Teenagers: addressing difficult topics

[sincerestwonders]

What do you do when your teenage daughter comes downstairs one evening and says she is scared of pregnancy and giving birth? Not that she is pregnant, but she seems to be frightened that one day she will find herself pregnant and not know and have a baby she doesnt want. She knows lots of women in their early or mid 20s who have babies from her part time work and says she needs to have a baby by a certain age she says 23 or so but then again its like a phobia cos she keeps mentioning it.
Shs has never had a relationship, and has no reason to have a child, but I dont quite know what to say to her about the concept of pregnancy. She seems to be most frightened of the act of giving birth and pain. This causes her to become anxious and "check" her body constantly. Its happened a lot since she turned 16. I dont quite know what to say or do.

I would have a calm conversation with her about the fact that there are lots of contraception choices available to ensure she doesn't have an unwanted or unknown pregnancy and that women today have a lot of control over their fertility.

I'd also point out that every woman's experience of childbirth is different and that pain relief is available. Plenty of women have more than one child, which suggests that it isn't so horrendous no one would ever do it again.

I'd dismiss the idea of 'having' to have a baby by 23 with, 'don't be daft'.

It isn't common for girls to have babies this young nowadays. She doesn't need to have children ever if she doesn't want to or is terrified of the idea. It's certainly not something she needs to be winding herself up about at this point in life.

Agree with her. Until you have a baby and give birth it's completely unknown how you'll handle it and that is scary. Your body changes in very dramatic ways, pregnancy can be bloody rough, painful and embarrassing. There is a risk of injury, disability and death.

Tell her that she can go on long term contraception whenever she wants to

Tell her that it's possible she may want to have a baby in the future, and if that's the case, suddenly all the pain, fear and embarrassment stops mattering so much. Tell her it's also fine not to have children.

What makes her think she has to have a baby by 23. Does she know she doesn't ever have to have a child if she doesn't want to. What is she scared about pregnancy has she said why. If she did want a baby in the future she doesn't have to give birth she could request a c section does she know this.

Most people are afraid of birth and pregnancy. It’s not mandatory. Also C sections exist. And she can have a baby well after 23…

Why have you posted so many threads about your daughter in the past few days - asking for careers advice, discussing her anxiety and issues with body confidence, a mad rant about the DofE and abuse in primary schools etc? She is anxious and unwell and if any of these posts are true, she sounds in need of dental, medical and mental health support. If you are a genuine person please read all your posts, including the one about your son and seek help.

Your daughter has mental health issues and needs professional support.

I used to be be like this till early 20s the thought of carrying a child, I just didnt think it’s something I could cope with but it all changed had my kids at 34 and 42

This causes her to become anxious and "check" her body constantly

This is OCD.

Is that your professional opinion? Which regulatory body are you registered with?

Why would I be a professional, did I ever state I was? I didn't realise you had to be a professional to reply to a post on Mumsnet?