Would you choose private school over the local comprehensive in our situation

[canichange]

We have two sons aged 9 and 7 and we are starting to think about secondary school. The eldest is going into year 5, so we will start looking at options in the autumn.

We live rurally, although only about a five-ten minute drive from our nearest town. Decent transport links to other towns. Kids are currently at the local village school which is about 5 minutes drive. Village school is good. Local comp is average to poor - not dreadful, but with its fair share of the usual issues.

The local town is small and has very little going for it. No decent shops, not much to do for children of any age. There is a leisure centre and a library, but that’s about it. It’s a typical poor town, pretty run down and low level drugs, anti-social behaviour etc. Moving far from this town would not be possible due to my husband running a business here.

We can afford private. There are two options. One is in our nearest city approx 40 minutes away. Would involve bus or train journey. The other is in a more rural town approx 30 minutes away and would involve a mini buss journey. Some local kids go to these schools, but not many.

Kids enjoy school and want to learn. They have decent potential with the right support. They both do a few local clubs.

I want to send them private because I think the education and extra curricular offerings will be great. However, I’m worried about them feeling isolated and lonely. They get on very well with eachother so are never really without company, but I appreciate that may change as they get older. I don’t work and there is no urgent need for me to work, so I can be a taxi. I grew up in very similar circumstances (lived rurally, went to school half an hour away), so I hope I appreciate the difficulties and I’m therefore happy to ferry them around to clubs, friends etc.

What would you do in these circumstances? I want them to have the best education possible and it seems daft not to send them to private school when we can afford it and the local state option is not brilliant, but I also worry they are already a bit isolated living where we live and that I could be making life even harder by sending them to school further afield.

What would you do?

It’s difficult. I would probably think about the comprehensive because of the risks with private now and the 6th firm issue as well as local friends who aren’t hours away. But if the comprehensive turned out to be dire and a good tutor wouldn’t fix the issues I’d transfer to private school.

Business is very secure and we have other assets we could lean on in the event of a disaster.

I wouldn’t even be questioning sending my children private if it was affordable.

It's worth looking at what the school is like though. We have 5 local private schools. One is a very traditional one and is likely to merge in the next few years. The others have very high international cohorts. I know teachers who work in them who say they wouldn't send their children because the classes are largely Chinese or SEN. Not that either are a 'problem' but they are more isolating if most of your classmates are speaking mandarin at speed.

I sent my dc to the local average to poor secondary in our town because I’d been to private and disliked it. I hated the commute and I hated the effort it took to see my friends. I had to get lifts everywhere. I had to walk to the train station, get the train into town and a bus out again in all weathers and again of course on the way home. it made the day very long.

It was the friends thing I hated though as I also was isolated from local church because I went to a different school. I found it embarrassing I think. That my parents had deemed their school not good enough for me. So I sent my dc to the local school, it was actually in special measures and they were perfectly happy there and both did well and went to university and maintained their friendships from school. I think my parents should have tried to make sure that I had opportunities for local friends but they probably thought they were doing enough sending me to a good school.

You will probably find that pupils from the school without a 6th form transfer to a mix of state and the other independent.

If both are easily accessible, it shouldn't be a worry.

Absolutely send them to private school, we did and lived in a remote village too about 25 minute drive from the school. As private schools don’t have catchment areas near enough every child lived in a different village/area so it did involve a lot of drop offs etc for play dates and parties but everyone was in the same boat, plus there was always sport on a Saturday so very little time for being bored. If you’re in a position to do it svd the local school isn’t up to par I wouldn’t even give it a second thought.

I'm not really a fan of private schools and generally have always believed kids should go to their local school.

However, I have a daughter about to start y7 and once I realised the disparity in quality between different schools I adjusted my mindset. Our local comprehensive is awful, behaviour is shocking, largely staffed by supply because it can't keep teaching staff. The school in the next village is outstanding and due to a low birth rate year she miraculously got in out of catchment. If your local option is like ours I wouldn't even question going private if it's the only other way into a decent education.

40 minutes is pretty standard. I would choose the private school, but do the necessary checks beforehand. Most children live a distance away, and they still see each other at the weekends and sleepovers etc. It will become your life being in the car and driving, so download some interesting podcasts etc and it is only term time. It will be fine.

DH went to one of the most prestigious private schools in the country, I went to a worse than bog standard comp. We met working as junior staff at work.

We sent our DS to the bog standard comp. similar sort of situation, we live where we do because DH and I got jobs in the opposite direction to each other.

DH hated commuting to school, it was almost an hour and he had no local friends. I used to walk to school with friends and it was great, some of my happiest memories.

Our DS did really well at his slightly worse than bog standard school and finished a degree apprenticeship last year so walked straight in to a decent paying career on close to 40k, with zero student debt and a first class degree. We knew our child and his capabilities.

I would concentrate on social skills, the one thing I noticed about my students was how personable and communicative they were made a huge difference to their lives. They would turn up with their leavers hoodies on so it was obvious if they had been to private school.

We could have afforded private school but didn’t send him or his sister, DD sadly died so we never saw her reach her full potential.

Hope they are personable that’s a natural skill that can be encouraged wherever they go.

