I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

I'd play the long game. Leave him for unrelated reasons, continue getting his hopes up with Grace and a month or so after you have left him, ghost him as Grace! Maybe arrange a meet but don't show up then ghost. He will be tearing his hair out and eventually try and worm his way back with you!

Sorry your baby won't have a nice dad. Hopefully he will be a better father once she's here

Do you have a link to the first part? Link on first page not working.

I would think he’s cheated before this tbh. Keeping saving screenshots OP, even before you call him out.

Set the bastard up for a ‘date’ with your parents and whilst he’s out pack up all his crap and chuck the fucker out!

However, in all this angst, stress and trauma………look after yourself and your baby. Sending hugs 💐

I agree with don't tell him you're "Grace". Ask him to leave about a week or so before when he thinks he's meeting her as he'll leave without fuss thinking someone is waiting in the wings.

I did exactly the same!!

I went as far as arranging a date then cancelling on him a few hours before, telling him I wouldn’t be able to make it as I had matched with a man who was more my type.

He went absoloutley ballistic at the fake account but it did give me a snigger at 9 months pregnant 😂

Used random photos off Reddit

Without her consent?

Now there is a woman, who might be marred, with her photos all over a dating site engaging in sexual chat!!!!

WTF???

Firstly well done you on staying as calm as possible and putting you and your unborn first . Your gonna be just fine and shit bags like him get what they deserve eventually
You do what you need to do to make sure your safe and as stress free as possible

This @Ahitsteatime is the ideal. See him up for false hope with ‘Grace’ and kick him out. He won’t kick up a fuss, probably even pack his own bags, and then watch as he realises and try to worm his way back. Take great delight and look after your daughter, she deserves better!

You need to be really careful. You are pregnant and you have said he is volatile. Pregnancy is often a trigger for domestic abuse. Please just kick him out and change the locks, you’ve got your proof.

It’s your house. Change the locks, Bag up his stuff and let him know it’ll be outside when he gets back so he needs to get his parents etc to pick it up. Wish him luck with Grace!

I was just about to come on here to say exactly this. Please be careful, OP - I can see how you (and others) can see this as a game, but it'll be serious once you leave him .... It's the most dangerous time for the female ending the relationship.

If he has his own business he will probably pay no maintenance. So just prepare yourself for this.

My guess is that he will also never see his child. Which is a bit sad for the baby but she won’t know anything else. And it sounds like she will have very involved grandparents.

FWIW I think I your have done the right thing in catfishing him. Personally id arrange a date as grace and have someone else stake out the place to see if he turns up. That way you will have proof that he was willing to cheat . Otherwise he will claim, that he was jjust “ flirting online for an ego boost “.

You dontI need to tell him you know about the cheating , it’s more for your own satisfaction.

I suspect that all the “ moral high ground “ posters haven’t been in your situation. Its easy to “ walk away with your head held high” when you aren’t pregnant with his child.

Oh hell yes to this! tell him you are calling the baby Grace too. See how long it takes for the penny to drop.

What a festering turd he is!

Get an STD check @Ahitsteatime

Does he have family? I would take these messages and all the evidence straight to his parents/siblings/everybody you know. See what they make of it

What a prat, sorry OP but least he has shown you who is really is and now you can waste no more time on him.

If you like pina coladas, and getting drunk in the rain, the twat off and stop messaging another woman.

Oh OP, what an absolute arse. I'm sorry.

I totally understand wanting to lean into this and 'get even', but is it really doing you and your mental health any good to keep picking at this scab?

You've got a pregnancy and a baby to plan for - could you look towards that insead?

This guy has shown you that he isn't worth your time or your effort. Every second you spend using your precious mental energy on him is a second you won't get back and time you could have spent on yourself and your baby.

As a few others have said, I would start focusing on you and simply detach from him. He'll get the message loud and clear and you simply walk away with your pride in tact.

If you weren’t pregnant I’d be all for some petty revenge - such as book a hotel room and fill it with all his things. But the fact is that you ARE pregnant and will somehow need to coparent your child, with this man for at least 18 years, so it’s worth ghosting him now, and try to keep a split as cordial as possible. Your baby deserves to have parents who can be civil to each other.

Hey, so i got pregnant roughly 10 years after being with ex. He was always desperate for kids, me not so much. When i got pregnant he then claimed id done this to trap him. We split up and he was just awful, i found so many messages and meet ups on his tablet. We ended up back together just before i gave birth because he did the whole im sorry routine and i felt it was the right thing for our baby. Long story short we split again for good a few years later, he never changed and i sometimes regret how much of my life i wasted on him. Youve got your proof now, dont torture yourself anymore. I was also lucky enough to have my own home, and i was absolutely fine. Iv since met someone else and got married and i cant believe how lucky and content i feel. Good luck!

get him out before baby arrives!

I think this comment is the best idea of the lot (although I have enjoyed the creativity on here!!)
Except 'Grace' should just block him.

You need to ask him if he likes pina colada and taking walks in the rain.

It’s another vote from me for skipping a dramatic showdown, although I agree it’s seriously tempting to set him up to be humiliated. You’d regret it though. He’s well and truly shown you his true colours and that’s all you need to know. It sounds like you’re in a good position in terms of house stability etc. so get the rest of your ducks in a row and dump him. Once you’re all sorted, I think the satisfaction of ‘Grace’ suddenly disappearing with no explanation might be a nice little dent to his ego.

(edited to correct a typo)

This reminds me of the Kate Bush song Babooshka. Do you know it?