Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

Yes I see. I thought she was addressing the OP. I was wrong. I apologise.

Still though...it's a common thing on here. I get fed up seeing people claw others to bits over nothing. It is normal to be baffled and anxious about your friend, who is part of your long-established social circle, ditching you out of the blue.

She has focused on the party on this thread because of the ramifications of being excluded from a social event with the familiar social circle. How to properly proceed, as her absence will be noted. Talk will occur and OP wants to protect herself from any bad vibes.

You can’t be serious. 😱

And some people need to read both threads. Hence the link.

I think some posters like to make out they are empathetic by suggesting the OP speaks to friends or goes anyway. When in reality that’s just encouraging the drama.

Also why would talk occur? It will if she insists on dragging other people into it but are you really going to claim that you would notice anyone’s absence from a party?

Stop worrying about what others may or may not say. There lies your issue. It doesn't matter
So she falls in and out with you
You have never pushed back and taken her to task about it???? Now you're worried about other people. From someone who has been in your place, stop it. I wish I had done it sooner. You need to be in control of your life not worrying about what people think. She has made herself clear she doesn't want you there. If anyone asks you why you didn't attend tell the truth.

In my book you aren't the problem, they are. People will eventually show there true colours by pushing you out with no explanation, that is the start. I advise you to walk away and hold your head up high, you don't need them in your'e life their toxic. Whatever happens don't give them a second of your time they don't deserve. You got this.

I fucked up on the quote but otherwise, I cba to argue.
I get annoyed by the harsh taking down of ordinary people on here. Nothing else to add.

Excellent

She has focused on the party on this thread because of the ramifications of being excluded from a social event with the familiar social circle. How to properly proceed, as her absence will be noted. Talk will occur and OP wants to protect herself from any bad vibes.

I get why OP would worry about gossip. What I don’t get is why she thinks some sort of formal decline of the invitation will prevent this.

For whatever reason, this woman is cutting OP out of her life. She’s stopped responding to messages; she’s actively deleted OP and her partner from social media. Whether this is fair or not is irrelevant. She’s done it - and if she can do that, what makes OP think she’ll suddenly develop a sense of fair play and etiquette now? OP doesn’t turn up; ex-friend slags her off. OP actively declines the invitation and what? Her ex-friend says, “Yes, sadly Ironplate and I are no longer friends, but she did send me a lovely message declining the invitation, so it’s all good”?

If there’s going to be talk, it’s going to happen either way.

If I was op, I’d be contacting the other people she expects to see there. They might not be going and she can find out more about what’s going on. It’s silly immature games but I’d get in and explain first. If these other folk are friends, they will understand. If they are not real friends they won’t care if op is at the party or not!

Of course most people won’t be even notice that someone is absent. And the OP does sound a little ‘intense’

Did you mean to quote me, @LiviaDrusillaAugusta?

I wasn’t suggesting OP’s absence would be the hot topic of the night. What I’m saying is that, if people do ask, her ex-friend isn’t suddenly going to be nice about it because OP sent a formal decline.

I did mean to but I may have misunderstood your point.

I just think that people on here like to stir people up - telling her to speak to other friends or just turn up. There is a lot of main character syndrome when in actual fact nobody really cares.

Whatever happened to dignity?

@Livelovebehappy We always have a chat with friends if we are all going to the same party! It’s normal conversation. I would not phone friends up specially but it’s just in casual chat for us. If op can pick up vibes that way I would do it. But - only if she really cares about what they might think and it’s not a special pointed conversation!