I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

I don't understand any of that

I’m afraid I don’t understand your post either!

Hi yes! It had lodged out of place 😰 and when I found out I was pregnant they couldn’t find it. Had to have a scan, they found it and removed it. It had only been in two years so basically a new coil in coil years.

Sorry I haven’t responded. Have mostly laid in bed all day refusing to move, crying on and off watching Netflix eating strawberries and galaxy! Feel half relived and half like the world has ended.

He was furious when he came back and couldn’t get in. My dad spoke to him, said what we’d found, he was denying then calmed down when my dad showed him his profile. All happened on the doorstep so neighbours having a massive nosey! Dad gave him some stuff and told him to stay away from me for now. He kept trying to shout me but my dad held firm. Got loads of texts, first denying, then I’m sorry, then some blaming me for lack of intimacy, keeping baby, then again to apologies. Have blocked for now.

I have the ick now. So there’s no going back for me. I’m disappointed and disgusted. For now, there’s no baby scans, nothing to plan or sort so my mums suggested just trying to relax best I can for baby. Not over panic about anything. My mum and dad aren’t together (and hate each other) but are both firm on the fact he’s an absolute loser. I think I’m going to take a few days off work and sort finances and next steps. I sort of just want to hide in my bed for now.

Sorry to hear you've gone through all of this, especially whilst pregnant. He's an arse and you deserve much better. Take some time for yourself and hopefully you feel better soon. Big hugs. I found out my ex was on a dating site for sex. It was awful. I forgave him then he ended up leaving me a couple years later. I am now in a happy relationship with an amazing guy who would never cheat. I hope you find happiness x

It is the reality and shock now settling in. In the heat of the discovery and then everything that follows, most people live on adrenaline.
Now it is done and you have to think of the future, there is a bit of a crash, and of course you just want to stay in bed.

Don't try and do everything in a few days. Just do anything that is important but try and relax for the baby's sake. Think about a new future for you and your little DD.

Do you have any good friends that could come round today to keep you company?

Well done on ending it and putting you and your baby first. I’m so glad you have your parents for support and that they could both be there for you despite their differences. Take the few days to look after yourself and best wishes going forward. Your baby is lucky to have you x

No need to be sorry.
If you have a place that does private scan / 4D in your area book it. It's so lovely and they really do take their time with you as it's not for medical / routine checks it's just to see the beautiful life you have growing inside you.
I had one with my last as I got gifted it by my cousin as my mum died whilst I was pregnant with him and it was such a lovely moment to have during the grief. Or a nice pampers day if you don't like them type of scans. Take care op darling 💐

Good for you, op. Please look after yourself, you’re well rid of him xxx

Well done to your dad, also your mum sounds so supportive. I hope you have an easy pregnancy and the ex leaves you alone.
He is a looser, also if pregnancy isn't wanted now, he wasn't going to start trying in a years or two time, don't ever blame yourself for keeping the pregnancy xx

Yes because you move through it.

Has he tried to pick it up with Grace since being dumped?

It’s good your parents have your back. Take a bit of time to rest and regroup. You’ll be shattered.

Exactly, but I find it ridiculous that the rule is written as it is the child’s right to have a relationship with both parents when it is mostly quoted at court by abusive/unfit parents who the child does not / might not want to see, but the child’s wishes won’t be heard at least until they are 12.

A child will be forced to have contact so, it is right to say that some damage limitation by both parents is necessary to avoid increasing toxicity that hurts the child further.

Just seen you kicked him out. I’m sorry you had been put in this situation but I think that you have not only done the right thing but by refusing to engage with someone that you know has been a bad partner for a while and is behaving in an abominable way, you have saved yourself and your child YEARS of misery.

Stay strong, if you feel a bit unsure in the future remember this guy just blamed you for being unfaithful for not wanting to get rid of his own child. You both are much better off without him.

Op, when these things happen one of the big stressors is money. If it helps you to feel more in control, go to entitledto.co.uk to check if you qualify for some support. I didn’t get much but having a little bit of extra help to pay nursery fees that allowed me to keep working, so I could provide for my child a bit better, made a world of difference on how our lives turned out.

