Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

If she doesn't want you in her life (unfriended and doesn't respond to your messages), then why would you think she'd want you at her party?
You cannot be as thick witted as you are making out.

blocking someone who you've been friends with is a shit, teenage move though isn't it? I def get blocking some scam number or stranger messaging weird shit but it's quite dramatic to do to this in a friendship to show you want to move on or you're 'done with them'. Very hair swishing teenage drama.
The friend who hasn't had the courtesy to talk through whatever has upset her is childish, but it is a horrible feeling to be unfriended and blocked or have messages ignored, and wonder how it came to that. It can really hurt but if they can't talk, even try to, that is pretty telling about who they are.

Ask her, not us.

Every right to be shitty and doesn't have to explain herself? That's an interesting value system you've got there. Would you treat a friend like this?

Maybe it IS shitty - but the OP still can’t demand an explanation. Well, she could try, but that doesn’t mean she’d succeed in getting one. The big scenes and confrontations some posters are suggesting very rarely happen outside of soap opera.

Nope, if someone blocks you then they have done so for a reason. That reason might be that they're nuts, or it might be that you're nuts, or anything in between.

Blocking is normal and extremely commonplace, though blocking and unblocking and re-blocking is not. I haven't been on FB for years, don't have Insta and only read on Twitter, so it's not an issue for me, but since blocking was created to get rid of unlikeable and unwanted people from your online experience, there is nothing remotely wrong for using it for that purpose.

Everybody is entitled to their own boundaries. So whether you're blocking someone or you are the person being blocked, just get on with your life afterwards and accept that you don't control other people's choices.

A shit teenage move is harping on about it, or hassling people who have made it clear they want nothing to do with you.

Honestly, if someone was batshit enough to turn up at one of my big birthday parties and throw a wobbly, I'd have them chucked out, and maybe locked up, without even a moment's discussion. I'd very probably laugh, certainly would not be chatting to them about it or engaging with them. They'd win nothing but their own humiliation.

I don’t think that’s the flex you think it is

Can’t you ask one of your mutual friends why she’s unfriended you? I certainly wouldn’t go it would be embarrassing if you get there and she tells you to leave . I do however find it hard to understand how you can’t know what you’ve done there must be something that’s pissed her off however small

This is a little embarassing op. On your other thread you list the reasons this friendship is over. I think you need to accept it is.

Why can't you do the most low key thing and not go and say that they unfriended you weeks ago if anyone asks why you didn't go? This way, you are putting the blame back on your ex friend and that's the end of it.

I wouldn't give any of this the headspace you are. If she wanted to cause you angst. To her credit, it's worked.

But so what? People can cut others off if they want to.

What is unhinged is starting two threads about someone just for validation.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5526287-how-can-i-message-friend-to-clear-the-air?reply=152136069

Did the people you turned up with know that you weren’t actually invited? How fucking desparate.

Yeah, you really showed her inviting you to your leaving drinks! She’d must’ve been gutted 👀

God that’s so embarassing for you, and I think what’s worse is you can’t see it. It was even in someone’s home.

im shocked at the lack of social skills some people have, some of the responses on here, turning up at parties you’re not invited to, shouting boo in the street, demanding explanations, it’s all really lacking in any form of dignity.

I bet she still remembers sometimes about the batshit woman who made an arse of herself 🤣🤣

It sounds like you may be better off in the long run without her anyway but it’s understandable that you’re trying to manage any fallout within your wider friendship group.

I’d just draw a line under the whole thing by sending her one final message (up to her if she reads it or not) with your apologies that you can’t attend the party that weekend after all. End of.

That way it doesn’t matter whether you were uninvited or not. You’ve behaved appropriately and anything else is on her. The ball is in her court and you can move on regardless.

What a ridicuous set of (incorrect, I might add) assumptions you just made about a complete stranger. How embarrassing for you. 😂😂😂

And apart from anything else, you appear to be assuming I meant OP should turn up at the party, which I didn't. 🙄

Then what did you mean when you suggested OP should cause a scene to avoid giving her ex-friend “the satisfaction”?

To me it’s so obvious you’re not invited I’m not sure why you’re even posting.

I don’t mean that in a rude way at all and it’s probably one of those situations where it’s 10 times clearer to an outsider with no skin in the game.

If that’s aimed at me I meant potentially causing a scene in a conversation with the ex-friend, not at the party.

How nasty. What's it to you if she starts two threads? Why have you provided a link for the other one on here...to prove a point?
Well thanks for the heads up but I don't care if someone has two threads. Why do you?

Because there’s further information in the other thread

The OP hasn't made any demands and nor has she suggested that she will. Who are you addressing in your horrible, insulting post?
That's quite the personal critique there...do you know something the rest of us don't or are you simply indulging your imagination then posting as though you you've got her sussed?

Do you have anything constructive to say or are you just going through the posts to pick people up?

The way it works is the poster is responding to the poster she quoted, not the op. And she’s not wrong. I’m not sure policing the thread, answering for the op ans asking for contributions is really your position or advisable

I'm just going through the posts to pick people up, which I think is constructive.
Some people just come on here to make an unhappy but innocuous stranger feel worse, being sneery for the sake of it.
Some people will stick the boot in over anything.