Could she be annoyed with me about this?

[Lemieux7]

Asking for advice because I’m autistic and I don’t always pick up on things that upset people.

My daughter has been at a small dance school for 2 years. Until recently she was doing one of her classes very early on a school night. It was a struggle to get her there on time but I could do it and there are only two of them in the other class.

My daughter was being severely bullied at her school so we had to move her to another school and because this new one is 30 minutes away from the dance school, I had to tell the dance teacher that sadly my dd could no longer make that lesson. She replied that she wouldn’t be able to change the timetable until January and I said that was fine by me.

But then I found out that she had decided to move my dd and the girl who is with her into a more difficult class which starts half an hour later. She said we would make the best of that until January.

The issue is that the mum of the other girl used to be very friendly but now avoids me. I did apologise to everyone about the situation and was fully prepared that maybe dd wouldn’t be able to do this class until Jan. but since we paid for the classes for a term, maybe the teacher felt bad about this? Wouldn’t have been an issue for me…

I am wondering if she’s annoyed that her DD’s class has changed even though I had no influence on how the dance teacher handled things.

I am wondering if she thinks we get preferential treatment because she asked for a change once and was told ‘no’. But I was happy to go along with whatever.

Do you only see the Mum of the other girl at class?

If you have her number, you could just send her a text saying you feel that you haven't been able to chat for a few weeks and say shall we have a chat at the next lesson?

Our kids do two classes per week. One of them is on one day and there are about 5 children in that class, including hers. I can get dd to this class because it starts late enough. The other one is on another day and only my dd and her dd do this class. This is the one I can’t get dd to.

You say you had no influence on how the dance teacher handled it but both the teachers schedule and the other girls schedule changed to accommodate your DD so you did have some influence on the situation. Maybe the mum is annoyed because she has to hang around for half hour killing time somewhere now instead of going straight to class. It could be her DD might not enjoy the new class because it’s harder.
Just speak to her next time you se her, ask her how her DD is getting on in the more difficult class. You could even be totally over thinking it and she’s got her own stuff going on occupying her mind

Dance teachers are very well known for not changing things for anyone’s agenda except their own. If the teacher has changed things it’s because it suits her and was probably waiting for a reason to do so. Stop over thinking it, continue to be friendly when you see the other mum and crack on with your life.

My daughter had to move schools. She’s autistic and was being bullied and I can’t just move her to any school. It has to be the right school and believe me, it’s been hard to find somewhere that she would be ok.

I was fully prepared that maybe my dd just wouldn’t be able to do the second lesson until after Christmas at least. I thought the dance teacher would continue to teach the other little girl in her original slot - I never dreamt it would mess up her lesson too.

So yeah, I can see why that might be annoying but the other lady does live in walking distance of the dance school.

I suppose if she is annoyed, there is nothing I can do. Our children seem to be ok with the other lesson. Maybe it seems like the dance teacher is willing to change things for us but not others. She’s very nice - she isn’t like some dance teachers can be so hopefully not. But I know she wanted to change a different lesson and was told no.

It suits the dance teacher as she is teaching for less time. Don't overthink it, the mum needs to take it up with the dance teacher if she has an issue.

I would just attempt to make chit chat with them mum and see how she is. You could be totally overthinking it

Thanks - I hope so. 😩

Surely the dance teacher decided this so why would the mum be annoyed? And showing it is just childish.

It’s still going on. The mum of the other girl encouraging everyone to go outside and walk around and around whilst I sit inside by myself. It feels very uncomfortable and I wonder if they’ll still be doing it when it gets cold? We might change to another dance
school because I can’t stand bad energy.

For heaven’s sake, OP, your daughter has already had to move schools because of bullying, and move into a different dance class because of the school move. I’m sure you can tolerate this ‘bad energy’ for the sake of not inflicting even more change on her unnecessarily? You’ve done nothing wrong. The teacher altered the classes, presumably because once your DD wasn’t able to attend the original slot, it wasn’t worth the teacher’s while to teach a class with only one child?

Don’t move your daughter because of this that would be unfair to her. Take a book with you read and ignore the others. Alternatively drop her a leave until the class is over. These people aren’t your friends just other mums if they want to be petty let them.

You’re both right - I need to give my head a wobble!