How do you get it all done?

[Crackersknackered]

I’ve got two DC (4&8) and work part-time, DH works away 40%. When he’s here he’s brilliant but much of the time I’m on my own. I’m just drowning! By the time I’ve got the washing and ironing done, I’ve not even put it away before it’s time for the next load. Plus juggling DC activities, appointments, etc. People talk about babies being difficult but I feel this is a totally different order of magnitude! We don’t have money for a cleaner or other help, and no local family who can help with DC. Am I doing something wrong or is this just how it goes for most people?

It's just how it is I'm afraid. I notice you iron. I've got no time for ironing so I'd get that off the list immediately 😂x

My set up is similar; I treat laundry as a daily job like washing up so I’m always relatively on top of it. I only iron school shirts though. I also have a very organised house and I tidy up at the end of each day and kids are in charge of their rooms which has variable effectiveness.
My home isn’t pristine and it only takes someone being ill or a weekend away to throw it off but keeping on top of it daily seems to work the best for me.

My sister has three (8, 11, 13) and works PT, mostly from home. Her hubby is also away a lot as the MD of a big food company. She's run off her feet.

It's part of the reason I don't have any and don't plan to (only 31yo atm).

You lost me at "ironing".
I only iron for weddings or job interviews.

Well stop ironing, first of all!!! I don’t know any working mums who iron anything unless it’s as a one off for a job interview or a very important work meeting. I certainly don’t.

My guess is that you are trying to do too much unnecessary stuff in the house and keep it the way you would have done pre kids. That’s just not possible, or if it is it comes at the cost of spending time with the kids or having time for yourself to exercise, see friends, relax, etc. Eg it doesn’t matter if the clean laundry stays in the basket and you just fish the stuff out when you need it. Don’t worry about putting the kids toys away every night. I do life admin on my phone while waiting by the pool during my DC’s swimming lessons, or on the train while commuting to work. I try to cook double of most meals so have left overs to heat up a few nights a week. All grocery shopping is done online with a standing weekly order that I just tweak each week, plus maybe a smaller mid week top up if we are running low on things.

But yes, it is hard. Since my DC was born, I basically aimed for 7 out of 10 on kids, marriage, work and house - which was a tough shift mentally having always been someone who was a super organised high achiever. Now my DC are older (late primary / early high school) and are able to do heaps more for themselves, I’d say I’m back up to 8 out of 10. But the housework must always be the lowest priority on the list - if there is an important work project, if the kids are ill, etc, the housework is the one to skimp on or ignore for a while.

You manage to get the washing AND ironing done, you are winning!

Yep, you lost me at ironing. I hang any tops/jumpers that can’t be tumbled as soon as they come out the wash. Everything else either gets tumbled and then hung up/folded whilst still warm from the dryer. I have a clothes steamer than I’ll use if absolutely necessary (probs once a year).

I’m way past those years but I had them,

I worked FT and had 2 children, DH worked away for about 3 to 4 months of the year the decade they were small, he missed DS first birthday.

I didn’t buy much, far less clutter, made the children help from year dot, never ironed a thing, we all had a bath or shower before bed so those sheets were on way longer than MN standard, zero pets, shopping delivered, saying No to any kind of outing or visit I didn’t want, always doing one thing before work, lots of one pot meals all and chucked in so they don’t need watching by slow cooker or tray bake stuff, spot cleaned a lot of school uniforms. When they were older I got a cleaner and that was great.

I wash throughout the week and put away anything that doesn’t need ironing. Then I iron everything for the upcoming week on Sunday night (school uniform etc) and hang it all in the wardrobes. It’s a pain, but I’d rather get it all done in one go that little batches. Bedding is only washed once a week and same with towels.

Reduce or eliminate their activities and stop ironing. Tell your DH he needs to switch to a more family friendly job. DH did it when we had DS.

I have 3 DC aged 6 to 11. I don't iron ever.

I have lowered my standards in certain areas to my pre DC days ( I'm not listing them as I don't need criticism from the internet 😀) but I'm ok with those compromises. Everyone is fed, safe and (mostly ) happy here.

I do laundry on my WFH day each week and a Saturday. My ceiling laundry rack is a godsend in winter as I don't have a drier. I clean a little each day focussing on kitchen and living areas to stay on top of stuff.

We limit schedule hobbies/ activities to one weekend day so I have one day of planned family stuff, homework or chilling. Most weeks this mostly works. Some weeks the wheels come off and we try to improve the week after.

I have 6dc and done this for years.
Personally, ironing is as necessary as washing.
Little and often and daily, weekly and monthly routines keep my house clean and tidy.

Ironing? Never - I don't anything in the house chores which isn't 100% necessary.

Well, I don’t do ironing for a start. 😆 I literally don’t own an iron! We have a big utility room and clothes that are worn regularly come right off the line or out of the dryer and are folded or hung there to be worn. I don’t put stuff away. It gets worn again in the next couple days. There’s no point.

Any big cleaning jobs happen on the weekends when Dh and I are both around. I hoover and mop the floors once a week while kids are at school. I work roughly school hours, though I also have cancer so have lots of hospital appointments (hospital is 2 hour round trip, I’ve been there 3 days this week 😩).

After school dc watch tv or play outside. Older one has sports training 3-4 days a week in afternoon/evening for 3-4 hours at a time. Young one only has one 1 hour activity each week. So afternoons I’m dropping them off or we are home. I cook dinner while they watch tv or are outside. Homework we do in the evenings after dinner. I collect eldest at 9pm then we’re all to bed.

I do cook nice meals from scratch and we have a proper family dinner every night (eldest eats when she gets home later), but otherwise, I don’t make more work for myself than necessary. No ironing, everyone has their basket of clean clothes in the utility room and we live out of that. The house is not a show home. It’s lived in and we get lots of time together.

