Thread for those dreading the summer holidays

[upsincehalffive]

For whatever reason, feel free to share but if not just come and sit somewhere peaceful.

I am dreading it. I don’t want to spend my days baking at the park, lugging picnics no one will eat around national trust places and spending hundreds of pounds I don’t have on keeping my children from killing one another.

Roll on September.

Then plan fun things you and your children will all enjoy..

This is so sad. Unfortunately I will be called all types of names for daring to say I love the holidays. You will be celebrated for being so “Honest”

Find other stuff to do. How old are your kids? Maybe ask for help entertaining them?

Be thankful you don't live in Northern Ireland. We have 9 weeks of it here.

How old are they ? Just let them chill at home. If they need to burn off steam there are loads of tips on obstacle courses etc

Im dreading them for different reasons, all my kids have sen and im unable to take them out on my own,we will Spend the summer trapped in the house so yes roll on September!

So what do you do the rest of the year? This is my most joyous time - I love the school holidays so much - I have to stop myself thinking about the sadness I feel when they go back in September.

Do you not work any of it OP?

It would appear that I have attracted people to the thread I did not want to 😂

No, I don’t work any of it.

@Stressymcstress what they find fun and what I find fun is different. For the most part ‘fun’ days out are both stressful and expensive.

@Sometimeswinning you won’t be jumped on and I’m sure there are lots of threads for you. This one was meant as a support thread for those of us who will struggle.

@SlushMountain that must be hard work

@nowhite as above, this may not be the thread for you.

I find it hard being in the house with mine as they become very destructive and wind one another up (but also won’t stay away from one another) but the upheaval of getting everyone outside is a lot; sun cream and hats and picnics no one eats and car journeys. It’s also expensive, even cheap or free stuff costs a lot.

Op make sure you have lazy days where you let them off to do what they want, then some organised days, but remember it can be cheap with movie days, board games, good auld hide and seek and chasing and art days, and screen time declarations- then you can have the days out!!

I can see that might work with older children but mine are young and lazy days just end up being destructive and difficult. I wish I knew what to do!

It seems sad that you get the whole summer off with them but dread all of it. Can you work and put them in holiday club for a few days? Or there are some cheaper holiday clubs that run 10-3 that would give you a break and wear them out. It would break it up a bit. I think most of us working over summer, scrabbling to get annual leave and struggling for childcare would love to swap places with you though.

You haven't said their ages but a few suggestions:

A treasure hunt (hide something in the house or garden).
Obstacle course.
Craft morning.
Library trip.
Swimming.
Day at the beach.
Go for a walk but make it fun by giving written directions and quiz questions.
Kite flying if a windy day.

@2dogsandabudgie thanks. To be honest, I’m not so much posting for suggestions as hopefully light hearted solidarity. Those examples are well meaning I know but of course don’t take into account where we live (right in the heart of the country; the beach is a minimum of a two hour drive there and back) practicalities (I can’t take them swimming) my own stress levels (crafts!) and so on.

@ToKittyornottoKitty I can put my eldest in holiday club and may do for a couple of days but my youngest is too young, and my older one wouldn’t want to do every day I wouldn’t have thought.

There are many people who are envious of others and would love to swap places with them. I would say be careful what you wish for, as you don’t always have the full picture. But in any event, I don’t think I’m massively unique in finding two very young children exhausting and relentless , day in day out, without any form of childcare or school to support.

I hear ya OP! I went back to work part time when my youngest started school as I frankly couldn’t face the long school holidays on my own with them as a SAHP so it meant I could feel justified to put them in paid childcare a few days a week. A few years have passed and I still find it incredibly difficult on my off days and the weekends with them! Like you I find it intense being at home due to the bickering, noise, mess but equally going out is exhausting and expensive. Yes of course there are fun moments and good bits but when the day (parenting) starts at 6am and ends at 9pm it’s long and relentless. I don’t know what to say other than I feel you. One foot in front of the other. I’d say it gets easier and while in many ways it does, I’m ten years in and still feel like this often. Yes I know I’ve made my bed and I lie in it, but it’s hard.

I’m a teacher 🤦🏼‍♀️ hence I get stuck with the holidays! In a couple of years my youngest will be at school too and I can probably get away with holiday clubs - even if I just get to spend a bit of one to one time with the other that massively helps because they are a bit of a handful together <diplomatic> and I can’t honestly say I enjoy spending time with them both.

So we will do the national trust visits and parks and farms etc; I reserve the right to be a wreck of my former self by the time September comes around again, though!

I am finding it hard as my DP is recovering from a serious health episode / hospital admission and needs lots of help at home, but balancing that against the needs of an incredibly boisterous seven year old is hard. I am snappy with everyone and feel overwhelmed. If I take her out for the day it means planning ahead to make sure DP is ok in my absence (meals / drinks in reach etc) but if we all stay in it just gets overwhelming. She has been affected by her Dad being ill and seems to have stopped wanting to play imaginatively and just wants the TV on all the time or doing "crafts" which means there is constantly paint and shit all over the table, and I am feeling overstimulated by it all!! She literally does not stop talking from sun up to sun down unless the tv is on. I lack the capacity to do interactive stuff with her at home because I am exhausted from doing all the cooking / washing / everything at home while her Dad is ill. My reserves are gone!!

