Was I wrong to mention a colleague's visible period stain?

[StephE]

Last week, I noticed that my colleague had a blood stain on her backside. It was very obvious that her period had either started unexpectedly or she had leaked through protection. This was not what I would categorise as a small stain. As soon as I realised that she was unaware and was going to keep walking around like that, I simply told her that she has a stain. I did not even utter the words blood or period. Ever since, she has been trying to avoid me as much as she can, and I can tell she's upset that I said it in front of our other colleagues. Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions. She is considerably younger so that may be it. I have considered apologising but do not want to make the work atmosphere more tense. Was I wrong to say anything?

You did absolutely right to tell her - but you should have pulled her away and told her privately.

If someone told me discretely I would be very very grateful. If they announced it in front of colleagues I would be mortified.

Really awful and embarrassing to do this in front of others, however well intentioned. You owe her a big apology.

It was really very tactless of you to tell her in front of people. Why on earth did you think this was ok. You need to apologise.

Would you have told your manager in front of others about her period stain? No, you would not.

So why do it to a younger colleague?

I hope you have taken her to one side and apologised for your unkind and insensitive behaviour!

hard to believe you can’t see YABU. Of course you should have told her discreetly, not in front of others. You have embarrassed her in front of her colleagues, That much is obvious. You absolutely owe her an apology.

What @StarPyjamas says

You shouldn't have mentioned it in front of others. You should have taken her to one side and mentioned it quietly with no one else around.

You do need to apologize to her now and say you were sorry, it was thoughtless of you to mention it in front of others and that you can now see it would have been much better to speak to her privately.

You did nothing wrong, OP. I mean, everyone else could see the stain too, it wasn’t something that only you witnessed. You acted rightly in alerting her asap. Taking her aside wouldn’t have changed anything.

Surely other people have eyes, also?

You were absolutely right to tell her but not in front of people!

I’m a lecturer and during the last heatwave I was wearing white jeans in class. I had the same student group all day. At lunch I’d gone and sat out in the sun, and had ended up in a churchyard, sitting on a manky bench to eat my sandwich. When I went back to class I could tell a group of female students were talking about me. One girl asked if she could see me outside - not unusual, often students want to ask something privately or disclose personal information - and told me she thought my period had started as I had a stain on my bum. It actually wasn’t my period, it was some horrible oily thing, but I was so touched by how kindly and sensitively the girls opted to handle it. The jeans survived after spot treatment and a wash, so did I with my cardi round my waist until the class finished, all good.

Exactly. Everyone else was seeing it. The OP wasn’t pointing out something other people weren’t aware of.

I’m surprised a Nurse was troubled by that tbh

Lesson learnt op . A bit more of a thought for other people’s feelings . You embarrassed the fuck out of her .

I hope you’re kinder to your patients OP?

I’m curious as to why as a HCP you would think this was the right way to discuss this. Maybe look up the meaning of words like kindness, caring, discretion, sensitivity, confidentiality. You could ask your trust for some training in this area you might find it helpful.

This thread is deeply weird. It’s not a situation that requires any particular ‘kindness’ or ‘sensitivity’, or indeed privacy. This woman was walking around with a period stain on her uniform. Everyone else also saw the blood. The OP wasn’t drawing people’s attention to something they hadn’t already seen!

Today's lesson:

Definition of "discreet": being careful, tactful, and judicious in your speech or actions.

Definition of "discrete": clearly separate or different.

People calling for OP to act more discretely probably don't mean what they are saying.

@StephE
You could've gotten her attention then taken her aside to say; no need for you to have done it the insensitive way you did
Only hoping you're never placed in a cancer/serious ailments ward if you tend to blurt like that

You should not have said it in front of others for goodness sake!

Oh come on there is a strong hierarchy on a hospital ward plus patients and so on, you often have little idea how a work colleague feels about things, it would have had no impact on anything to take the poor girl aside and have a quiet chat. The NHS is full of nasty bullies and this is exactly the kind of thing they do, To be honest I wondered if the OP was male they seem to lack empathy and understanding into how this could make someone feel. It seems weird that a HCP would need to ask. Or yeah maybe it’s a reverse, maybe it’s someone’s 14 year old son who knows!

Don’t bring it up again! she was probably embarrassed the first time and doesn’t want to be embarrassed for a 2nd time so you can feel better about yourself.

I think you were beyond mean to embarrass the poor girl

aren’t nurses meant to be full of kindness and compassion

God what dreadful behaviour. From a nurse too. I’d hope you’d have better understanding of dignity and respect but clearly this is not the case.