Was I wrong to mention a colleague's visible period stain?

[StephE]

Last week, I noticed that my colleague had a blood stain on her backside. It was very obvious that her period had either started unexpectedly or she had leaked through protection. This was not what I would categorise as a small stain. As soon as I realised that she was unaware and was going to keep walking around like that, I simply told her that she has a stain. I did not even utter the words blood or period. Ever since, she has been trying to avoid me as much as she can, and I can tell she's upset that I said it in front of our other colleagues. Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions. She is considerably younger so that may be it. I have considered apologising but do not want to make the work atmosphere more tense. Was I wrong to say anything?

I’m shocked that some PP are alleging bullying and criticising the NHS. That seems a bit dramatic and extreme. From what I’ve read, it doesn’t sound like the OP was having a laugh with the rest of nurses about this or intentionally trying to cause humiliation.

Could the matter have been addressed better? It appears so. Was the OP out to torment this girl? It doesn’t appear so. Both things can be true at once. There’s an awful lot of black-and-white thinking on MN.

Honestly I struggle to believe anyone is this thick!

This happened to me in high school. Horrible memories

I’m a 36-year-old nurse, and I don’t think I’d be able to turn up for work if my colleagues knew that I was on my period and/or had leaked whilst at work. I’m not sure why it’s being assumed that nurses are open about this subject. Many of us are private or shy about this sort of thing. It can be very undignifying for others to know that you’re on your period. I don’t know anyone who announces it.

You should definitely apologise, but it wouldn't surprise me if she still didn't trust you. Very sneaky and insensitive thing to do

You saying it out loud in front of others was an absolute bitch move and you know it!

@Athwart but it would have wouldn't it?

The fact the stain was there certainly not. But the fact "everyone else seeing the stain was politely ignoring it" is the point. We ALL know these bodily functions happen. But we don't need them when they happen to be pointed out verbally to EVERYONE within hear shot.

Taking her aside wouldn’t have changed anything....except her dignity.

She did nothing “wrong” is not how the young colleague sees it . She obviously did in her eyes. I would say that if you ask a group of people would they rather be told in private or in front of a whole team that you had a period stain on your uniform, the answer would be overwhelmingly obvious .

She is probably embarrassed, nurse or not. I’d still rather someone told me though.

I don't think you were wrong in the slightest. Was pulling her aside an option? However, I still don't think you did something wrong, the stain was visible to others as well, nothing wrong with mentioning it to her directly like you did, while others apprently did not.

I was wondering if it was male colleagues as well. That would be horrible. Wouldn't be too upset if it was just females as we have all been there but some people are more sensitive. You should apologise privately and in time she will hopefully get past it.

Hi Custard 👋🏼
This should help:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2848715-To-ask-what-the-fuck-a-reverse-is

Could you PM me your hospital?
Just want to make sure to never come to it for your level of care.
Yabu.

This is quite frightening… You wouldn’t go to work if a colleague somehow found out that you were on?! Why are so many healthcare professionals this ashamed of a natural process?

Where did you get the idea that so many healthcare professionals are this ashamed?

Can you not see that maybe a bit of discretion was necessary?

Is this what your bedside manner is like with your patients?

You weren't wrong for telling her but can you not see she felt humiliated? You need to work on your empathy.

I was in hospital last year and some medical staff are really lovely with their patients, whereas some have been in the job too long and are jaded and it really shows in the way they deal with people at their most vulnerable.
They shouldn't be around sick people.

Certainly not saying this is you OP but if you can't see that this colleague was humiliated and might even think you did it on purpose then maybe you're heading that way.

Wrong answer- don’t take away the person’s dignity by discussing openly in front of other colleagues. You don’t know if she is secretly intimidated by someone in the group listening, and will feel additional shame that she wouldn’t feel in front of friends she trusted.

It is your personal attitude that needs to develop and grow up, the rest of us have heard of this word called nuance!

FFS

Poor woman. Presumably she knew but was on shift so couldnt go home and change

In front of your colleagues is unforgivable. Even for a nurse you seem massively insensitive.

Nasty
I had a cashier in a supermarket tell me. Hugely embarrassing -of vcourse I already knew but was in holiday and had not had a chance to sort myself out yet.

I would have used my whisper voice. It seems people have lost the ability to whisper in someone's ear.

Or said "Jenny, can I ask you something in private?" And taken her aside.

Simple in either case.

I’d be grateful for someone to tell me but likely a bit embarrassed if I didn’t know the person well and even more so if it was in front of others. I get where you were coming from and why you thought it wasn’t a big deal being nurses etc but I think it’s the feeling of being seen in a way you did not intentionally present yourself and just feeling a little vulnerable and undermined. I think just have a quick word with her privately and just say sorry that I said that in front of everyone, it just came out as I wanted to let you know but I realise I should’ve done it one to one. I didn’t mean to embarrass you in any way.

Oh goodness, for some reason I thought a nurse would have more sense. Poor woman.

Saying it in front of others was totally thoughtless. I'm a nurse too, just because we know all the ins and outs of bodily functions doesn't mean this is OK.

I know all about bowel movements, totally natural, I still wouldn't announce to everyone that I'm going for a poo same thing here, you could have had a discreet word. She would probably still be embarrassed but rather than that small embarrassment you did it in front of everyone. That's mean.