Oh @Snowpaw how difficult. In many ways we are similar. My DH is also very unwell but is insisting on working throughout. I didn’t mention in my OP, partly because it upsets me but mainly because when I posted before so many posters were just fixating on getting my DH out of the main living space of the house and that’s really not what it’s about.

I feel pressured to be out so much and can’t really just relax at home either (well, as much as you can relax with a five year old and a three year old!)

I find them hard. I hear you op.

I know people mean well but often I feel they just have no understanding of different children and indeed different parents needs.

Mine all have different sen needs. Two needing to leave the house and have social interaction/novelty. But also an emergency escape plan to be home in seconds. One desperately needing down time so they can function the rest of the year for school. So every day of the holidays atleast one isn't happy with what our plans are. Usually all of them at some point of the day or indeed all day.
We are all managing sensory needs all day long including me. Some of us need silence to function and not feel sick some of us need to get big noise and big movement out to feel regulated. It's always at odds with eachother. Having friends over is another child to manage regulate and referee the dynamics.

There is no easy answer, activities last usually 10 minutes tops and when you're all up from 5am that's a lot of 10 minutes to fill and find activities for. Going out is exhausting and liable to throw everyone off kilter. Especially in the heat. But again its sometimes necessary for some of us.

It's just one big endurance slog. That's not to say I don't enjoy seconds here and there and we don't make lovely memories. But My god the work that goes on often behind the scenes to achieve them is immense.

Ofcourse no sen childcare exists unless you have a very expensive private sen trained nanny. So it's me doing the whole holidays. I'm already suffering migraines and put my back out. We are week one.

It's wonderful for the people that love the holidays but I absolutely understand not everyone does and that's OK.

@MightyGoldBear I totally get all that. Mine don’t have Sen (as far as I know anyway) but I have one who loves being at home, doing jigsaws, playing with her dolls and doing sticker books. The other likes tearing around adventure playgrounds.

I find them quite manageable alone because as long as you’re playing to their strengths they are fine, but I rarely do, so I don’t get to enjoy them as individuals because I’m constantly dealing with this and that and trying to meet everyone’s needs and generally giving 100% but still failing everybody.

Social media tells us it's unicorns and rainbows and full of joy.
In reality it's a long hard slog. My daughter loves school and is not happy to be off.

Hi op, I'm a teacher too and I have older children so it's easier now. But I wanted to say that what has jumped out at me is that your dh is working all summer and you are doing all the childcare. You need a break. Teachers all over the country are exhausted and need to recover. I always made sure we booked a summer holiday which included my dh. He also booked random days off to give me a break. Before they went to school I used to book them into nursery and once at school still signed up to the odd holiday club. Being 6 weeks of entertainment on your own is a real busmans holiday! You need to tell your dh to take some time off... it might help to calculate the money you will be saving on childcare and present this to your dh.

It's sad that you don't enjoy it but I really feel this is one of those look after yourself first moments, if you've got nothing left in the tank after a crazy year looking after other children it can be hard to enjoy the time with your own.

I sympathise. I have two children, aged 6 and 7, one of whom has SEN. They wind each other up and are a total handful when they're together. I definitely enjoy time spent as a family with my DH there, and I enjoy going out with them if I have another adult on hand to help like my mum, but if it's just me and the two children it's exhausting and often ends in tears. Given that your eldest is 5, I'd suggest you try to find a cheap holiday club that you can put them in one or two days a week - we have one locally which is £10 a day for four hours and I use that when I need a break.

Thanks all.

@WonderingWanda DH is working but he isn’t able to give me a break, if you see the post above (which isn’t said with any criticism, just explaining.)

As for it being sad - well, it is sad, yes, but these comments aren’t helpful because honestly they are so loaded with judgement and truthfully I feel how I feel. I don’t like parenting my children together; it’s hard work, relentless, overwhelming and I get pulled every which way, give my all and yet somehow still fall short. Individually is better but that means sending one away and because of their ages always the same one which is a shame for him.

@HardFuckingBird i know what you mean, it’s a lot to contend with when you have two children to one adult. Mine get really daft and silly when together and somehow bring out the worst in one another.

My kids are very different ages to yours now but I am happy to join in with some light hearted solidarity!
Mine are 11, 15 and 17 (about to go off to uni, no jobs available as she’s not 18 until August) and I am working full time. The older two will just happily rot in their rooms but then I feel bad about that. I know they’d be happier with a bit of physical activity and some goals and they agree, but then don’t want to actually do anything at that particular point.
The youngest will rot on screens for a bit but then wants to chat and do stuff and then I get cranky because I am trying to concentrate on work (wfh) so then I feel guilty about that.

Everyone is always much happier with a routine and something to get up for.

@upsincehalffive I'm sorry if my comments have upset you, that was the opposite of my intention. I meant it's sad for you because maybe it's hard to enjoy it because you are so exhausted. This is how I felt. It was not in any way loaded with judgement.

Why can't your dh take holiday? They is what I meant, that he needs to take time off as well. My dh isn't a teacher so obviously gets much less holiday time than me but he can still take some time off.