I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

Honestly Op, the very best thing you can do for yourself is to tell him (the real you) calmly and without any emotion that you just don't feel the same anymore, your feeling for him are gone and it's over.

Do not mention him being on the app and that you found out. It will just make him furious and bring a lot of trouble your way.

Being tired of him and not in love with him anymore will hurt him worse. Go grey rock.

I'm sorry this happened to you, you deserve better. Best of luck💐

I’m very sorry about this, he’s disgusting. All kinds of fun ideas here I would definitely support - if he was just someone who would become the ex that you never see again. It’s not a soap opera though and a baby is going to be born into this situation. Sadly you will have to take a long-term view on how to handle this. He’s a shit partner who has behaved terribly, but that’s not to say he’s going to disappear from his child’s life. However things are handled, bear in mind it may well be the first steps in your 18 plus year journey of co-parenting together.

If he’s volatile, upset because he doesn’t want to be a dad and probably feeling angry and humiliated because he’s realised he’s been tricked, there is no Grace and he’s now single and homeless, I think confronting him would be a very dangerous thing for the OP to do.

Now is the perfect time to get his stuff out, and change the locks, while he’s not about to kick a hole in the wall, smash anything or take anything that isn’t his.

Definitely do this

If you don’t know enough about his finances see if you can him to brag a bit so you know where to look.

I actually think a OP’s suggestion of arranging a ‘sleepover’ with Grace would be a good thing.

Tell him you’re over, then let him go to meet her. She obviously won’t turn up, but he’ll be out of your hair, and is less likely to kick up a fuss when you tell him, if he thinks he’s on a promise.

Probably because shes 20 weeks pregnant with his baby and he's cheating on her?

It's so easy to say pack your stuff up and be gone, don't think of him again over the internet. It's not so easy to detach emotionally when your pregnant with his child, faced with ending a 12yr long relationship. She can hardly fuck off into the sunset with his child

Unbelievable, he's a piece of shit! Rooting for you OP think you've handled this amazingly and he deserves everything he gets. You got this and we're all here for you ❤️ x

This post nails it. You’re going to have to grow up a lot now that you’re having a baby. Stop wasting energy playing games. Just leave him and get on with your life. 12 years not married? Doesn’t want the baby? Writing was on the wall. You’ve already wasted a lot of time. Don’t waste any more for goodness sake!

Op I would keep the conversation going but when he gets back have his stuff packed up just say I know you don’t want to be here so please go and leave your keys then change the locks if he tries to convince you otherwise just say no I’m sure I can do better than you. I wouldn’t even tell him about grace yet let him think he’s on to something with her then just after you have processed everything just delete your app never tell him ever he doesn’t deserve it. He’s not giving one fuck about you so mirror his behaviour. Do not let him lie to your face again you and baby deserve better he’s sounds like he’s going to be shit dad tbh he can’t cope now no chance when a screaming baby comes along it’s over. Sorry this has happened to you. He’s a cunt.

What’s your housing situation? Own/ rent together?

We never married because I didn’t want to really, my mum had two very awful divorces which left a mark and I was happy to not get married, but housing wise, we live in a house I own. He had his own flat that he owned but he sold it and used the money to start his own business.

I like the idea of telling him you want to name the baby Grace!

I did this to an ex years ago, found out he was on a website back then, called sex in the uk, so I signed up, basically catfished him, arranged a meet, me and my friend turned up, hid, watched him wait, took a picture and then I confronted him. Brought it up first of all, tried to deny it and then I came forward with my evidence. Dumped him pretty much straight away. It was fun tbh despite me being angry aswell. I’m glad I did it because had I not he would have tried to explain it away.

Ha yeh brilliant.

He’s obviously a prick but you’re about to have a baby together and will need to coparent once you’ve separated. Stop with the games and confront him, and then find some constructive way to move on.

I’d be tempted to change the locks while he’a away@Ahitsteatime since it’s your house

On the one hand he deserves everything that’s coming to him. On the other hand, if he’s volatile, you need to protect yourself and your baby. Domestic violence usually increases during/after pregnancy.

I assumed you’d only known him a few weeks/months!!

Why are you wasting a second more on this waste of space?!

The issue is OP - you are on a dating site like he is.
You claim it was to catch him out, but he could claim the same thing.

There is no proof here that he will care about and all it’s doing is making you feel like shit.

You’ve seen him on it, you know he’s desperate to leave you for any other woman, you know he puts this random woman before his pregnant gf - what else do you want?

Stop letting him disrespect you like this.
Tomorrow, pack up his belongings and tell him it’s over.

Have you got a cross dressing male friend who could be "Grace" and could meet him on a date ?

She can't just leave. It's her house.

OK, here's how you do it. Tell him you know he's cheated because Grace has found out about you and messaged you to say what's been going on. Send a final message from Grace saying she's shocked at how pathetic he is to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend and he won't be hearing from her again. You dump him but maintain the moral high ground.

@begonefoulclutter put his bags on the step then.

@Pyjamatimenow I expect the OP has already thought of that.

Agree that it’s pointless trying to engineer a situation where you can catch him out. Sure it’ll feel good for a while but ultimately he can spin it and paint you as the mental one for doing it.

Tell him you know he’s on dating apps and it’s over. It’s your home so you’ve got the upper hand there. Seriously consider whether or not you want him on the birth certificate since he is ‘volatile’ and doesn’t want the baby anyway.

Keep your head held high. These ‘fuck you’ moments are often better in the movies than in real life.