Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

Maybe just one last message to say that as she's refusing to even acknowledge you exist you're going to assume you're no longer friends. Then just leave it, your other friends will know she's a drama queen.

🤣 You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

Why post this here all incredulous that she’s deleted you and then post another thread admitting that you know what many of the issues are. You’re as dramatic as she is by the sounds of it.

Yes, I'd do this. Make it clear what's happened, but that you have no idea why, then your mutuals will have to ask her if they want to know. Let's hope they do that at the party.

You don't want to go anyway and don't sound overly keen on her. Maybe just breezily send your apologies in any event - "I'm so sorry, we are no longer able to make it. Have a lovely time".

(And if she has decided to arbitrarily uninvite you without actually telling you that there is a problem she will think you haven't realised and it will wind her up that you got in there first)

I'm not incredulous. I said there have been issues for a while. This OP was simply aiming to find out if anyone knows how the FB events thing works.

I’d let everyone know that ex friend and family have gone weird, they unfriended you and BF on FB and she doesn’t respond to any messages from you so you won’t be going to party.

If a friend unfriended me on Facebook (what? Are we 13?!), I sure as hell wouldn’t be going to her stupid party whether I was invited or not. You need to raise your standards, girl.

Who cares what she tells them? She’s no friend to you, and your life will be better without the drama.

Just block, ignore and if others ask ( though it’s none of their business) just say you are enjoying a drama free life.

I've got no intemtion of going to the party, but in view of "standards" need to know if that's because I'm not invited or if I need to appologise/make my excuses.

”she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days”

Are you sure she is okay?

No, but I really have tried.

I'd tell all your mutual friends who you're expecting to attend it that you don't think she wants you to go ..and then ignore her and her family for the entirety of your life.

I don't have or know about Facebook except a brief dalliance in 2007, but I would say it's pretty clear that you're no longer invited. Whether that's because of the friend removal, meaning you've auto-dropped off, or if she's manually taken you off. I don't know but it's obvious that you're no longer welcome.

Why, is the question. The once or twice someone has done this to me in my lifetime, I haven't asked them why, or taken it any further. If people want to behave like they're 5 years old, let them.

Ucchh, who's got the time for this infantile shit. 🙄

It's all very immature, but yes, this definitely means you're no longer invited to the party, and shouldn't think about going. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

No you are causing drama by involving everyone else.

Unless everyone in this scenario is 12 years old, just don’t go unless she contacts you. And don’t involve your entire friendship group

I think in these situations when you are being ghosted you need to text and say...

Hi X
Just to let you know that, unfortunately, boyfriend and I will not be able to attend the party any more but we hope it all goes well. We also think it’s best if our friendship comes to a close now too but we genuinely wish you all the best in life.
best wishes

You don’t want to go. You don’t like her.

so don’t go.

it would be extraordinarily shallow of you to go just in case your mutual friends get the wrong impression as to why you’re not at the party.

if they ask you, all you need to say is that you no longer appear to be invited.

Google says she would have had to manually remove you from the event

Missing the point entirely but who organises parties on facebook any more?

This ^

If the OP got an invitation and accepted it and hasn't subsequently been "disinvited" I'd definitely turn up if I were her!

I'm not worried about her, but all the others who will be expecting us to be there

it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't

You've got some serious main character syndrome going on there.

Almost everyone at the party will either not notice that you aren't there, or if they notice they won't care or even give it another thought after a fleeting "oh Ironplate isn't here... neither is X, Y or Z".

It really doesn’t matter what she thinks. It doesn’t matter what other social media people/friends think as to your reasons.

Just stay home and do other things. 🤷‍♀️

Why turn up somewhere you are obviously not wanted? You wouldn’t have a good time, so what’s even the point? It’s totally desperate.