Was I wrong to mention a colleague's visible period stain?

[StephE]

Last week, I noticed that my colleague had a blood stain on her backside. It was very obvious that her period had either started unexpectedly or she had leaked through protection. This was not what I would categorise as a small stain. As soon as I realised that she was unaware and was going to keep walking around like that, I simply told her that she has a stain. I did not even utter the words blood or period. Ever since, she has been trying to avoid me as much as she can, and I can tell she's upset that I said it in front of our other colleagues. Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions. She is considerably younger so that may be it. I have considered apologising but do not want to make the work atmosphere more tense. Was I wrong to say anything?

What would you do if this happened to you at work?

go home?

can a nurse pop home and change or would the hospital provide clean uniform?

Doing it in front of other colleagues was inconsiderate. Yes @Lavender14's advice is perfect so glad to see you intend to follow it.

I'm not surprised she's avoiding you. Despite being all nurses it was quite a mean way of going about it.

Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions.

I'd like to think that doesn't stop you from also having an understanding of basic human dignity, though.

Understanding what a period is a) isn't unique to nurses and b) doesn't mean people are immune to embarrassment or humiliation.

Telling her, fine. Telling her in front of other people, tactless.

I am in the minority here and would be grateful if someone told me it was coming through my outfit. It wouldn’t bother me if it was in front of a bunch of women in my group as OP has said as I assume we would all have had plenty of leaks in our time. Who has time to discreetly pull someone aside and whisper to them.

As a nurse you know that at times people would like information to be shared discretely.

Absolutely the right thing to let her but really not okay to do it in front of others.

I’ve had a leak while working on the ward and had to borrow a spare uniform. Not my size!

I couldn’t go home due to staffing and can’t think of another ward that would allow it.

Steph, can you explain what made you think it was a good idea to tell her in front of other people in the first place?
I think most of us agree she needed to be told, that was kind, but it's the in front of others we struggle to understand.

I think she answered that question in her OP: Because we're nurses, I really did not think it was a big deal. We all have an understanding of the human body and its functions.

Hopefully this has helped her appreciate that just because you're are nurse it doesn't mean you're immune to bodily related embarrassment.

So instead of telling her privately, you brought the stain to everyone's attention?

I really hope that you respect your patients' privacy more than you respect your colleague's.

Discreetly and discretely are not the same things.

Huh , surely going up to her to whisper in her ear would have taken no longer than a few seconds . I’m sure most people can spare a fee seconds.

Who has time to discreetly pull someone aside and whisper to them

Someone with a basic understanding of human dignity?

Which, frankly, a nurse should absolutely have.

I really hope that you respect your patients' privacy more than you respect your colleague's

I'm now wondering if OP is the same nurse who stood over the patient in the bed next to mine when I was in hospital and loudly praised her for the size of the shit she'd just had to do in her bed pan.

Since you're (at least) the second person to mention this, as someone who accidentally used "discretely" I wanted to reassure you personally that I know the difference between the two. I'm also pretty sure given the context of this thread, that others knew exactly what I (and other others who made the same typo) meant. I can only blame my sausage fingers and thumbs in this heat.

Thanks for your feedback though!

Thank you!!

So what have you done OP?

You're fine, Petunia, some SPAG pendants (oops, there's a free one) just can't help doling out unwanted lessons.

This thread!! It’s insane to me that this many healthcare professionals would have this much of an overreaction. The nurse being talked about in the OP is ignoring her colleague because she told her that she’d leaked in front of others. The other poster nurse said that she wouldn’t turn up to work if her colleagues knew. I mean… what???

That’s not to mention all of the other nurses on this thread basically suggesting that they’d also overreact.

Yeah id have wanted told but privately. Doing it in front of colleagues was thoughtless

OP you would have been better to ignore it. This thread is WHY people don’t help others. You try, you might make a mistake because you do it quickly and then you become the problem. Other people saw it and didn’t say anything nothing but OP is the one who is wrong. If she’d said nothing, no need to apologise, no awkwardness for the OP, she could just get on with her day. Now she has negotiate the fact she is a bad person.

These replies are honestly wild to me. The OP has been called nasty, a bully, mean, disgusting, horrible. I know some people are very private about periods, and their bodies generally, but OP evidently just misjudged how her colleague would react.

This is what I was thinking. Judging by the posts, we have a whole lot of perfect people on here who have never in their life handled a situation poorly or said something to someone in the moment that they later regret in hindsight. Apparently making a mistake makes someone evil.

Honestly, I think a lot of people just want to feel morally superior to someone else. I often see OPs being attacked for one thing or another on here.

Why are you implying that OP's only options were 1) to tell her colleague in front of a group that she had a period stain on her trousers or 2) not say anything at all?

Clearly there is a third option, which was to take the colleague to one side ("Rachel, can I just have a quick word?") and let her know in private. That is what most people would do.

Clearly OP's intention was to be helpful but she's gone about it the wrong way and embarrassed her colleague in front of a group. If she acknowledges her faux pas (which it was) then hopefully everyone can move on 😊

ETA: I agree any accusations of "bullying" are pure hyperbole. From what she's said, there was no ill intent.

I think the shocking thing about the post is the OP’s absolute lack of understanding of how having this pointed out to her loudly in front of other people has impacted the poor woman, and as a NURSE no less. This other woman has been publicly humiliated and the OP is lucky she doesn’t report her for bullying. Mistake or misjudgment or not, bullying has nothing to do with the perpetrator’s intent and everything to do with how the target receives the behaviour. In this case the person clearly feels humiliated and wronged so everything else is moot. OP needs to take ownership of her mistake and apologise, not ask a bunch of strangers whether they agree with her or not, because it really doesn’t matter what we think. It’s about this poor woman who has been embarrassed.