I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

If you're going to have to co-parent with this man, I'd think twice about pissing him off and giving him a reason to want to hurt you any worse than he already has. Do you want to be embroiled in a custody battle and only get to spend 50% of your time with your older baby or toddler purely because he wants to make you miserable? Do you want your child to become the object that's fought over and used as a weapon in the middle of bitterness and hatred between you?

No, it's not fair, but it is pragmatic. You need to think about the fact that you're about to have a child with this man, which gives him enormous leverage over you, and the potential to make your life a living hell if he so wanted.

The other extreme option is to cut him out entirely and tell him you lost the baby - although the practicalities and ethics of hiding his child from him are very questionable, possibly not in your child's best interests, and of course you wouldn't get maintenance then.

Either way though, I certainly wouldn't put him on the birth certificate.

Pretty sure there was someone on here that went through similar. She said that she told him to meet on a date, then she didn't show up and she just messaged him and said sorry but I came to the date and saw you and you didn't look like your picture and I just didn't fancy you so I left. Lol.

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆.

Op I’d keep Grace going for a few weeks after you dump him. You may find he leaves easier, with far less arguement and bother if he thinks he’s building a new relationship.

Then Grace can ghost him.

This! Nothing to be gained by humiliating him except for it to be perceived as an act of war. When YOU are ready to bring things to a head, I’d say something like a friend tipped you off he was on an app, do you really need anything more?

Even men who don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, can be extremely volatile. Keep him calm until he is out. A civil relationship between you will only benefit the baby. Not being snarky, but you’re becoming a mother, it’s no longer just about you and how he’s treated you. And let’s be honest, you can obviously outsmart him with your hands tied behind your back!

If they were married she'd be likely facing selling her house or buying him out. She's actually in a stronger position as she can change the locks and keep her home.

You're bloody amazing OP.

So glad you've got your mum and dad, and the house is still going to be yours!

So... You can mess with his ego a bit surely before he gets back? 🙈😂

Stuff like "oh your my age! That's cool. I thought you were older for some reason in your pics haha" just for starters, keep it casual and apologetic, you can have him in tears before the days over!

also him saying Raunchy is the ultimate ick 😂

He will definitely find a way to turn this back on you, blame you.

You hold the cards so don’t show them. You are in control now but it could go horribly wrong once he has the full knowledge of what you know and have done.

He’s also going to be the child’s father - you’ll have to have some contact in the future.

Take the high ground, draw your boundaries, grey rock. Watch him squirm and focus on your life only.

it will actually be more confusing and hurtful if you tell him you don’t love him or want him in your life, or parent with him. His behaviour lately has completely turned you off to any future

Change the locks, move his stuff and end it.

When you ask him to leave make sure you have someone with you if he’s volatile and change the locks immediately

Look girl, I am so sorry this is happening. Similar happened to me. The sooner you leave/kick him out (if you are going to) then the sooner you can focus on your baby. He needs to go and to know you’re into him. This isn’t a mistake. This is him moving on while still with you and you won’t have that for you and your baby, will you?
being pregnant is hard. Mistake or not. There’s a little baby in your tummy and guess what? They feel what you do. When you cry, so do they… he’s hurting you both. Good luck, OP. I hope you navigate this the best you can

Anyone would take this personal, especially while being pregnant.

🥂

OP needs to get off here and sort things out, not perpetuate all the fantasists baying for her to milk it for all it's worth.

the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is pregnant, it could go badly wrong if this partner turns nasty because the OP is mocking him with the false dating profile.

stay safe OP and protect that baby of yours.

You have the information you need now.

Have someone with you when he gets home and tell him to leave. You already said he is volatile, so here already is a major red flag.

I don't think tricking someone who is already volatile is a good idea.

Just end it gracefully now. (pun intended)

Remember that whatever happens, he'll be in your life for many years to come as your having a baby together.

You need to bear your baby in mind with everything you do. I understand that it's a lot to process at the moment, but try not to end this relationship in an acrimonious way that makes coparenting a nightmare.

It's your house so get his stuff out before he gets back. Change locks if needed . Send him all screenshots and tell him its been you the whole time and have nothing more to with him .

I'm glad you own the house as that should be good for you.

I would not tell him that you are Grace. I'd just break up with him and then let "Grace" ghost him.

Stay safe and feel joy at the life you are carrying! Congrats!

Rather than you leave, get the locks changed and have your parents come over when he’s due back. Do you have a meaty big brother?

Message him saying a woman called Grace has contacted you and it’s over.

Send/take his stuff to his mum/work/mates house in bin bags.

Your partner, the father of your unborn baby girl, has behaved in a way that is, frankly, a disgrace. Right now, it’s important to focus on your wellbeing and your baby’s. Stress during pregnancy can affect both of you, so protecting your peace and safety matters.

You’ve already taken a strong step by bringing the truth to light, and now you have the clarity you needed. This is the moment to lean on the people who support and care about you, and to move forward with strength and dignity.

It’s also important to recognise that abuse during pregnancy can take different forms, including emotional harm. What he has done and continues to do can be part of a pattern of domestic abuse, and any situation that causes you distress or makes you feel unsafe should be taken seriously. Your safety and your baby’s wellbeing come first

Gosh what a moron. Look forward to a futurewith your lovely baby & not him!!!

I also would not tell him that you were Grace. There is no need for him to know and it will only negatively affect the co-parenting which means the baby suffers.

This

And this