I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

For God's sake try thinking before you post, and suggest something or at least try to say something relevant.

Excellent advice for you to give to yourself.

OP hasn’t actually asked for ‘options’. You’re a bit late to be offering that kind of advice. She’s decided she’s having the baby, she’s kicked him out. She owns the house.

Current limit is 23.5 weeks- I still don't see what you are contributing.

Why are you encouraging a person who has said they want to keep their pregnancy to consider abortion? It’s creepy.

Wow, this thread has turned unpleasant.

@Ahitsteatime I hope you had a lovely chilled day yesterday and got out in the sunshine for a bit of vitamin D. This phase of pregnancy is the nicest bit, your bump grows, any nausea hopefully goes away and it all starts to feel real.

Look after yourself and your health. You've completely done the right thing and should try to ignore any creeping doubts that are bound to set in. You deserve a lot better and it's worth holding out for a good man, they do exist.
💐

That's hideous. I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

My ex didn't get up to anything like that. He was just a f**ing nutter.

I experienced this with a 'partner'. It's so unnerving, apart from anything else.

OP, ignore the ridiculous bickering on here that is unnecessary and unhelpful.
Focus instead on you, and your needs.
I’m so glad your parents are backing you and supporting you. Do you have friends around you who can do likewise?
Also , great idea from a previous poster who suggested making some small changes around your home to make it truly yours once more, I’m sure this will help you even if just a wee bit.

"Ridiculous bickering" - is that what you call it. Oh, yes, ignore the posters objecting to the woman telling the OP to get a termination.

I was simply trying to refocus the posts on the OP.

If there’s the possibility of volatility, then you should never tell him you are Grace, you need to protect yourself and your baby now.

It’s good news that it’s your house as you can get him to leave (with other people around so he can’t kick off) and I agree with the poster above who suggested keeping communicating with him as Grace for a while as if his ego is being stroked he may walk away easier (then hopefully when “Grace” ghosts him he’ll be angry at her rather than you).

Please keep safe.

Thank you all. Sorry being quiet, it all got a bit much over the last few days. We’ve had police involvement and he’s decided he doesn’t want to be involved with the pregnancy anymore (which to be honest, is not fine but fine). His mum and dad have come out in full defence of him as per usual, they’re in complete denial he’s done anything even when shown the evidence. He’s staying with them and being completely babied. He is his mums first and she’s always had a my precious baby boy mentality anyway.

My parents are adamant that if he walks out and cheats on me when I’m pregnant then fuck him and his parents and none of them are coming near the me or the baby. It’s not like he’d ever fight for custody.

I just want to get some fight back, I’m off work and feeling just meh. It’s taking me 2 days to do the washing up, just everything feels out of sorts and slow, but I’m sure I’ll get my fight back.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, OP. Take some time to focus on yourself.

You mention police involvement, don’t hesitate to get a protective order in place legally. It’s not over reacting, it’s being sensible. 💐

Also the police because he was volatile asked for his dating app messages to be uploaded as evidence? Does anyone know why? I haven’t done it yet as I was unsure and waiting for a call back. They were called because he was being an aggressive knob. I’ve coloured out a bit of the link and the PC’s name but this is the text I got.

It really does baffle me how parents can excuse or deny this type of behaviour even when presented with evidence. I adore my son but if he pulled this shit and I got to find out about it then I would be reading him the riot act not babying him and abusing his partner! So sorry op, sounds like you’re better off without the lot of them.

I would call the constabulary you're dealing with directly and ask to speak with an officer before doing anything via that link just to be on the safe side.

Texts can be spoofed, phone calls can be by others pretending to be the police. You need to call the officer who is dealing with your case yourself, or go into a station.

I wouldn't put it past his friends or his parents to get ammunition to harm you. Good luck

OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but you have 2-3 more weeks to decide other options. You have a very difficult life ahead of you and will almost certainly be doing this alone. If this was accidental you are clearly fertile and could have a baby with a man who actually loves you later on. I mean this in the kindest most compassionate way possible but you do have options.

EDIT: Sorry OP I didn't see your posts referencing wanting to keep the baby. If you want to be a single parent by choice then that is fine. I would be quite embarrassed for this man to be my father personally, hope he stays away. xxxx

Sorry you are going through this. As I have mentioned before my daughter went through this and really it was hard for the first 6months, as most newborns are, but he is 6 now and they are doing just fine. You have your parents and very soon you will feel love like you have never felt before. Good luck! .

I would move out without a word when he’s away so he comes hime to an empty house. Then when he calls or texts you to find out what’s going on, send him screenshots of your conversations.

The updates say that there has been police involvement and he has moved back in with his mummy.

Why on earth would OP move out of her own house?

I’m sorry, he’s behaving appallingly. This wasn’t what you thought you were getting into.
I’m glad your parents have your back, and at least police involvement gives you ammunition for whatever choices you make later.

Sorry you’re going through this @Ahitsteatime. If nothing else you can see it as the final nails in the coffin, there won’t be any tedious getting back together, on/off bullshit.

You don’t need to explain of course but I’m not clear why the police would be asking you to upload messages. They can seize his phone if it’s part of the investigation. If part of your complaint is about the messages, I would want to be clear that they understand you are Grace. Sorry if you’ve explained elsewhere and I’ve missed it.

Things will get easier. You are well rid of this man, and won’t look back. Shame it took so long to find out but now you have. Just focus on you and making your life how you want it.

I am so sorry that you’re going through this. My ex left before my little one turned 2 (he was having an affair which I didn’t know about at the time). Being a single parent has been the hardest, but most rewarding thing I have ever done. You can do it and will do it well. It sounds like you might have been doing most of it alone even if you were still with him. It’s much easier doing it completely by yourself, rather than with someone who is there, but not actually helping. You know you can rely on yourself. It sounds like your parents are amazing, lean on them for support. Everything seems so hard and the moment, but you will get there and you will be a mum your child is proud call their own.