AIBU to ban my rude and aggressive mother-in-law from our home?

[Draculaschild]

Hi everyone,

So I think that my relationship has finally broken down for good. For 5 years I have bitten my tongue, walked away and tried to be the bigger person.

She’s arduous, rude, aggressive and insulting. She’s also hot a very potty mouth. I’m quite sweary too but not in an aggressive way and NEVER in the presence of kids or anyone that would be offended.

For years she’s picked fights with me, made nasty comments and generally been horrendous. I firmly believe that she has a personality disorder although there’s nothing diagnosed. DH despairs of her but feels responsible as she’s on her own.

her latest issue with me is my weight. I’m still a bit heavier since having my son. For context I’m tall at 5’11” and bang on 12 stone, so hardly huge- just a bit solid lol. She referred to me as “ the fucking Russian shot-putter”. It actually made me laugh but that’s the sort of thing she’ll say. She also called me a silly cunt in one outburst.

the final straw came yesterday. She turned up unannounced and was annoyed that our son wasn’t there- he was out with my parents my dad is 80 and she made a comment about him saying “ I’m surprised the fucker is still breathing”. I asked her not to say that. DH told her off too. I asked her to leave and she, true to form brought up the 5k she gave us a few years ago towards our house deposit. Said that I’m a “ lazy bitch” and that her son has wasted himself on me.

I totally saw read Bd flipped. I told her to fuck, called her a nasty old cunty bitch. I also said that I’d find the £5k and that she could shove it up her miserable arse. Like I said, I never swear aggressively but this triggered something.

We haven’t heard from her since. I’m never going to have her in my house again. AIBU?

She sounds dreadful. I’m surprised you didn’t snap sooner!

I wouldn't give her the £5K, for one thing!

I don’t like how it hangs over us. I’ll happily take a bank loan to pay her back

Good on you! I bet that felt good to say to her in the moment!

No you're not being unreasonable at all, she sounds horrendous and I wouldn't waste another minute of your life on her honestly

Banned my brother for similar. I also saw red.

Not one regret.

Well done! She sounds awful.

Non-contact for sure! She sounds absolutely awful - not only totally toxic but also hideously vulgar and generally rough as well.

Give her the £5k back and then nothing is hanging over your head.

Your DH gets to decide but I do feel sorry for him. Fancy having such a mother?! Urrrrgh!!

If you can possibly do so, give her back the money, with interest...it completely kiboshes her weapon!

She’s horrific. Go no contact. Dont get a loan to repay her. You’ve more than earnt that by putting up with her nastiness. And if you’re NC with her you won’t have to hear about the 5K anyway.

You should have done it long ago.
Anyway at 12 st and 5ft 11" you're quite slender. I'm 5ft 5" and 13 stone - actually not fat (size 12/14) She's a horrible bitch.

I'd have slapped her so you did better than I would have!

Wow! Not unreasonable at all. As others have said I’m surprised you’ve not snapped sooner. What is your husbands view on it all?

Nasty old cunty bitch😂🤭 stealing that if I ever need it in the future! No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable, in fact, you need a medal the size of a dust bin lid! Horrible old bitch. Never look back. Keep the 5k as compensation for putting up with her miserable old arse for so long.

Did she give it as a loan than you were supposed to back? If so and it’s been a few years, you should pay her back asap

She doesn’t sound very nice at all. I’d struggle to be around her.

She sounds vile!
You deserve a medal for putting up with that behaviour for all this time!!!
What did your husband say and do when this happens? What does he usually say and do?
I’d ban her from the house and I’d ban her from the grandkids too until she can be more respectful.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
At 5’ 11” your weight is absolutely normal. She sounds like a horrible person! You do not deserve any of that!

I also wouldn’t get into debt to pay her £5k. Save up - when you have it give it her back. Or if you’re all NC by then (🤞) then you can spend it on a holiday.

Personality disorder or not you are still responsible for your own behaviour. But I bet she’s the sort who never apologises for anything?

Curious - does she lack friends? or is she a loud-mouthed gob-sh*te with friends who seem to blow the wind up her arse?

Your dh should have banned her and not left it to you. I banned my mother from my house when she was rude once too many times to dh and never allowed her back in.

Exactly this.
Well done you for being a supportive partner and doing the right thing. So many people don’t.

12s for 5'11" is not over weight.
But, that's not the point, is it?

No, you are not BU to ban your cunty MiL from your home. And if she gave you £5k as a gift then don't entertain repayment.

Tell her if she ever wants to set foot in your home again then she needs to smarten the fuck up and mind her manners as she'll only get one chance. Make sure your DH is there and says it, too. And both of you need to mean it.

Or, consider the cord cut now and move on.

Really disrespectful of your husband to expect you to tolerate that kind of nastiness for so long. I know it’s hard to stand up to your parents, but that doesn’t mean he gets to outsource the unpleasantness to you.

Tell her the £5k is compensation for having to deal with her cunty self. Don’t give it back, that will really piss her of.

She sounds awful. I would refuse to have anything to do with her, but I would probably stop short of banning her from the house as that might make things very difficult for your husband. But no, I would not see someone again who used the c-word on me.

I find myself wondering what on earth type of person this can be (sort of sub-underclass?) and where in the country she is from?!

To be honest they sound as bad as each other! If I was her DH I’d dump both of them!

Come on OP sounds just as vile! DH should go none contact with both!

Don’t be stupid

Blimey! She sounds awful! How have you been putting up with that for so long?
Well done for standing up to her and kicking her out - and I agree that you should pay her back the effing £5k somehow so she can't keep harping on about it. You don't need someone like that in your life.