Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

How do you know if you have been unfriended on FB ?

Because they’re no longer FB friends. I expect that was the clue 😳

Seriously? She's unfriended you and the invitation has disappeared, take the hint she doesn't want to be friends anymore

I think some older people do? I’ve seen people in their 50s/60s creating events on there.

No need to be sarcastic ! but I wouldn’t know I had been unfriended by clicking on FB unless I specifically checked my friends ..is that what you have to do?

Lol. "Berate" 😅

So you know why she's unfriended you and don't want to cause drama, but plan to anyway.

Just don't go. If anyone asks you be very lowkey and say "I wasn't invited", shrug, leave it at that. If you just shrug and move on the drama will be minimal.

Obviously you don't go and you stop caring that other people will think it's weird you're not there. Let the rude friend deal with it.

Agree with this

She sounds like a former friend of mine! We were really close in our 20s and early 30s and I was even her bridesmaid when she married an ex of mine (don't ask!) but she had ridiculous expectations of how friends should treat her and would go into absolute strops if she didn't get her own way. When I introduced my DP to her, he questioned me afterwards about why I let her talk down/rudely to me, and I hadn't realised I was. I was just immune to it by then. He opened my eyes to her behaviour and the more I noticed it, the less tolerant I became – until eventually she unfriended me on FB. I challenged her and she said it must've been an algorithm error 🙄then re-added me, only to unfriend me again a few months later. That time I didn't chase her and we haven't spoken since. She did reach out to me once by text (this was pre-WA chats) but I ignored it.

So I think she's done you a favour. You don't need poisonous people like her in your life.

personally if they're part of your social circle I'd blazen it out, go and have a nice time.

You'd go to someone's big birthday party that you are not invited to? So you enjoy drama then?

Turning up somewhere you are not invited makes you look really desperate 🤣

Yes I’m sure it would make the host’s day to be able to have the OP turned away at the door.

And to a big birthday party. Imagine someone you'd been ghosting for months just turning up at your 40th or 50th or whatever. She would look genuinely mental if she did this and would be the subject of gossip for a long time 😅

Just don't go. Not worth the drama.

Walk away and don't go.
If anyone asks you why, just tell them the truth.
If they don't believe you now they will when it's their turn to be on the receiving end of it.

And the truth is just "she unfriended me on facebook and uninvited me to the party". If OP doesn't want drama that's all she needs to do, not go and answer with that basic truth.

Nobody is going to ask OP anyway, they've all got their own lives, nobody will notice or care if one less person is at a party.

Yes it means you have been uninvited. So like you said, don’t go and then if people ask tell the truth but don’t elaborate too much. Just say ‘I think Sarah is being funny with me, she deleted us from FB and therefore the invitation disappeared so I can take a hint’.

I'd screenshot the unfriended post and block her.shes not worth the hassle.
And your other friends kn9w what she's like they realise why you're not there

I do get that. But in another of your posts, you say it’s a fairly regular thing for your friend to flounce from WhatsApp groups and then get re-added without fanfare. You also say you and your friends have learned to humour this woman.

It sounds like they’re all well aware that she’s a drama queen. So what I don’t understand is why you think this is going to be a watershed moment in your friendship group? You’re just the latest victim of her antics: there’s no reason your other friends should drop you because of it. Certainly not because you didn’t go to a party she’s uninvited your from.

I think the best and easiest way to approach it is to just make yourself unavailable. Just drop her a message to say that a last minute family situation has cropped up which means you can’t attend the party, give your apologies, and a cheery ‘hope the party goes well’. Then if other friends mention the party, just let them know you can no longer attend, but that you’ve let your friend know. This way it creates no drama, and you don’t need your friend to respond to the cancellation message.

I don’t think the other people would mind as much as you think, if someone asks just say one of you was unwell or had other commitments.

My views is that she is hopping you get the message. Surely all invitations are revoked when a friendship comes to an end?

If you were bringing the cake, U would understand your concern at not showing up but if not… it would be more rude to show up than not.

This. Time for the OP to take the hint - I mean it's not even a hint at this point, it's skywriting in 100 foot tall letters.

Or let’s just look needy by keep contacting her.

if someone has made it as clear as the friend has to the OP, what’s the point? She had every right to behave in as shitty a way as she wants - she doesn’t have to explain herself