Meal plan with weekly shopping same day each week and try and make some meals in the morning ready to heat up at night.
I do washing everyday and try and keep on top of putting it away.
Every now and again do a big decluttering session and big clean up and try and keep on top of it all with regular cleaning.
It’s hard but keeping on top of it is easier than letting it build up

i have 3 children, 4,6 and 15 work full time and my partner works away, the most he’s home is about 1 week in 6 weeks at the moment as he’s on a big project.

I set the washing machine on a night hang it all out before work, I meal plan so I know what I’m doing every day, batch iron all the uniform for the week on a Sunday night. Do an online shop whilst I’m sat at a club.

if you work part time, can you do a big clean on hour day off and then ‘keep on top’ when your children are in bed?

It’s a lot and I often feel I don’t have time for anything. I think I’ve just realised you ‘can’t have it all’

This is how it is and it gets much busier/harder as they get older, not easier.

Why are you wasting your time ironing things? I am 37 and have never used an iron in my life 😂

I had 17 months between kids, A DH that worked long hours and away a lot, a FT job and an hour and half each way commute. The answer is I didn’t really get it all done. I never ironed, I did food shopping during my lunch breaks at work (Tesco delivery was only just a thing and they didn’t deliver to where we lived as rural), we had slow cooker or beige dinners most week nights (prepped the night before where possible), I got used to living in a less regularly cleaned house. I would pack the girls child minder/later school bags and lunches for the day after whilst they were eating dinner, and lay their and my clothes out for the day after whilst they watched what I used to call bed time hour on CBeebies. I generally got into bed with the kids at about 7 o clock, did life admin on laptop whilst they watched In the Night Garden, read to them for half an hour, then either went to sleep myself or got back up and did a bit of laundry or whatever. Largely I was just knackered constantly and muddling through. I also had a very accommodating child minder for when I was later home/forgot something-we literally wouldn’t have survived without her as we had no family nearby.
I was up early on Saturdays for swimming and later football, so Sundays we had a lie in til 9 or so, and I would make myself a huge vat of vegetable soup to be taken for lunches during the week so at least I was getting something cheap and healthy.
I don’t remember it as a very fun time, and actually I couldn’t do it now, at 46-I just wouldn’t have the mental capacity to plan as I did then, or the energy to execute it all.

Huge sympathies. It is very tough.

I am meant to be part time, but, because I have had to take on additions responsibilities, I am now more than full-time!

My mindset had to change after I had my daughter. My mantra now is “Good enough is good enough”.

Like lots of other PP say, ironing can go. Clean and presentable is good enough. Ironing can be for only the occasions that require pristine. I find that if I hang clothes to try as soon as possible, the creases fall out. It’s also a task that can be saved up if you’re doing it only for special occasions. So maybe that’s something your husband can take on when he is around.

i make laundry work by having multiples of each item of clothing, so each type of wash can be weekly.

All members of household trained to contribute to keeping the household running. Children can put own clothes in laundry basket, and clean clothes into drawers. They can put toys away after use. They can help clear the dinner table. Your husband will be tired when he gets home from work. Sorry, you are tired too, so everyone chips in until things are done, then everyone gets a chance to rest.

Anyone who does an activity needs to be organised for that activity. The 8 year old should be able to start getting their kit organised for activities.

The other thing I try to do both at work and for home admin is a ‘one touch’ system. I try to deal with anything there and then and then it’s no longer on my plate. For future dates, they go into the diary as soon as I get them. Unless I need to prep something for it, I can then forget about them until closer to the time. Effectively this means that I am simultaneously very organised, but also I only know with certainty what I am doing on any individual day a couple of days in advance.

My daughter has just started secondary school, and it is absolutely hectic juggling work, new school requirements and her million activities. Her having to be organised pays dividends, as I think I would collapse if I was the one having to organise sports kit, dance kit, homework, instrument practice and getting books sorted for the next day!

The biggest message I want to give you is that, you are not alone and you are not failing. I agree, this is tough. It’s just different tough to toddler years.

Lone parent here with 1 DC, work FT, have two volunteer roles (1 wfh, 1 with the DC), caring for elderly parents so trying to manage and run 2 households, and survive...

I don't think there is an answer. I have learnt to lower expectations and ignore judgy comments from neighbours when asked if I want the number of someone to weed my drive (block paved with pretty flowers growing in the cracks, about 5cm high not tree like), i live by to do lists, and have a mental priority list so I can drop hoovering the bedroom floor this week, if it means child gets to his activity and I can take Mum to.do her food shop. It is a nicer way of talking to myself so rather than beating myself up and saying ugh you pig, you haven't hoovered the bedroom, I justify it and feel more in control by saying okay the carpet didnt get hoovered today BUT child did activity and progressed and Mum has enough food in for the week.

Decluttering has made a big change, but still working on this and i have a constant diy list on the go. Will follow this thread for ideas and answers :)

Yes exactly. I won’t have any of us leave the house in creased clothes. It looks so untidy.

Glad its not just me!

But it’s not creased if hung correctly (I’m particular about hanging) or tumble dried then straight out and hung up whilst still warm (not left in there to crumple).

We never leave the house looking unkempt/scruffy, especially my children they are my pride and joy.

Cut out ironing for a start. How many activities are your kids in do they need as many as they do, do they actually want to do them all. I live by the moto my house is a family home not a show home. Obviously you don't want to live in filth but it doesn't need to be pristine at all times. Sometimes its ok to stick some frozen chips and nuggets in the air fryer not every meal has to be fresh healthy and cooked from scratch its about balance. Life's hard don't make it harder then it needs to be.