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Original poster

I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

367 replies

Ahitsteatime · 16/04/2026 22:03

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

OP posts:
Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 11:32

This is where the saying "never listen at keyholes" comes from, you are obviously not happy, and he is clearly not happy.
This pregnancy was a mistake, and clearly he is not interested, if it were me I would act quickly terminate the pregnancy and divorce asap.
He is very unlikely to change and clearly feels no commitment to you.

icecreamflowers · 19/04/2026 11:45

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 11:32

This is where the saying "never listen at keyholes" comes from, you are obviously not happy, and he is clearly not happy.
This pregnancy was a mistake, and clearly he is not interested, if it were me I would act quickly terminate the pregnancy and divorce asap.
He is very unlikely to change and clearly feels no commitment to you.

What a horrible, blaming, and extraordinarily unpleasant post.

The OP wants this baby. Shame on you. It's a wonder baby.

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 12:00

If she wants the baby great, but clearly her relationship is not what she thought it was, so reassessment is the sensible option.
I am not blaming her- but if everything in the garden was lovely why did she look at his phone, and actively try and catch him out? A wonder baby? Where are your brains, I would rather be pragmatic and called unpleasant than be a complete idiot with nothing useful to contribute- this poor woman is looking at a tough single parenthood when she thinks she has been in a stable relationship since she was 18.

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BassBug · 19/04/2026 12:12

Ahitsteatime · 16/04/2026 22:03

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

Why stop at mum and dad? Invite friends and family to a 'surprise party'.

Itwiznyme · 19/04/2026 12:20

I hope your ok OP

Warmlight1 · 19/04/2026 12:31

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 12:00

If she wants the baby great, but clearly her relationship is not what she thought it was, so reassessment is the sensible option.
I am not blaming her- but if everything in the garden was lovely why did she look at his phone, and actively try and catch him out? A wonder baby? Where are your brains, I would rather be pragmatic and called unpleasant than be a complete idiot with nothing useful to contribute- this poor woman is looking at a tough single parenthood when she thinks she has been in a stable relationship since she was 18.

Blimey it's really possible to co parent or even single parent. . You've no idea what it's going to be like to make such definite statements.
She has her own choices and she'll be aware of that. Its her choice but no one has second sight when they make it.

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 13:03

In other news water is wet.

icecreamflowers · 19/04/2026 13:35

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 12:00

If she wants the baby great, but clearly her relationship is not what she thought it was, so reassessment is the sensible option.
I am not blaming her- but if everything in the garden was lovely why did she look at his phone, and actively try and catch him out? A wonder baby? Where are your brains, I would rather be pragmatic and called unpleasant than be a complete idiot with nothing useful to contribute- this poor woman is looking at a tough single parenthood when she thinks she has been in a stable relationship since she was 18.

Rude.

OP is 20 weeks pregnant. Did you miss that detail? The baby was conceived despite her having a coil - so to me, that is a wonder baby.

Maybe you think nothing of terminating a baby at 20 weeks, but I think your advice is cold and unpleasant.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 19/04/2026 13:55

Rachelshair · 18/04/2026 12:10

Not the point of the thread, sorry, but you said you got pregnant while using the coil, is that possible? I thought it was foolproof? You've got me worried now!
As for the partner, keep your split as simple and calm as possible and concentrate on yourself

The mirena is more reliable, but I was told that I had a mirena and ended up, unbeknown to me, with a bog standard copper one. I had two surgeries, a baby, a further surgery and a full hysterectomy as a result of that cock up.

LadyHexham · 19/04/2026 14:48

I too became pregnant with a coil in place, back in 1985.

Allisnotlost1 · 19/04/2026 16:42

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 11:32

This is where the saying "never listen at keyholes" comes from, you are obviously not happy, and he is clearly not happy.
This pregnancy was a mistake, and clearly he is not interested, if it were me I would act quickly terminate the pregnancy and divorce asap.
He is very unlikely to change and clearly feels no commitment to you.

Are you a bit of hard of understanding? OP wants the baby. The father doesn’t, fine, no need for him to cheat, he could have been a grown up about it. But here we are.

What you would do is good for you, telling OP to terminate a pregnancy she intends to keep is bizarre.

Allisnotlost1 · 19/04/2026 16:46

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 12:00

If she wants the baby great, but clearly her relationship is not what she thought it was, so reassessment is the sensible option.
I am not blaming her- but if everything in the garden was lovely why did she look at his phone, and actively try and catch him out? A wonder baby? Where are your brains, I would rather be pragmatic and called unpleasant than be a complete idiot with nothing useful to contribute- this poor woman is looking at a tough single parenthood when she thinks she has been in a stable relationship since she was 18.

Unfortunately you don’t have anything to contribute - if you think that makes someone an idiot, congratulations, you won!

OP explained why she looked at his phone, it’s fairly obvious the relationship isn’t what she thought it was and now she’s ended it anyway.

Of course you’re not blaming her, there’s absolutely nothing to blame her for! Honestly just pipe down, you’re adding nothing.

