Was I wrong to mention a colleague's visible period stain?

[StephE]

Last week, I noticed that my colleague had a blood stain on her backside. It was very obvious that her period had either started unexpectedly or she had leaked through protection. This was not what I would categorise as a small stain. As soon as I realised that she was unaware and was going to keep walking around like that, I simply told her that she has a stain. I did not even utter the words blood or period. Ever since, she has been trying to avoid me as much as she can, and I can tell she's upset that I said it in front of our other colleagues. Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions. She is considerably younger so that may be it. I have considered apologising but do not want to make the work atmosphere more tense. Was I wrong to say anything?

You weren’t honest either, saying that there was a stain when clearly she was going to go check.
I would have told her discreetly that she has leaked blood through her trousers.

pointing it out in front of others is what she is upset about, and anyone would be. This was definitely something to a discreet/ private heads up. Unfortunately what you may of intended to be supportive has come across as making fun of her in front of colleagues - and especially if she is younger will be mortified.

As stated by many others, it isnt telling her that is the issue, it is the delivery. You could have spoken to her discreetly without announcing it in front of others. If I was on the receiving end if your delivery I would be embarrassed and I would consider your delivery rude (which is probably why she is avoiding you to avoid this conflict conversation) you should apologise, but please don't do this with an audience as it will just cause further attention/embarrassment.

I think it was an unkind thing to do, the same way I think people who make a spectacle of someone by telling them they look tired or unkempt in front of an audience. People might not say anything to you but I promise they’ll be thinking you’re a passive aggressive mean girl, or maybe you already have that reputation.

Omg why the hell did you say it in front of other colleagues?! How tactless are you? Not surprised she's avoiding you she's probably scared you'll shout she's got BO next

WHY has EVERYONE ( including Men) got such a simplistic and Asumptive view of Women's toiletry needs.. I get Soooooo riled up when I hear ( esp. Men) say things like : OOOOOOOH WHY is she soooooooo long in the rest room etc.....etc.....SHE !!!! could be having a MISCSRRIAGE OR EVEN GIVING BIRTH( thanks to THEM M€N)..

But it's not always SIMPLISTIC = quick pee then out, women have ALOT GOING on ALL the time INSIDE OUR BODIES. Don't assume: Just Quick Pee then shake.!!!!! L. O. L. Sometimes it's MORE SERIOUS like Miscarriage, or BIRTH starting YES !!!!!

I'm not a nurse, but work in a very similar allied health profession, and I simply do not believe for one moment that the dignity and privacy that you'd afford a patient didn't occur to you in this situation. It would (should!) be second nature. So you really need to reflect and be honest with yourself about why you chose to show your colleague up in front of others. Because that was a conscious choice, however much you might say it wasn't.

In front of colleagues? Really? That’s awful! No wonder she’s avoiding you!

Most people posting are missing the worst part of this story … that you didn’t actually mention a period or blood stain! You just said she had a stain, in front of others! Basically, you’ve just called her dirty, in front of others. You shouldn’t have said anything in front of colleagues, but at least if you’d said ‘period’ she’d probably be less embarrassed, as it happens to the best of us, and it would come across as more caring than ‘you have a stain ….’

Why didn’t you say it when just the 2 of you

Awful bitchy behaviour. Op you’re disliked by all your colleagues for a reason.

100% this.

The poor woman , you were bang out of order

I work in a healthcare settimg and one of our patients was at the desk booking an apt, She had a splatter of cow shi£#t on her cheek,. She is a hardy working farmer.
I asked her into the treatment room and said it to her. She was horrified but so Thamkul as She had plans to go browsing im the town for the morning..
If I had publucly said it im front of others it would have humiliated her. You need to apologise profusely.

@Andagain posters saying the OP was “bitchy” and ‘bang out of order” - the OP was the person who told her! OP is being turned into a fiend when she was the one who actually DID something. She might have delivered it badly but at least she acted.

Threads like this would encourage people to just ignore a situation like this and say nothing because they don’t want to be a bitch or a bully. The OP was clumsy but she wasn’t evil. Get a grip people.

I got to the bit where you said you said it in front of other colleagues 😱😱😱 just what the hell were you thinking??? I’m not surprised at her response since. The only thing I’d want a colleague to do in the same situation is pull me into a broom cupboard then run off and get me a set of scrubs

Exactly this, as a nurse I would have expected more sensitivity and discretion. Also it’s not always even just a period, sometimes can be an early miscarriage someone is going through

Quite honestly, i think it’s just as bad to notice a flaw/mistake on someone that can be fixed within minutes and saves further embarrassment for them, not to tell them is covert bitchy behaviour and I’ve side eyed anyone who has been in proximity to me and not told me. Especially if they’re the type who without hesitation, will make me feel self conscious about an aspect of myself in-front of others.

Both are covert bitch red flags.

It sounds as if OP behaved differently to this woman because she is younger / more junior.

There is no way OP would have told her manager she had a period stain in front of everyone else.

It’s not ok to treat younger colleagues differently.

I guess she is a bit embarrassed but I would be very thankful if you had told me! Well done to you.

Well I’ve learnt one thing from this thread and that’s to keep my mouth shut in this situation. No way I’d step into the minefield of how to tell, what to say, when to say it.

You are not wrong for telling her, I am sure anyone would want to be told the same. However you should have pulled her to one side and been more discreet about it, there was absolutely no reason to tell her infront of other people.

I can understand why she is avoiding you,
probably feels embarrassed and also pissed off.

I don’t think it will help your situation to talk to her about it again / apologise. Just move on now and accept the fact she probably no longer wants much to do with you.

It's not a minefield at all - just tell them in private.

Your logic is wild - I’m a nurse too and would not appreciate your lack of discretion. Would you take kindly to someone saying your breath reeks in front of people just because it’s a natural to have smelly breath sometimes? Patronising to reference her age as well.

But OP doesn't regret it. She thinks that her colleague is the problem.