Stay at home

[Nonunifiedworkerworking]

What do parents that don't work do once their children are at school.

The'll be doing much the same things that fill the time of anyone who has chosen not to work, for whatever reason.

Just like @AngelsWithSilverWings I was a SAHM all through their school years and am now retired. I will not be returning to paid employment and Dh is fully on board with that. I do have a chronic illness so I have to pace myself to be able to get things done.

I did however, do all the housework Monday - Friday during school hours. This included a full meal plan for 3 weeks with 6 week swap outs. I was then able to be available for the children when they came home from school. Dh literally came home from work, got changed and spent time with the children because everything was done, dinner was on or made already. We had family dinners then did the usual taking them to clubs, swimming on a weekend. Dh had so much free time because I had done it all, bins, mowing the grass, DIY, decorating. I had free time in the day but it does go quicker than you think as school hours are shorter than a working day. I treated it like a job and got things done.

I actually did work part time after Ds1 was born so we shared nursery runs, leaving work because he was sick, Dh and I working around Ds having chicken pox. By not returning to work there was no juggling his annual leave with mine so we actually had holidays at the same time, no holiday clubs to find and fund. I could provide childcare on inset days where there is no wrap around care available for my friend's children. Also as an emergency collector of children if my friends got stuck in traffic. I did do volunteer work when I was able.

As my children are now 23 and 20 we bought our house when prices were not ridiculous meaning I had my own car, we had lovely holidays and did not have to scrimp on anything. Dh's career took off because he could stay later for meetings or work a professional day beyond 6pm etc. Dh and I agree it was the best thing we did for us and the children.

Everything around the house - cleaning, cooking from scratch, decor, managing contractors, gardening, dropping in on our elderly relatives with shopping. After school, hosting play dates, ferrying dc to various activities, coaching, and also homework and family time. In primary we averaged 1 weekend in 3 in our camper van, with occasional weekends abroad.

The work life balance for dh was fantastic - no housework, some small bits of maintenance or gardening, time to relax, pursue hobbies and travel. Lots of family time. In terms of work he could be flexible, work late, go abroad knowing he had rock solid childcare. He didn’t have to wonder if his shirts were clean, pick up his suit from the dry cleaner or stop into the shops on his way home. He could focus on work and just make money. Which he did.

Of course, he didn’t have to worry when the dc were sick, because they were with mum. If he couldn’t make sports day, or the nativity play or the parent teacher meeting, I was there, and sometimes with gps too. From his perspective, having a sahw was his preference. I’m not sure it was the best thing for me personally, but the family benefit was huge.

The other time filler for me, was neighbours needing lifts, and favours, other parents needing a childcare last minute, and all the various things that get dumped in your lap because you’re just at home doing nothing.

School holidays were great. Some years dh was able to take lots of time because he hadn’t used it up on sick days, etc. We did road trips in the van across Europe. Brilliant memories. Camps were optional - our dc usually did one with friends because of fomo but weren’t inclined to do more. Typically they’d get a project - redecorating a bedroom, building a tree house, learning to sew, making a Lego movie, coding … I just supported them to follow their interest and we went on lots of outings, read our way through the library, fun.

I think its a nice peaceful life for the family. I did this for a while, i gave up work when DS was in preschool so i had a 3 hour window. I had the time again for a year when youngest started primary. I exercised 2 or 3 days if I could, one day I did a grocery shop, another was cleaning day, sometimes I batch cooked, I did DIY and organising jobs, I volunteered in a charity shop and at least once I went somewhere nice for coffee with my book. I was very busy and didn't see it as much rest but the biggest difference was our weekends. We just chilled out at weekends and didn't have to fit in any jobs. Sports and activities were usually scheduled mid week. It was a much lower stress life for kids and DH. Healthy meals every day, clean organised house, lots of relaxing time at home. It got me down though. We were comfortable financially but I decided I wanted a purpose and got a PT job that fitted around kids. I'm off for the summers, 8 weeks where I live and 6 at home as we take a holiday. I usually have a long list of deep cleaning and DIY jobs that I do so I keep busy and work a few hours a day. I can imagine life being easier again if I was home FT but I'd probably still have jobs to do but lots more down time, maybe I'd socialise more with other SAHPs. Think of all those daily and weekly jobs working parents try to fit in or half do, they fill time if done methodically and slowly.

We just chilled out at weekends and didn't have to fit in any jobs

That's definitely one of the biggest positives of not working FT. No Big Saturday Shop etc.

These sound like perfect situations and you all get to enjoy evenings and weekends ☺️

I stayed at home until my daughter was 8, and once she was at school I spent my time keeping the house immaculate, washing, ironing etc. I decorated a number of rooms, and completely remodelled and landscaped a large and overgrown garden. I also used any spare time to make toys for my daughter. We moved into a near derelict house when I was six months pregnant and onmy had enough money to get the reworking, kitchen, bathroom, the main bedroom, and nursery done before she was born. We did almost everything else ourselves and it took years to get finished. I don’t remember ever having the time to sit down for the afternoon to watch TV or go out to lunch with friends.

All sorts of things. I work, but I often think people who say ‘I don’t know what I’d do with my time’ lack imagination. I can think of loads of things I’d do with my time.

Ok, agree I'm not that imaginative, everyone is different 😊I think I'd do something more like voluntary work and the great idea to do all the household chores so evenings and weekends can be spent having fun with family

I’m a sahm youngest is 11. I have six dc. Dh runs his own business that creates enough money for us to live comfortably as a family.
I do the usual stuff clean, cook, ferry the kids around. We are currently renovating which takes up a lot of time. Everything is pretty organised and I make sure everyone has everything organised for the week. 3 of the kids do a lot of sport to pretty high levels which involves a lot of travel and quite often not much of a weekend. Me being at home helps with this as there isn’t much free time to get stuff done at the weekend.
If kids are ill no probs, I can be at assemblies/ sports days.

I did work but we found as a family it worked better me being at home and I enjoy it. I have no problem at all filling my days.

I wouldn't be a SAHM through choice. I have always kept my career in much the same way as I would expect my husbands to.
Each to their own but not for me.
Edited to add: only one husband at a time! 😀

I can imagine you have had your hands very full with 6 children and everything that goes with that.