedom/responsibility.

During the week was easy as homework and after school sports took up all the evening. At weekends there wasn’t an official curfew but hanging around the streets wasn’t allowed.

@wechsel Well I'm still here to tell the tale but it wasn't unusual in them days and pubs and clubs weren't as strict with their entry policies. I think my parents preferred that they knew where I was going and who with rather than me lie and not have a clue where I was.

And yet it’s why the 90s were awesome 😁

Dd is 16. She has to be home by 9pm . Which is simlar to her friend's. The area is quite rough though

It was the same for me but I was working full time so no way would I have tolerated a curfew.

Tell me you weren’t clubbing in the 90s without….

I do 10pm on a school night and midnight at weekends. DD went to a party in the park last night and called at 11.30pm to ask me to come and get her as she’d had enough by then.

Pretty sure most of us didn't tell our parents anything atvthe beginning of the '90s... No mobile phone, staying at Becky's...

My parents would never have let me go clubbing at 16, even if they did expect me to babysit my siblings from the age of 11 and leave me in the house by myself from the age of 6 if I was too ill for school (which was only if I had a very visible rash or temperature - otherwise give over and get a move on...)... Although that was the '80s I guess...

I would never have told my parents if I was clubbing at 16. I would have told them I was staying at my friend's house, like any self respecting late 80s teenager.

The trend for telling your parents everything and then having a screaming argument hadn't started, we didn't want to worry them...

Also, if you did go to a nightclub at 16, you certainly wouldn't want your 16 year old daughter to, owing to remembering... I doubt most 16 year old boys would get in...

Thanks for the responses. Curfew might be the wrong word. We did discuss it and I said to be honest by midnight. I thought that was quite reasonable and I agree if he was at a party at someone’s home and had a plan of how to get home then it might be later. It seems that all his friends don’t have a time to be home though.

I tried to speak to his dad and see what he thought was reasonable, but he was happy to have our son out hanging round town/parks until 2/2.30am so we really aren’t on the same page at all

Only the power hungry super bossy “black and white” type parents I know have fixed curfews. We never did just played it by ear.

Remember my friends parents in the 90s being obsessed with curfews and ranting and raving if we were 10
minutes late 🙄 . My parents weren’t like that and I remember vowing never to be like that myself.

I would say 10pm a weeknight, weekends by negotiation.

My 16 year old usually has to be home by 11.30pm as that's when I go to bed - but it depends, if he has college the next day he's back by 10. If he's at a party or getting a lift back later, he lets us know.