My kids are being awful today

[inthesandnow]

Ages five and three

at an activity thing at a national trust place. Started off OK but things deteriorated when they tried to do one of the activities. Three year old kept screaming I CAN’T and trying to make me do it then getting angry and screaming when I didn’t do it correctly; five year old also getting frustrated and stomping and banging about and knocking things over and refusing to pick them up.

yes we’re going home

but just crying in the car first.

a swingpark near home to let the little ratbags er i mean darlings burn off energy. you can sit and chill after a stressful morning. the national trust will still be there next summer.

Mine are grown ups and I can still feel this in my bones!

I hope the rest of your day improves. It’s hard and you are doing a great job. Sorry if that’s patronising but I hope it helps a bit.

Crying is a bit dramatic.
You had a bad day. You xan remind them of it when they 23 and 25
Meet them where they are Now.

You don't like walking or blackberries, fine. I get it. Not for everyone. You could focus on that, or take my post in the sprit in which it was intended. If you're enjoying wringing your hands in pity and wonder what you did to deserve such horrid little children, crack on, up to you.

Small children are a challenge. Anyone's small children, not just yours. If you can, and it might not be possible, view the behaviour as communication, and raising them as a relationship rather than a project you can get right or wrong. But that might all be a bit abstract, but I'm just advocating a different perspective, not suggesting you go full organic millet for breakfast and start wearing hemp.

You've got a long road ahead of you if you choose to think that your kids are awful and wonder what you did to deserve the behaviour.

Is it ever helpful to judge whether someone should be crying, can we not just accept that someone is crying and show kindness?

take your own advice and meet the OP where she's at - she's upset.

OP hope you're feeling better soon and agree you should have a treat, grab McDonald's with a big coffee or milkshake & hopefully find a bit of time to yourself later if you can x

Sending hugs.
Mine are 10 and 6. I swear that if the younger even touches the elder, she screamed as if he had punched her.
If she suggests he does something, he will automatically do the opposite.
We've got the school shoes and clothes today.
It was shoe shop, playground, M&S, picnic, Mountain Warehouse, playground. They have run and played their wiggles out. I'm looking forward to their bed time!

Although, my 10 year old has just come up, said she is tired, and curled up on my lap.

Good luck for the journey home

@60degreecycle I did say that I had typed a sharp response and deleted it because I realised you were trying to be helpful. I’m sorry - it just … wasn’t, if I’m honest. Sorry.

Crying probably is a bit dramatic but I’ve tried very hard and feel like I’m getting very little back at the moment. There’s other stuff going on as well.

It feels relentless some days, but it's not your particular children, I promise you that. The only thing you can change is your own behaviour, and your perspective.

Tomorrow is another day, find something where you can all find a bit more of a groove, outside is good which is why I mentioned the walk, water is good which is why I mentioned a bath.

Them watching you sit in the front of your car on your phone crying as a response to them acting out, isn't going to help them regulate their emotions. Maybe one persons McDonalds milkshake and the park is another persons walk round the block to find blackberries, whatever works for you, it doesn't have to be taken literally. I'm sorry things are hard, it sounds like the straw that broke the camels back, it's not them.

Have you ever taken an obstreperous 3 year-old blackberry picking? The humungous thorny branches, the multitude of insects, the triffid-like overgrown stinging nettles, and the only blackberries within a small child's reach are at dog leg-cocking height which is why nobody else has picked them.

What could possibly go wrong?😂

Standard day out here 😅

I have, yes, plenty of times, which is why I suggested it. I went on walks and picked blackberries with my mum. I did it with my kids. I had no idea it was such a horrendous prospect, but I don't have an issue with insects, or plants, or nature in general, but there have been plenty of suggestions for a McDonalds and as I clarified, pick your lane.

@60degreecycle it isn’t quite that literal but you’ve been on at me and criticising me since I posted this thread and I am sick of it. Just go pick some bloody blackberries and leave me to it.

A day running and climbing around NT gardens sounds like a perfect way to spend the summer holidays.

Modern parenting advice sometimes makes it sound like any time children misbehave it’s the parents’ fault - they should have given the child more attention or regulated their own emotions etc. It’s not true. Just like adults are sometimes grumpy and annoying, children are sometimes grumpy and annoying, plus children have less social conditioning and self control!

Well done for persevering and being a loving mum xx

Thanks @FloraPoste42 . It’s just Mumsnet; if I’d said we were at soft play that would have been hideous and all wrong and if we’d been at the woods that would have been wrong etc.

The three year old is frustrating but generally fairly OK to manage … five year old is something else and currently feel I’m really messing up being his mum as I’m finding him increasingly difficult to like. Awful but true.

When I was little I would have done anything at all for my mother to take me and my sister anywhere.
I played on the back steps making home made cut out dolls and playing with imaginary friends.
I find it so sad that a mother ends up in tears because her children don't want to behave and everyone is making out like she wasted her time.
You did a wonderful thing my lovely, but kids can be little shits.
Dump them in the bath and sit them down with a book. Any bored whining, send them to bed.
Have a lovely glass of wine. Tune them out for your own sanity and just remember. Kids are ungrateful bastards that will take the last drop of blood from your veins
You did good today, please don't cry. One day they will be their spouses problem and not yours.

Oh my god, I've done the biggest eye roll at some of the patronising responses you've had.

Also hilarious that some posters seem to think that National Trust activities only consist of traipsing round stuffy old houses.

Your kids are 5 and 3 so I think we can all give you the benefit of the doubt that you're familiar with how to entertain and deal with them on a day to day basis and that the sheer relentlessness has just got on top of you today.

Absolute solidarity. Mine are 6 and 4 and I feel like I'm in survival mode a lot of the time at the moment which is all you can do to get through sometimes.

You have my sympathy. My little one had a full on (thankfully rare) tantrum at a restaurant last week. It was awful. I was so shocked and embarrassed and sat back at my table with tears in my eyes.

Some days are just hard. It's the age they are at - one day I will brave another restaurant visit just as you might choose to brave another NT activity ... in 15 years time 😉

I meant I wouldn’t take both my kids to an organised fun National Trust type activity, as at 5 and 2 it would be more stressful than fun for all involved… not that I never take my children out 🙄

Of course not. You have learned a painful lesson today.
I'm more Worried that you are crying. You did a lovely well meaning thing but they don't appreciate it. Hopefully when they are older they will realise how privileged they were to have a mother with time and empathy for them.
Trouble is it's cheaper and easier to throw them into the mud in the garden and let them go wild. You can watch from the steps with a glass of wine.

Sorry I realise that I have lost track of who the original poster was. This was meant for her.
🤐

At risk of being criticised vehemently, those little electronic tablets you can buy in Argos can sometimes provide a welcome break from children this age. Otherwise, large play centres or parks help them burn off excess energy. Lego, Playdoh and those little wooden trainsets for indoors and blow up paddling pools with toy plastic plates, cups, bowls, jugs and spoons, plus water pistols for the gardens are my favourites. Alternatively take them to Grandmas for a visit. She may even enjoy baking buns with them. This is definitely the hardest age group to entertain, it's not you, it's normal behaviour for healthy energetic children. Put them to bed early after a nice bath and relax yourself.