If your life has run smoothly to date …

[JammyPearl]

If life has pretty much gone your way , how much would you say has been down to luck , hardwork or a positive mind set ? I am wondering if a negative mindset attracts negative outcomes or a positive one attracts good fortune ,for example even over things outside your control such as the weather. Some people seem to have the knack of picking holidays months in advance and always getting the week where the sun shines etc or when disaster looms seem to come out unscathed . Yet some people seem to be dogged by misfortune and tragedy through no fault of their own .

It's mindset for me. I am a very happy person and love my life. That is not the same as saying everything has been easy. I have suffered from sexual abuse, alcoholic parents, bereavement, redundancy etc. Life has ups and downs but I think most of it is about how you frame it.

I actively choose to be happy as often as I can. So in your example if it rained on my holiday then never mind. I would choose to do more indoor things and enjoy my holiday in other ways. It would be madness to let the weather.... something external that I have zero control over affect my happiness. I don't think moaning and being negative does anything to improve a bad situation.....it just makes you and everyone around you more miserable.

I agree with PPs that I was also very, very careful about major life decisions like choosing who to marry and have my children with. I am also careful financially.....we live beneath our means and that brings us a lot of peace day to day. We enjoy simple things and are pretty easily pleased!

Tbh I think a good deal of luck in the fact that nothing truly terrible has ever happened to me.

But yes, some of it is hard work + good decision making + good intuition/grabbing what opportunities I can. Some of it is attitude/mindset

But it really depends what you mean by smooth. To me my life is smooth because I've never been homeless, or had significant health problems or been in a major car accident, which is mostly luck. I do think some people who have disaster after disaster have poor coping skills and can be very passive in their life choices, but ultimately if you've had cancer 5 x no amount of hard work or positive mindset will change that

I was lucky enough to choose a good husband. I had a good education and everyone in my ( close) family is healthy in general. mainly luck plus some effort as well.

It’s a bit of everything I think

the positive thinking helps a disaster turn into an hysterical story for example, or helps you make the best of a bad job - crap holiday weather ? Do some indoor things , make more of meals out or spend longer chatting over coffee and cake

but luck is probably the biggest factor - it’s luck of the draw who gets serious illness and no amount of positive thinking and hard work can make up for lack of health

I agree with this really.

If you have a positive mindset it's pretty lucky to have that too - some kids just struggle, don't get support, and then overcoming that is such a huge amount of work, then they get criticised.

I know some people who have always struggled to be positive - their back stories are so shocking, it's no wonder - but why should they explain all that to every arsehole who thinks they should just be more upbeat?

I amnt sure that just saying everything is luck is right.

that enables people to give up trying, enabled them to give up responsibility for their own life

and for many things the effort you put in is rewarded. It might not be a perfect holiday but it might be one every one enjoyed all the same. you might not get the job you dreamed of, but getting better exam results or putting effort in on a Saturday job will tilt the table towards you

as in luck isn’t fixed , you can often improve your odds

I agree that it is largely luck. Mindset makes a big difference but I think that's dependent on the personality traits you are born with as well as external factors/upbringing etc that shape you. It's interesting to see the common theme around being considerate with choices too. By nature I am very risk averse and put a lot of thought into everything and logic generally prevails. Up until the past year I feel that life has run very smoothly for me (despite a difficult start in life) and that I'm a very lucky person. Good job, happily married with children, stable home - life was pretty textbook (which may be fairly boring to many, but I was very content). I then made a major life decision which I deeply regret and this was absolutely a heart over head decision which is probably the first time in life I have done so. My whole mindset has changed since and I find I'm constantly in a negative spiral.

It's unusual, but DH has genuinely never had anything seriously bad happen to him in his life. He is an optimist, but I think the real test is when life does become difficult, which will happen to everyone at some point.

I think it's mostly luck, but mindset really helps. I would consider myself to have had a very smooth and blessed life thus far, but when I think on it; my immediate family have mental health issues & one is an alcoholic, I've had a stroke, I had a MMC, I was SA twice and left an abusive relationship when younger which left me homeless for a couple of months.

