Was I wrong to mention a colleague's visible period stain?

[StephE]

Last week, I noticed that my colleague had a blood stain on her backside. It was very obvious that her period had either started unexpectedly or she had leaked through protection. This was not what I would categorise as a small stain. As soon as I realised that she was unaware and was going to keep walking around like that, I simply told her that she has a stain. I did not even utter the words blood or period. Ever since, she has been trying to avoid me as much as she can, and I can tell she's upset that I said it in front of our other colleagues. Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions. She is considerably younger so that may be it. I have considered apologising but do not want to make the work atmosphere more tense. Was I wrong to say anything?

I know. I read that. My sentiment remains unchanged. Every adult knows that women of a certain age range presumably have a menstrual cycle. It’s not some secret.

It’s more embarrassing to have a bodily fluid on your trousers that everyone can see for a prolonged amount of time than to be told in front of those people that you have a stain on your trousers.

Of course you were right to tell her. But not in front of other people! You’ve embarrassed her, not surprised she’s keeping her distance. I’m shocked as a nurse you can’t understand that.

I was once at a business dinner in Japan and couldn't easily get up from the seating to go to the loo. It was very hot and I noticed too late that my period has started unexpectedly. I'm sure everyone saw, it was impossible to miss but there was nothing I could do other than make up some excuse to go back to my hotel. So nobody said anything. If they had, I think I'd have cried. You didn't really have to do it like that.

I think you need to go to her op and apologise because while you were well intentioned, you were thoughtless in how you addressed it and because it wasn't something that would have bothered you personally you made an assumption that it wouldn't bother her either but you can see that was actually really unfair to put on her and you should have handled it better and more discretely. If it were me I'd get her some chocolate and have a quiet word and apologise properly in person.

Many, many years ago I worked in a hospital as a dental nurse and we wore white dresses. I’d leaked through on to it, but wasn’t aware. The very lovely male consultant who I was working with let me know, then went to the staff room and got my coat and sent me home.

This was way before the days of people wearing scrubs outside operating theatres. But after that I always took a spare dress, etc to work.

What’s a reverse? (new to MN)

FFS, you're insane if you think she'd accept that was done with good intentions.

It’s more embarrassing to have a bodily fluid on your trousers that everyone can see for a prolonged amount of time than to be told in front of those people that you have a stain on your trousers.

No one is disputing that.

But it's more embarrassing to be told in a public forum that you have a period stain on your trousers than being told discretely, which is what OP should have done.

This. You should apologise (in private)!

I think @StephE might not be returning.

It means something along the lines of role reversal.

In this case it would mean that the poor person with the stain has posted to see what other people think of the person who told her in front of everyone. Does that make sense ? I might not have explained it well.

You should have told her privately. She is probably very embarrassed and that's why she is avoiding you.
It makes no difference that you are all nurses.

Back in the days when I was at school, and our periods were just starting - all at different times and irregular - we would always ask our friends to tell us if we ‘had leaked’ if we needed to get up in class or go to the loo. Even 12/13 year olds knew to do it discreetly so as to save embarrassment!

Nobody can possibly be so dense to not realise that telling her in front of colleagues is an awful, cruel and humiliating thing to do.

So you are either quite stupid, or you are awful and cruel.

Thank you. I think I will do! I just wasn’t certain if it was better left alone at this point.

I don't think you should have told her in front of other people. I'm a heavy bleeder and have on occasions had stains that I wasn't aware of...it's an embarrassing situation. I would of course want to know, but I think it's one of those things you DISCREETLY notify a woman about...

You were right to tell her, but you should have pulled her aside. Maybe approach her (discreetly!) and apologise.

Yeah. Don’t rock up to her, slap her on the back and loudly say ‘sorry about the period thing the other day!’

This is something you tell people discreetly. Telling them in front of others is horrible, I’m not surprised she’s ignoring you and others will be also aware that you told.

I think you should have walked super close behind her and discretely let her know. Then you are blocking the view and letting her know.

You shouldn’t have said anything that would draw others attention to it, you should apologise to her

@StephE its like if someone's clothes smell etc even if your not embaressed then they might be, its always best to discuss these matters privately

Always be discrete. It doesn't matter that we all get them, it's mortifying when it happens.

In the circumstances I'm not sure chocolate is the most sensible gift suggestion during a heatwave. Say she sat on it by accident - that would only add insult to injury!

Wow some friend you are, doing that in front of everyone!

If you are a nurse and you said it in front of others God help you patients.