Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

It's bizarre too to think they can demand an explanation 😅 Shades of "We have vays of making you talk!" in the old black and and white movies. Or that really nutty Dido song "I will go down with this ship" (White Flag, just Googled it) which is all about stalking an ex and refusing to accept being dumped.

Anyone who thinks they can demand an ex friend's time, attention, or anything else is honestly a bit nutty and to be avoided.

Literally the only thing you can do when someone dumps you, without appearing batshit and completely unhinged, is put your chin up, and keep walking.

It would certainly be very entertaining 🤣

It’s nice that there are some sane people left 🤣

Would you really involve other people in something like this? It’s an invite to a party, I doubt most people will notice her absence anyway.

My mother lied to some people and they turned their back on me and ran the other way in the shops. I yelled out BOO.lol Honestly It freakin sucked and happened for months. One set shook their head at me. I smiled like what? It hurt so bad til I realised not all people are meant to be in your life.

You actually yelled ‘boo’? That just makes you look unhinged

So telephone her and ask that?

Seriously @Ironplate if the friends group has been going that long and they all know you, you really really don’t need to give a shiny one about why you’ve been uninvited, have to send apologies, whatever. Who actually cares in the big scheme of things? (You? Just asking.)

Honestly, stop with at all, be done, and live your life! Those that are friends will still be friends, and those that aren’t/won’t, will it truly affect your day to day?

I don't think anyone will notice either, we are all the main characters in our own lives. OP claims she doesn't want drama, so the only thing to do is just move on with her life, give none of it any oxygen, and certainly ̶g̶o̶s̶s̶i̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ asking other people is a terrible idea, unless she does want drama.

If this is your core group of friends, who are perfectly aware of her mercurial tendencies, I really don't know why you haven't quietly mentioned any of this to at least one of the calm and rational members of the group @Ironplate . I don't think it's causing drama to say:

"I'm not sure what the situation is with Claire. She blanks me whenever we're in the same room, and she's unfriended me on FB. I can see that she's also left our group chat. Is she okay?
The invitation to the party has also disappeared, so I'm taking the hint on that. But it is a bit of a worry"

Exactly! And when these kind of posts appear, there are always swathes of people saying ‘ask your friends why’, ‘turn up anyway’, ‘demand to know what’s going on’, ‘tell her she’s an arsehole’ etc.

Nobody owes anyone else an explanation for cutting them off. Keep your dignity and move on!

Every right to be shitty and doesn't have to explain herself? That's an interesting value system you've got there. Would you treat a friend like this?

And I completely disagree that demanding an explanation looks needy. You could just as well argue that not being assertive about this, but simply skulking off with her tail between her legs, carries the risk of making OP look like a doormat. This so-called friend is relying on OP being afraid to cause a scene. Personally I wouldn't be giving her the satisfaction of proving her right.

Probably but it had happened so many times but then it was really just for my amusement. lol They thought I was unhinged anyway. They told one of my good friends what I had supposedly done and she laughed at them. Honestly it was just crazy

I would outright laugh at any grown woman who was pitiful enough to make demands she can't enforce on another adult.

Of course you would cause a scene, and everyone would look down on you and at best pity you because you clearly need help, and then avoid you like the plague forevermore. I suspect you may not be a stranger to this scenario 😅

Anyway, back to the point. OP's been dumped.

So that's that.

If I had been the person you shouted boo to, I would have laughed my ass off about you making a twat of yourself

Apparently they were running away from her, so to be fair "Boo!" is quite a funny response to someone turning and running away from you.

If I felt the friend had acted badly (which this person clearly does) then I would walk away and not want contact with them again. But I’m a ‘one strike’ person.

The Op can of course cause a scene but who do you think looks batshit in that scenario?

What does the OP gain? She’s lost the friend anyway and she might find others backing away from the drama.

Funny to the people who were running away, certainly.

Yes well these people didn't they were quiet scared of me. The BOO wasn't probably even heard. I also had been made fun of for months it went on for two years. It was a horrible experience and I was trying to have a good humor about it in the end.

Thank you and you get it. I only said it for me really. They honestly thought some crazy stuff about me.

So they made fun of you AND were scared of you? Really?

they didn't make fun of me. My mother was having fun with it. She wanted people to hate me it worked. I couldn't even explain myself without looking crazy because of what she had said. In the end I said nothing went on with life and just let my life talk for me. A couple of people actually apologised for believing the lies. It was a hard and horrible time in my life. Im glad you never have had to go through something like that.

No you do not go to this party. Its quite clear that your relationship with her has been ended. She's ended it. You cannot force this so called friendship to continue because you have mutual friends in common. You clearly haven't got along well for a while . Perhaps she does feel that you aim to get along with her because it gives access to these other people. Its over. The family have made it plain you are not welcome, you simply cannot turn up even if you are under the impression you were previously invited. If you show up it could provoke a nasty quarrel and youd be asked to leave. You've tried to ask the reasons why these fall outs but she is not saying. Move on and accept it.

No you do not go to this party. Its quite clear that your relationship with her has been ended. She's ended it. You cannot force this so called friendship to continue because you have mutual friends in common. You clearly haven't got along well for a while . Perhaps she does feel that you aim to get along with her because it gives access to these other people. Its over. The family have made it plain you are not welcome, you simply cannot turn up even if you are under the impression you were previously invited. If you show up it could provoke a nasty quarrel and youd be asked to leave. You've tried to ask the reasons why these fall outs but she is not saying. Move on and accept it.

How clear does it have to be? Why would the poster prostrate themself when they have deliberately frozen her out?. Clearly there are issues, its odd that the former friend doesnt come out and say why she's drawn a line, clearly she could state her reasons..e.g because you gossip, you get drunk, youre loud, you do this or that or youre just a bore and I find you too much. Im Surprised the poster has no clue . There is a reason but former friend is not up for a discussion. Time to move on..but she is no doubt jealous that all the mutual friends are in and she is out!