DD ignored on her birthday by “friends”

[Sadparent2026]

It’s DD’s birthday. She’s having a bigger party later in the holidays but I’ve brought a couple of her “friends” out for the day. The other two girls have spent the whole day talking only to each other, hugging each other, jumping on each other, talking in their own made up language and generally ignoring DD completely and utterly. She hasn’t said anything but has got sadder and sadder as the day has gone one. I knew their friendship group had been tricky this year and the girls in their (Y3) year group are a bit difficult generally but my heart is breaking a little bit for her. She feels as though she’s always on the outside of the group and now I can see why. I’ve said to the kids a couple of times that it would be great if they could all play together, to which they agree and then promptly turn around and ignore DD again.

I just want the day to end and to take her home and give her a big cuddle. She’s trying hard to be kind and accommodating- I don’t know why she’s being excluded 🙁. I could really do with a hand hold.

I’d have dropped the wee brats off after an hour of this bullshit tbh.

I will say tho, my mum always either did two or four. Three girls is a bit of a recipe for disaster (based on her experience with my older sister and her own experiences). I’ve always stuck with this. It’s never been an issue with my son, but same rules apply to him just for the sake of fairness.

Never ever invite 2 friends. Only invite 1 or 3. 4 is usually an ok number 3 is horrible. Always one left out.

I would take them both home and take your dd out for ice cream or something she likes.

Lesson learned about groups of 3 (unless it's a proven successful group of 3). A pair of close friends did similar at my daughter's birthday but as she had someone else there it wasn't devastating (incredibly rude though).

It requires bravery to take them home and say why, but if you can then do it. What an amazing lesson that would be for your daughter in not tolerating people treating you badly. Reward with an extra special evening afterwards.

Will other parents care much -as long as it’s not their DD

the girls don’t care that you are there and seeing it

Why are you allowing it to continue?! No way would I be stood passively while my daughter gets ‘sadder and sadder’ on a day out I’ve paid for! Get them told, get them gone and tell the parents why!

Throuples are always problematic. My 7yo is in one friendship group with three of them and there’s been a lot of someone being left out drama when they get on perfectly one on one. I won’t have the three of them together as it’s just a recipe for a disaster. At school at least there are other kids to go off and play with but when it’s just three, someone is always left out.

Year 3 seems like such a hard time for girls. I hate this kind of thing... if my kid behaved like it I'd come down on them like a ton of bricks. I suggest you say something to the parents.

Thank you all. I wasn’t sure whether I was being a bit precious but I’ve had a firm word about being nicer to everyone and it seems to have improved matters.

I agree totally about the thrupple. I won’t be doing this again! (I invited another child too but they had to pull out, unfortunately.)

I think speaking to the parents or telling them off will only make it worse and they will take it out on DD instead of suddenly including her. Maybe cut the day short if you can, do something nice with DD and encourage her to make new friends.

I'd be taking them aside and firmly explaining to them that is your DD's day, and this nonsense and leaving her out needs to stop or you'll be taking them home - no second warnings.

This isn't about you being pushy and trying to make kids include you DD in playdates/sleepovers in general - this is about basic manners; they accepted an invitation to your house to play with DD, so they should be behaving appropriately- excluding her is very poor behaviour.

I'd take them home and tell parents why - if the parents aren't bothered, don't ever invite these kids again - but they may be horrified and tell their DDs off, in which case they could get another chance, separately, in future (if your DD wants either of them over again!).

It's tricky OP, my DD has 'friends' like this. I used to be close friends with their parents but have fallen out with them over it. It's gone on for pretty much all of yr3 and 4. The girls and their parents don't care, my DD for some reason still sees these girls as her friends though and it's horrible to watch her trying to join in with them. I am encouraging her to spend time with others as much as possible. I don't know how girls of that age can be so nasty! Our school told me that her year group is particularly bad. Sending hugs!

That's not going to help matters long term. Sh needs to allow her DD to save face.