Similar situation. Chose private & more glad of that everyday. Have many Friends & colleagues with kids at local good schools across several different towns. Many of their kids are hanging out in town centres & getting involved ( peripherally) in anti social behaviours & drinking from young ages. Private schools aren’t without their issues, but the ones that we have selected seem to have less of this going on. Perhaps because distances involved mean than gatherings just for the sake of it don’t happen as much. My kids still have good friends locally & visit friends further afield in holidays. It’s not just about results. It would be a no brainer for me.

Go and look at the schools, we had our heart set on one and it didn’t work, a second one the bus was too late home and so we settled on school three.

Id discount the one that’s a bus and a train tbh but a mini bus is pretty doable, most private schools near us have bus routes.

How will they socialise? IMO the teen years are where kids should be gaining (age appropriate) freedom.

I'd rather move to a nicer town. Why can your DC commute but not your husband?

I don't understand why your children can travel to school but your husband can't travel to his work?

If you’re willing to drive to the schools 30-40 minutes away twice a day for school and clubs and socials etc why wouldn’t you move to the place and your DH commute to his work - once daily.

Then they could attend a local school with peers (or the privates if you’re set on that).

If the village itself is brilliant for families and you’re settled there could you turn the state school in town and switch to private if it doesn’t work?

If not - plenty of children attend private’s 30 minutes away from home. I know loads. They all seem happy and have active social lives.

There’s no right or wrong. It’s what’s right for your family.

30 minutes is not that far. Or even 40 minutes. For lots of people moving takes up funds they can spend on the school! It’s not necessarily true that a move is the easy option.

My DDs boarded and started out knowing no one. @canichange If you are at home you will need to ferry them around to see friends but they will make friends. I mostly did this in the holidays but as they got older, they did go and see friends at exeat weekends.

I would check financial stability and extra costs of the minibus. I’d check which school offers what your dc would enjoy and which ethos would suit them. What might they want in terms of sport, music, drama and what about academics? Are there obvious differences? Visiting the schools for the 9 year old would be my next priority. Our DDs had quite a strong feeling about the school they went to. They will need to feel they belong.

I think given your circumstances private makes sense but I would take the advice of others and ask a lot of questions about classes and financials. My friend had a son in a class of 13 which on paper sounded amazing, but there was only six boys and he didn’t really find his tribe so making friends was really hard. In lots of ways he would’ve been better in a class of 30.

Look into the private schools - how they seem, size, etc to make an informed decision but with that sort of state offering would definitely be looking to private school.
FWIW had to go to private schools for both my 2 due to the local state secondary school being dire for my eldest and my youngests needs not being met in the state primary. It will be a financial juggle but really have no other choice. Moving isn't an option with in our case

When looking at the Comprehensive, look at the historic data for how different types of children achieve, not just the raw results (the data for this isnt available for current GCSE cohorts due to Covid).

If you’re willing to drive to the schools 30-40 minutes away twice a day for school and clubs and socials etc why wouldn’t you move to the place and your DH commute to his work - once daily.

She said they would get the bus or train.

I had a similar experience at my private school. And what good has it done me? I don't really know anybody in the town where I grew up. My private school was small and I didn't find my tribe. Academically I would have done the same, or perhaps better in the state school as they nurtured the group of students whose results could "bring up" the school...
Times have changed but I don't think I'd be wasting my money...

I’d go for the larger private school if its finances look ok and it has a sixth form. The smaller one may stop running the minibus if money is tight. Also see if you can get a sense of year group sizes - if too small, the pool for friends can be limiting.

I’d go private but I’d look very carefully at the school, and see what you can find out about pupil numbers and finances. So many private schools are closing these days, due to cost of living and VAT. A friend of mine’s daughter is starting a new school next week, going into year 9, because her school closed down. It’s been really upsetting for them.

DH’s business relies on him being local to bring in the work. I don’t really want to get into it too much, but he picks up a lot of work by word of mouth and he has a really good reputation in this immediate area. Often when we’re out and about, we will bump into people and he will ‘talk shop’. It’s really good for the prosperity of the business.

We’re not moving, so it’s not worth discussing on this thread.

I totally understand what people are saying about not growing up with people in your area. I don’t want to them to feel like strangers on their own patch.

They both have good social skills. The younger one is a very typical boy, plays rugby locally and is likely to join sports clubs at school. I’m not too worried about him. The elder one has quite niche interests so can struggle to find his people, but he’s pleasant and outgoing. It’s him I’m more concerned about. However, he loves sea life and one of the schools we’re looking at is in Plymouth, so there may be opportunities for him there.

Also, it’s the elder one who probably needs more support academically. He’s capable but has less confidence in his abilities so just needs a bit more nurturing. He’s very passionate about learning but I fee he’s likely to get a bit lost at the comp. The younger one seems to sail through everything.

I hate to say it, as I don't like the private/state school divide, but I think private would be best for your boys. As others have said, a lot of private schools are in financial difficulty at present, so choose carefully. If the private school is officially academically selective, see if you can find out whether they are actually rejecting anyone on academic grounds. If they are officially academically selective, but in practice taking anyone whose parents can pay the fees, that could be a sign they're in financial difficulties.