Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by the constant need to be organised?

[justsickofitthismorning]

I am completely overwhelmed with the relentless need to have stuff together. Book bags, bags for preschool, packed lunches, ballet shoes, swimming costumes. No matter how organised I try to be something is forgotten and it’s my fault and I end up charging around with whingeing kids and helpful suggestions from husband and end up blowing my top. I feel like I’m becoming this horrible shitty person to be honest and I dislike myself. Dd is now at ballet without ballet shoes. Feel absolutely hopeless.

You need to delegate some of this to your husband. Maybe getting things ready the night before could be his job? We all need to play to our strengths, it's OK if this isn't one of yours.

How old are your dc?

I can’t - he is very unwell so it falls on me. He is trying to be helpful but just keeps endlessly asking if stuff is in the car which is so unhelpful.

I'm sorry he is so unwell, it's not surprising that you are feeling overwhelmed if you are having to deal with that too. Would he up to writing a checklist or something? That might take the thinking part out of it a bit?

It’s so silly because I know what I need but so often can’t find it. I think it’s the relentlessness of it getting to me a bit. Last night - pick children up, make dinner, showers stories bed then up at 6, breakfast, arguing, crying, whingeing, trying to find ballet stuff in the midst of that arrrgghh! Sorry feels better just getting that rant out!

The only way I cope is to lay put everything for the next day the night before. Uniform, kit for clubs, homework log, packed lunch as far as possible. I do the same for me, lay oit my work clothes, laptop etc. Could you maybe try that?

Something still always evades me! I guess the problem I have is the work is still the same, it reduces that last minute panic but you still have to do it if that makes sense? I do think I’ve properly lost the ballet shoes though.

But you are right @Twoweeksinaugust its the only way. It just feels neverending the list of stuff to do every day doesn’t it!

@justsickofitthismorning it is absolutely overwhelming you are right. I went to work in my slippers a few months back, the kids obviously had everything they needed as I'd prioritised them, but I had bloody slippers on. It is relentless.

I never thought I’d be crying over ballet shoes! Of course it isn’t the bloody shoes it’s just - everything isn’t it!?

I'm going to very gently ask if your husband is ill for the short term or the foreseeable future. I do wonder if that's the tricky bit which is overwhelming you underneath it all.

As a short term solution make a list for each activity or routine. Then have a bag or box for each "thing" such a ballet or swimming for each child. As soon as they get home, stuff which doesn't need to be washed goes straight back into the bag or box. Anything washed goes in as soon as it's clean & dry. Same with book bags. The children need to help you.

On Sundays write down a list of what goes into lunch boxes each day. Rather than storing things as separate food items, decant multipacks into daily bags or tupperware, so you can pick up Monday's bag and put them into their lunchboxes etc.

How old are your children? Make it part of their routine as well.

I hear you. I'm through that stage, but I am naturally quite disorganised and it nearly killed me at times.

What I did to help was to read any emails from school in the evening, action anything that I could immediately so I didn't forget, e.g. sign up for events, reply to say I'd attend the carol service, fill out the flu vaccine form. Then I set reminders in my phone for any special day when the DC needed to be in own clothes or wear a costume or take in £2 or whatever.

I also typed out a list at the start of the school year of what they needed on each day and stuck it on the back of the front door, so Monday: DC1 book bag and PE kit, DC2 book bag and recorder, Tues DC1 violin DC PE kit, etc. That way I could do a quick check before we left and grab anything I'd missed.

I still forgot things!

I take out the middle steps. So clean pe kit goes straight into the PE bag. Get all bags ready on Sunday.

I do as much as I can the night before, consistently every single day. I also have a ‘home’ for as much stuff as possible. Swimming costume, gymnastics leotard, football boots, all have a home and I’m militant about unpacking everything to it.

To specify: multiple bags or child, one each for PE, DS has one for judo, DD has one for handball.

I think you definitely can put strategies in place to cut down on the number of times things are forgotten/go missing etc - but you also have to accept that sometimes it will just happen. DC1 missed half a swimming lesson recently because I had brought the swimming bag but somehow forgotten to pack the swimming costume inside it... Last week there was a forgotten book bag. It happens. Do your best and don't beat yourself up. I agree with PP about diarising all school things as soon as they come in and having a checklist of items needed on each weekday (mine is pinned on my phone). It helps, but it still doesn't stop me discovering that somebody only has one gym shoe when we need to leave the house because DC2 has hidden the other one inside a toy lorry or something and it can't be found! You can't really totally stop that from happening.

Yes.

I have to have a bag for each activity and the things for that activity live in it. When they are washed they are returned to that bag. It’s not a flawless system but it generally means less chaos!

I give you loads of sympathy OP. The expectations are too high now. I have one child, a husband who did more than half of the mental/organisational load and a highly demanding job. There is no way, I could do what is being asked of you.

Take it easy on yourself. Today’s world is too much. The cognitive load is too much. And we wonder why the lifestyle diseases that go with high stress are killing us in old age.

I hear you. I've felt the same so many times. The only thing that really helps me is some level of acceptance that things will be forgotten sometimes and that's ok really. I used to be very hard on myself but I really reached a point when I couldn't cope and I had to say no to some things.

There was a day when DD's school called and said she had left her swimming kit in the car and I said "oh well, I guess she's missing swimming today". They didn't approve.....so effing what?! She lived to tell the tale.

We have to put some things down and know it doesn't mean we've failed, our children aren't missing out (they are learning important things when stuff goes wrong).

There's useful tips about organisation of course but that's really annoying when you're totally overwhelmed. I even found it annoying to be told to do less. But, doing the same amount just less good was better for my sanity.

I’m another “pack all bags as soon as the stuff is clean”. Currently sat in the kitchen looking at the “school stuff chair” where PE bag, swim bag and book bag are all sitting, ready for Monday. As soon kit was washed and dried it went straight back in the bags. Coat and blazer are on the back of the chair, shoes are under it.

Apologies that has made me giggle going in your slippers 😆

Don’t beat yourself up your kids arnt going to remember the things you forgot , sounds like your dealing with loads , I’m a naturally organised person and still seem to forget things it’s then that little thing that reduces you to tears 😭

When you have too much on you plate, you forget things.
i am surprised that with an unwell husband and everything on you - maybe you also work - you only forgot a pair of ballet shoes.
It is hard to do but the only way is simplifying your life. Less activities for the kids, less stuff, less busy calendar.

I think kids now just do more and schools expect more, I regularly forgot my pe kit and did it in my pants - that's not a thing anymore! It's really hard.
I'd suggest keeping everything ready to go, your dd never needs her ballet shoes in the house surely? Just have a bag for them and keep it in the boot or on hooks by the front door if you don't want then in the car. I also (rather expensive but if budget isn't an issue) buy 2 of lots of things, so one set stays in the car and one set is in for washing, then they swap out- saves you knowing and remembering the day, there's always 1 clean swim kit and 1 clean pe kit in the car at all times, and another set in school or the wash or being misplaced or left somewhere.... Basically, if you drive everywhere, your car is the best storage option.
I also have a child reward system - come in and there's no snack until shoes are away, water bottle is in the sink and lunchbox/snack pots are emptied and in the sink (saves the horrid - shit that is a mouldy lunchbox in the bag from yesterday)