I’m so sorry he’s done this to you OP but this is the start of a new life. Two!

He’s shown you who he is. A total coward. Unable to take responsibility for his feelings or actions. So, completely unable to be a father.

You and your child deserve so much more.

Take the time to grieve and work out next steps. Remember to drink and eat well and pop a pregnancy multi vit.

You and your child will be richer without him.

Whilst your parents don’t get on they clearly have your back and will clearly do everything for their grandchild.

Use mumsnet for all it’s worth in the next decade; it’s why it’s here

It's like a warped version of the Piña Colada song 🎶

Good question...🤨

Stay strong OP. Strawberries and Galaxy in bed with Netflix sounds like the perfect treatment for this situation!

Just thought I’d share my story with you. I made a thread about similar when my baby was a few weeks old (different username). Anyway my daughter’s father was the same. I always had suspicions he was cheating or at the very least still talking to women he’d been casually sleeping with in the past. On the day of our daughters 4d scan we left a shop and he pulled out his phone to check the receipt that was emailed to him and I caught a glance of an app that had hearts on it. When I got home that evening I searched for which dating app had heart symbols and I found the one. I made an account and there he was. I broke up with him but he was denying it saying that he’d had the account for years but just never deleted it. He’d been posting since February and I caught him in April and he’d even been uploading more photos of himself about an hour prior to me calling him out on it. We got back together a few weeks later and then there was something else and then something else. When I was 6 months pregnant a woman was repeatedly calling his phone at 3am and messaging him, this happened another time around 1am. Basically he always begged for me back and promised he’d delete and block numbers, remove all the women he’d slept with from his social media but I’d always catch him doing something else. I found out he had actually been sleeping with one of the women from his past up until I was 34 weeks pregnant. He was still sneaking around after our daughter was born. He gave me an sti when our daughter was 9 weeks old which is the only reason he had to tell me he’d cheated yet again.

I know it’s hard but you just have to keep strong and put you and baby first. He had no respect for you to be doing that. My daughter is 9 months now and I so wish I could go back to being 24 weeks when I caught him on the dating app and kick his ass out of my life, it would have saved so much heartache and trouble. When our daughter was 3 months I messaged one of the women from his instagram and she had no idea about me or that he had a baby. I do have a feeling they’ve reconnected again now and are back at it. I saw on his sexual health account that he’d been ordering condoms until May 2025 and I was due in July 2025, his response was “I got them just incase anything happened, I don’t know what’s gona happen and wouldn’t you rather I was protected”. Oh I could honestly write a book about him, it was never ending. Please keep strong and your head up though, he will cause you endless anxiety wondering what he’s up to if you take him back.

It’s annoying me that this man thinks a gorgeous woman is interested in him. In his head he will be thinking he can do better than OP and telling everyone she just used him to get a baby. Hope he is put straight.

A few days off work to get your head together and finances sorted sounds like a great idea. Have you rallied your IRL friends? You need your coven around you now, fierce women to support you through this. Is there anything about the house that was his idea, a paint colour, furniture placement, anything like that? See if you can get someone to help you change it, or just buy a couple of new throws for your sofa, a nice new bedding set, a few cushions that you love. Make your house yours, small changes that remove his presence, and make you feel nested and cosy.

Look into local baby groups, you can start going to breastfeeding support when you’re pregnant, you’ll meet a cohort of new mums who will hold you up as you navigate parenting.

Have you actually changed the locks? Or did he go away without keys? You do need to get that sorted just in case.

Does he know that you’re Grace? I would keep that going for a bit as my petty revenge if he doesn’t know. I liked PP idea of arranging meet up and then saying Grace had second thoughts after seeing him irl.

Stand firm. Make plans when you feel able. Get all his shit out of your house as a priority. Can someone help you by taking it to his work or wherever he is living?

Then you can block him for a while and have some peace. 💐💐💐

So sorry xx