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 18:52

Allisnotlost1 · 19/04/2026 16:46

Unfortunately you don’t have anything to contribute - if you think that makes someone an idiot, congratulations, you won!

OP explained why she looked at his phone, it’s fairly obvious the relationship isn’t what she thought it was and now she’s ended it anyway.

Of course you’re not blaming her, there’s absolutely nothing to blame her for! Honestly just pipe down, you’re adding nothing.

Show quote history

And what are you contributing exactly? I don't see a single thing except telling me to be quiet- perhaps you should take your own advice.

Allisnotlost1 · 19/04/2026 19:13

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 18:52

And what are you contributing exactly? I don't see a single thing except telling me to be quiet- perhaps you should take your own advice.

Show quote history

👏🏻

chubb4 · 19/04/2026 20:00

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 11:32

This is where the saying "never listen at keyholes" comes from, you are obviously not happy, and he is clearly not happy.
This pregnancy was a mistake, and clearly he is not interested, if it were me I would act quickly terminate the pregnancy and divorce asap.
He is very unlikely to change and clearly feels no commitment to you.

And the winner for the dick of the day award goes to….

kohlrabislaw · 19/04/2026 20:09

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 11:32

This is where the saying "never listen at keyholes" comes from, you are obviously not happy, and he is clearly not happy.
This pregnancy was a mistake, and clearly he is not interested, if it were me I would act quickly terminate the pregnancy and divorce asap.
He is very unlikely to change and clearly feels no commitment to you.

Have you actually read the OP posts? She’s 20 weeks pregnant so unlikely to terminate. And not married so also tricky to divorce.

begonefoulclutter · 19/04/2026 21:29

sittingonabeach · 18/04/2026 20:54

@Wildefish child has a right to know their dad, cheating shit or not.

Women have a right to expect their baby's dad to not be a cheating shit.

Loveapostitnote · 19/04/2026 22:14

@Laurmolonlabe how very insensitive and unpleasant

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 22:25

We are talking about what the OP's options are, much as you might not like it options are limited so all need to be considered. It is clear the OP is not going to stay with DP, being deceived about someone for years like this is traumatic, it also leaves the OP in an extremely poor financial situation so all options are not great, so they all need to be considered.

GrandmasCat · 19/04/2026 22:51

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 12:00

If she wants the baby great, but clearly her relationship is not what she thought it was, so reassessment is the sensible option.
I am not blaming her- but if everything in the garden was lovely why did she look at his phone, and actively try and catch him out? A wonder baby? Where are your brains, I would rather be pragmatic and called unpleasant than be a complete idiot with nothing useful to contribute- this poor woman is looking at a tough single parenthood when she thinks she has been in a stable relationship since she was 18.

Arse. Absolute arse, you don’t kick a woman when she is down. It was an accidental pregnancy in a very long term relationship but even if it weren’t, if you are pro choice, what’s so wrong with a woman who wants to keep a child, procreated within wedlock by a married couple?

Why is she in the wrong? For not turning a blind eye to his cheating husband and looking at his phone? Not quite the same thing, is it?

GrandmasCat · 19/04/2026 22:53

Just realised they were not married but surely, 12 years is quite a long time together, isn’t it?

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 23:14

I have never said she was in the wrong- but looking at someone's phone secretly is not likely to bring you good news- this proves she knew the relationships had problems, I don't see it as credible that she thought he was suicidal- mentioning you are depressed is a very long way away from being suicidal.
There are several options- how is mentioning them kicking someone when they are down? There is nothing wrong with keeping the child, obviously, but it is not the only option- I really don't see what you are saying, why put words into someone's mouth just so you can moan- how is that helping the OP?

icecreamflowers · 19/04/2026 23:28

Laurmolonlabe · 19/04/2026 22:25

We are talking about what the OP's options are, much as you might not like it options are limited so all need to be considered. It is clear the OP is not going to stay with DP, being deceived about someone for years like this is traumatic, it also leaves the OP in an extremely poor financial situation so all options are not great, so they all need to be considered.

Bollocks we are. You waded in with your steel cap boots on and your limited knowledge of the OP's situation - having missed she was 20 weeks pregnant, mentioned in the first words of her post, wants this baby, and is not married to the man so does not need to get a divorce - and refuse to admit you were wrong, and keep posting your tone-deaf and pointless posts.

Laurmolonlabe · 20/04/2026 00:06

And what are you adding to the debate?
I was wrong about what? I just mentioned some options- that is not wrong, the fact you don't like them is not relevant, no one asked you for your opinion ,
For God's sake try thinking before you post, and suggest something or at least try to say something relevant.

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2026 00:15

Laurmolonlabe · 20/04/2026 00:06

And what are you adding to the debate?
I was wrong about what? I just mentioned some options- that is not wrong, the fact you don't like them is not relevant, no one asked you for your opinion ,
For God's sake try thinking before you post, and suggest something or at least try to say something relevant.

What options?

She's not married so can't divorce.
She's 20 weeks pregnant so doubt anyone would give her an abortion.
What else did you advise?

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