I believe my life has been happy and calm though and I don't know how much of that is my positive mindset. I don't think I could say the same if I wasn't lucky enough to have always loved and been loved, and lived in a safe country. Truly some people get an obscene amount of horror thrown at them throughout their lives.

you certainly can improve your odds

But odds are still about luck

Yes - but don’t assume that luck is fixed and therefore abdicate responsibility for your life which is what I have seen

rather accept that luck is your starting point and you can make things better or worse by your actions and attitudes

so yes, luck means I will never run a marathon or dine at the ritz but without my choices and actions I would be in a much worse situation

What if life hasn't gone smoothly right from the start though? Before any of it was down to choices you had a say in. And you might have a sunny disposition but eventually have to develop a more realistic mindset for the situation you're in. And then what if due to that bumpy start you have a lot of trouble in adulthood too, despite constant effort and a generally happy disposition still? Good choices and positive mindsets can't do everything - sometimes you have lot of difficulties and you get ground down. And then you feel even more crap when you hear people say you make your own luck or you draw bad energy to you by thinking the wrong thoughts or whatever.

Pure luck with minimal planning.

I’ve had a great life so far - early 50s, all good health, lovely marriage and kids, only good things to say really. However like some of the others on here in similar positions, I don’t make stupid decisions - I’m very sensible, not a huge risk taker, look at all options before doing things. Doesn’t mean a boring life at all but I’m sensible, think things through and weigh stuff up which means avoiding financial woes, bad jobs, bad relationships etc. I also have an excellent bullshit radar so I’m never taken in by anyone’s shit, which I think helps.

You are very right. How/where you were born, what your parents were like, your health, are all things you have no control over, so luck seems the right way to describe it. But I think what other posters mean, is to try and make the best of your situation. It’s only easy to say that if things are going well for you. If there not, it’s much difficult. Death of loved ones, long term illness and lots of other things happen, and feel not just unfair, but as if you nothing good ever happens. Life isn’t fair, I think acknowledging that and still carrying on is strengthen. And maybe the hope that things will get better gives you (well me) the strength to carry on

I agree some people have a horrendous amount thrown at them, and of course you are lucky if you have good health. I'm sure it's a mix of everything: luck, mindset and choices.

Some people do have a propensity to make their life more difficult than it needs to be though. My DSis is a prime example of this.....difficult marriage but had another child, very stressful home life then added a puppy into the mix which has added even more to her plate. I don't know why she does it to herself. She doesn't really know either, I think she has this vision of the perfect family and I get that because we had a difficult childhood ourselves. But what she actually does is make choices that make her life harder. You see that sort of thing all the time, even down to people getting involved in drama within friendships or people in terrible relationships posting for advice on here.

I don't know what makes that simpler for one person compared to others though.

I think it’s mindset- I read the title of this thread, And thought oh yes, my life runs smoothly- I think my life is fabulous … but when I look back - along the way I’ve failed a degree, been totally broke and couch surfing, been happily married until DH had an affair and left the same month I was made redundant, supported two dying parents and a DSis with serious mental illness, lost my oldest best friend to cancer, and this week been told my non functioning car only has “scrap value “ ….

But I’m healthy and can afford To do the things I want to do. Of course, I’m limited by a budget so I choose to spend money on my Garden rather than going on holiday- I’ve had two holidays in 15 years. They were both just long weekends on A European city break, It’s about making choices not about being able to have everything. so life feels good because I suppose my expectations are just pretty realistic given the limitations of my income.

Im sorry but if youre including childhood in this then no amount of positive thinking can overcome adverse experiences when little.

You literally have no control or even concept of anything and just take the hand youre dealt.

Then a crappy childhood spills over into young adulthood- no emotional or financial help, scars, ptsd, etc etc

Positive thinking will help a bit but you will be coming at life with a shitty deal of the cards to say the least

I have read the thread and realised that a pp has said pretty much what I said

Life is like a rollercoaster, you must ride the highs to get you through the lows. Whatever your luck is today at some point it will change. Hard times are not always because you did something wrong it’s just the journey that’s called life.