I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

Seems very odd police to ask for messages. Unless they were threatening? It is not illegal to have an affair or request a date on an app. Anyway you well rid.

Child may wish to know who their dad is at some point in future. You might speak to the grandparents on dad side in future.

Op do not respond to this message. I cannot see why the police would get involved with dating app evidence you have seen what you need don’t give him the satisfaction also you are going to feel shit your grieving a life you should be having but because this selfish twat can’t keep it in his pants he’s ruined everything don’t put his name on the birth certificate and don’t let him or his family be involved he has made his bed let him rot in it if he gets involved he will be a nightmare to deal with. Also take as much rest as you can never tell him about grace. Do you need to consider an sti check?

Yeah I didn’t read them properly. My bad.

Can you be sure those messages are from the police? I’m another who thinks the dating conversation is outside of their scope of work.

i’m keeping you in my thoughts and I’m sorry that I am unable of be of any help other than to say I wish you all the best. You deserve better.

im pleased your parents are supportive and Dad dealt with the prick. Please keep leaning into them for support.

as far as his family goes, they only have his side of the story. I think it quite unlikely they are aware he was using a dating app and he has probably told them how hard he was working away from home to provide for his family etc etc. You took him by surprise so he is trying to catch up with something plausible and so attacking you is all he has got left.

sending you hugs. Are you able to go away for a wee break ? Grab a girlfriend, cousin or mum for company.

in the meanwhile you have a nursery to plan! Get Dad on the paintbrush.

what sort of decor and look are you hoping for?

It's possible there's more to him that you don't know about. Wait for the call back before you do anything.

Are you sure police have asked specifically for dating app messages? Or is it for the messages he sent to you? Very strange why police would ask for dating app messages? What do they know?
How did his mummy dearest say about her son not wanting to be involved with the baby?

You beat me to it. Damn.

New earworm incoming.

Honestly, it may not feel like it right now, but if he and his parents don’t want to know, in a lot of ways this simplifies your life. It sounds like your parents have your back, and whilst you feel overwhelmed and defeated at the moment, you will rally and be ok.

Also, don’t apologise for being quiet, you don’t owe us anything, and your focus now should be on you and figuring out the way forward. I hope the police are able to give you clarity.

Getting your fight back is really important- be really gentle with yourself, and slowly as you reflect on what has happened, and how it happened you will start to get angry- then your fight will flow back. Good luck, be kind to yourself, do lots of things you love.

Just take care of you.
And like my dad used to tell me, chin up.
Sending love from faraway. ❤️

Only thing I can think of it they are wondering if he was threatening or nasty on the messages. My friend had to supply her text messages to the police after her boyfriend got accused of something.

It's her house @WellConfusedandDazed ...

I'd take plenty of screenshots in case you ever feel you need to show him..

But then move on and pack up his stuff. You won't get any lasting sense of achievement from generating the shocking reveal and you'll probably just wind up with even more awful memories. Take the high ground and move on with your life. Best wishes.

I've just asked DH about this as he is job.

He says there may be more to this guy and might have a yellow sheet as long as your arm.

Speak to the officer you trust and see what they say first.

This⬆️

Go into the station - and speak to them face to face!

Do the police need to see evidence of why you broke up with someone?

Even without any evidence of anything you are actually legally allowed to break up with a partner and as it's your house alone, he has to leave.

His parents probably want to play a game to get you to take him back, they are lumbered with him now for the foreseeable and whilst he is being babied I am sure the novelty will soon wear off.

The police will be interested in the aggression, evidence for break up, not so much.

You don't have to show them, or him or his parents anything. You can just say you no longer want to be in a relationship if you like, end of discussion.

Is he your ex now though @Lina012 ?

@Littlebigtoe Yes he is and it will remain that way

@Ahitsteatime

speak to someone at the police or as pp say, go and see them face to face to clarify this.

fwiw as you’re now expecting a child, if he is aggressive towards you, including harassing messages, they will make a report and record partly for evidence for you but also for the child.

They take verbal and emotional abuse and harassment very seriously, including via messages and emails.

Take screenshots of everything.

I hope he doesn’t know you were on the dateling app messaging him? He could use that against you, but your case is firmer. Especially with reports of volatility.

He may also, as a pp says, have other reports against his name.

Yes I agree, very strange

It’s not strange if they are preparing to send a case to CPS for a charging decision, they will want to be able to show all related evidence. We only know the police have been involved, not the level of their involvement.

I would say they are asking for threatening messages he has sent to your phone rather than the romantic ones he sent you in the OLD site. Police may be thinking the threatening messages came via the site rather than texts. Send them the right ones otherwise you’ll confuse them.